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This Heat Wave Will Never End: Are We Trapped in The Wheel of Time’s “Endless Summer”?

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One of the many ways the The Dark One attempts to unmake the world in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series is by influencing the weather. When the series begins an unnaturally long chill has pressed itself over the land, and it is broken only by the emergence of the series’ savior, The Dragon Reborn. Later on in the series, the world (or at least the part of the world that we see) is beset by an endless summer. Heat pervades, drought persists, and there is no doubt that The Dark One is doing so in an attempt to smother the denizens of the world into submission. The threat is considered so great that the advancing plot of the entire series is eventually called to a halt so that this “endless summer” can be thwarted.

In our world, summer temperatures are reaching record highs across the northern hemisphere; this seemingly endless steamroom of a season was probably what Rand, Mat, Egwene, and company had to suffer in The Wheel of Time. But our summer can’t actually last forever, right? As half the world gears up for more heatwaves through August, I got to wondering: just how long did the world of Jordan’s Wheel of Time have to hold out?

The beginning of The Wheel of Time’s heatwave has no exact start date, but we know that Book 3, The Dragon Reborn, starts in late winter. From the Prologue chapter “Fortress of the Light”:

Twin fires on the long hearth at either end of the room held off the late winter cold.

The Dragon Reborn largely concerns itself with Rand scampering off to Tear as Moiraine, Perrin, Mat, and company follow behind. Rand starts his journey near the beginning of a calendar year, but how long does it take for him to get to Tear?

Steven Cooper’s Chronology of The Wheel of Time provides an exact answer, tracking the character’s movements by the phases of the moon and (at this point in the series) the length of time it would take the characters to travel by foot/horse/boat. Cooper’s chronology then appends that data to our 12-month calendar since the events of The Wheel of Time actually take place on an Earth in the far future/distant past.

Cooper’s chronology notes the events of The Dragon Reborn as starting in January or February, and concluding on May 20th. If The Dark One has implemented its “endless summer” stratagem then its effects are not yet apparent on account of it still being late winter and spring during the events of Book 3.

Book 4, The Shadow Rising, obfuscates the issue by setting two of its three plotlines in (A) the equivalent of the Gulf of Mexico and (B) a vast desert. The only setting where it is possible to find evidence for the onset of the “endless summer” is in Perrin’s plotline, which takes the character back to the temperate woodland climate of Emond’s Field on June 9th. Not long after the arrival of the characters, the narrative gives an indication of the summer’s heat. From Chapter 30, “Beyond the Oak”:

[Mistress Al’Vere to Loial] “I do wish there was something we could do about your height, Master Loial. I know it is hot, but would you mind wearing your cloak, with the hood up?”

The events in The Shadow Rising extend to mid-summer, where Book 5, The Fires of Heaven, begins. Chapter 1, “Fanning the Sparks” gives the reader the first direct evidence that The Dark One is causing an unnatural lengthening of the summer heat, accompanied by drought:

South and west it blew, dry, beneath a sun of molten gold. There had been no rain for long weeks in the land below, and the late-summer heat grew day by day. Brown leaves come early dotted some trees, and naked stones baked where small streams had run.

While summer naturally begins in The Shadow Rising, it is The Fires of Heaven that makes it clear that summer is being unnaturally extended. (How The Dark One is pumping that much energy into the atmosphere is unclear, and a bit beyond the scope of this article. Maybe The Dark One is cheating and just diverting global jetstreams around the Westlands continent, naturally creating a massive dome of stagnant high pressure air?) Cooper’s Chronology can now be used to find how long the summer lasts. Nynaeve, Elayne, and Aviendha use the Bowl of Winds in Book 8, The Path of Daggers, to fix the weather. The first indication that they have succeeded is in Chapter 20, “Into Andor”, when a light rain begins to fall. Cooper pegs Chapter 20 as occurring on January 20th.

June 20th (sometimes the 21st) is the summer solstice, marking the beginning of summer on Earth’s northern hemisphere. Therefore, the “endless summer” in The Wheel of Time lasts almost exactly seven months. That is a long, dangerous stretch of what are most likely 100 F/37 C+ days, especially when coupled with an absence of rain.

But in a roundabout way, did this “extra” summer actually help the forces of Light?

Heatwaves are dangerous. Over time they disrupt the body’s ability to thermoregulate, making a person heat-sick and eventually causing permanent organ damage. (At a certain threshold the body is storing more heat than it is emitting, so a person’s internal temperature rises and the organs start cooking slowwwly.) Heatwaves also shove out cloud cover, and the constant direct sunlight hastens drought conditions. This dry vegetation is essentially tinder for naturally occurring wildfires, which can wipe out large swaths of forest and usable farmland. (This land recovers but is unusable for habitation until it does.) Heat also disrupts the pollination and growth process of plants, leading to lesser, or even negated, crop yields. An unending heatwave can eliminate water, food, and the animal and manpower required to harvest it.

But a heatwave needs time to affect crop yields to such an extent, even when coupled with a supernaturally maintained drought. (In the 1930s it took three unceasing years of drought—and bad plowing practices—to turn the farmlands in the U.S. plains into dust. The extended drought experienced by California this decade took a similar length of time to reach a point where the effects became widespread.) While a summer that is a little hotter and a little drier than usual will affect crop yields, it is safe to assume that food production in The Wheel of Time could function as normal through the seven months that comprise The Dark One’s “endless summer”.

That the heatwave lasts only seven months is key. Even though conditions worsen as the heatwave sticks around into the fall and deep winter, farmlands and food crops in the Westlands could remain viable until the following summer, when lack of water would be severe enough to trigger widespread crop loss, with famines following. However, since the “endless summer” sticks around for only 4 months after the onset of autumn, does this mean that the Dark One’s machinations actually ended up giving farmers an extra growing season?

When considering what could be grown in a temperate climate that was given an extra (though dry) summer, there are three groupings of food crops that should be taken into account.

  • Biennials, which need two years, and a “cold period” in the middle, to grow to maturity. In essence, they begin growth in one summer, continue through an altered cycle of growth over the winter, then finish growing the next summer.
  • Annuals, which take one year to grow. They begin growing in the spring and reach maturity in the late summer or fall of the same year. (There are also “winter annuals”, which start growing in the fall and finish in the spring.)
  • Perennials, which grow on a constant rapid cycle, regardless of the time of year, if the climate is favorable.

An endless summer would seriously hinder biennial crops like spinach, certain onions, carrots, some lettuces, and assorted herbs, since a portion of their growth cycle is being directly disrupted by the loss of a cold season.

Wait, spinach, onions, carrots, lettuces…

THE DARK ONE HATES SALAD.

While biennials would struggle, annuals, since their growing season is three to four months, would suddenly have an entire extra summer in which to be planted and harvested. These crops include much of the mass-produced food that forms the basis of our diet, like wheat, corn, rice, and soy. Perennials don’t quite receive an entire extra growing season, but they would most likely be a go-to choice for farmers taking advantage of the warm weather thanks to the necessity of “crop rotation”.

As plants grow they extract nutrients—specific minerals and elements like nitrogen—from the soil in which they are planted. That soil typically needs a growing season to refresh the store of those nutrients. Crop rotation also controls fungi and other pests that feed on particular crops. For example, if a farmer rotates their potato crop to a new field in the next season, then any potato bugs lingering in the first field lose their food source and die out, making the field fit for replanting of that crop.

Crop rotation can be as simple or as complex as the farmer needs it to be. Better Hens has a handy overall chart explaining one possible order in which to plant and rotate crops, and here’s a crop rotation schedule from Ukraine Farming that specifies rotation of grains over land-type.

Essentially, the extra growing season provided by the “endless summer” would result in more grains and fruits for the Westlands continent. And while the fruits wouldn’t keep past the following spring, the grains would be able to last 1 to 2 years, which easily encompasses the time between the events of The Path of Daggers and the end of the series.

While the weather and the soil remain amenable to an extra growing season during this period of endless summer, it’s an open question as to how many farmers would be willing or able to take advantage of it. A farmer is not going to break from their annual rhythm and replant just because of a warm September. But what about a warm October? A warm November? Winters are a struggle for farms, both in terms of finances and food, and while farming is a cautious and practiced profession, it’s quite possible that crop farmers would at least take advantage of the warmer weather to plant perennials. Those with larger estates would most likely consider reseeding for wheat, as well, instead of leaving perfectly temperate fields inactive.

Farmers and estate owners who do decide to replant during this extra growing season could face issues with labor shortages and possessorship of land. During the events of The Fires of Heaven, certain lands would be too war-torn to be able to plant new crops. The Shaido tear through large swaths of Cairhien during this point in the series, the Two Rivers has just been through hell, and Andor’s leadership is in absentia. These three territories hold vast tracts of farmland, and it can be surmised that a significant portion of it is abandoned or damaged, since the Dragon Reborn orders grain to be shipped north from Tear after stabilizing Andor and Cairhien.

These conflicts are settled by the end of The Fires of Heaven, but is that in time for the survivors to return to their farms and begin a new crop? Would the destruction of their lands actually motivate the farmers to plant anew so they can get back on their feet? Or would there simply not be enough manpower to plant again?

There isn’t enough detail to determine a reliable answer to that question, but the advantage of an additional growing season remains for the forces of the Light (and really, thanks to the forces of the Light. If Aviendha, Elayne, and Nynaeve hadn’t ended the summer when they did, farmlands would have quickly started to become unviable.) Even if only 15% of farmers in the Westlands are able to take advantage of that extra growing season, that is still a massive amount of extra food. Considering that crops begin to fail in the following summer (around Books 10 and 11), and that Rand himself spoils food up to the end of Book 12, The Gathering Storm, it is possible that this additional 15% is the only thing that prevents the people of the Westlands continent from being starved out by the time that The Last Battle arrives.

Which means that the only reason the forces of the Westlands number large enough to win Tarmon Gai’don is because of The Dark One’s own intervention.

With every turn of the Wheel, the Shadow’s hatred of salad leads to its own undoing.

This article was originally published in September 2016.


Five Books About Unconventional Pirates

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Masted ships. The salty tang as a wide blue wave crashes onto a sandy shore. Sweaty, drunk defected sailors hiccupping through bawdy chanties. The pop and snap of a Jolly Roger flag.

Pirates, amiright?

The imagery around these figures (in fiction and nonfiction) evokes vivid tales of buried treasure, running from the Crown, and banning together in a fellowship of scoundrels. No wonder so many novels have leapt off the starboard railing and cannonballed into the endless indigo waters of pirate stories.

But what about the books that turn piracy inside out? The ones that plunk tightly-knit brigands into outer space or chuck scrappy rebels into dystopic high seas?

In my latest book, These Rebel Waves, dozens of rivers divide the fictional island of Grace Loray—rivers that contain much desired botanical magic. With the most valuable objects in the world nestled in riverbeds, the pirates in These Rebel Waves—known as stream raiders—take to steamboats to better help them navigate the narrow waterways. But they are pirates in their rebellion from traditional government, in their unity and pride in being outlaws; they are coldhearted and merciless, enacting their own justice and bowing to no one.

Pirates need not be limited to the island-dotted Caribbean or the richest ports throughout the historic world—some don’t even need to be limited by time at all.

 

Pacifica by Kristen Simmons

Climate change has altered the face of the world as we know it, flooding most of the land and warping the weather itself. Humanity struggles to divvy out the remaining resources, with many sections of society ostracized and all-out forgotten. Enter the corsarios—pirates who scrounge through the garbage-clogged seas, picking valuables out of the scraps and holding their outlaw community together with grit and determination. Simmons’ pirates are as brutal as their pull-no-punches world. If you aren’t big into recycling, Pacifica will change your mind—unless you think you have what it takes to be a scrappy (literally) dystopic trash pirate.

 

The Girl From Everywhere by Heidi Heilig

Nix, the main character in Heilig’s The Girl From Everywhere, isn’t bound by silly things like the laws of time and space. Her father’s ship can cross to any location—historical or not—so long as they have a map to follow. Let me summarize: time. traveling. pirates. What could go wrong? (Hint: everything, in a spectacular cacophony of history and present, timelines and regret.)

 

Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld

Okay, okay, the characters in Westerfeld’s Leviathan trilogy don’t call themselves pirates, but as the series unfurls, these characters deviate from the standard law-abiding path—which, in my opinion, gives them unofficial status as Pirates. This historical reimagining of World War I throws advanced steampunk technology in with—brace for impact—genetically engineered “beasties” used as living zeppelins. Flying steampunk pirates with terrifying beasties at their beck and call? Yes, it is as delicious as it sounds!

 

The Abyss Surrounds Us by Emily Skrutskie

Keeping with the theme of pirates and vicious beasts, may I submit for consideration the Reckoners in Skrutskie’s The Abyss Surrounds Us. Reckoners train genetically enhanced sea-beasts to protect ships from pirates and—wait, protect ships from pirates? How are Reckoners considered pirates, then? Well, you’ll have to read this story of monster-training pirates to find out!

 

Heart of Iron by Ashley Poston

No list of unconventional pirates is complete without everyone’s favorite trope: SPACE PIRATES. Poston’s Heart of Iron is the heart-racing, planet-jumping rip through outlaw-infested space you’ve been looking for—and it’s a retelling of Anastasia to top it off. A lost princess, a snarky pilot, characters more family than crew, and enough chases through the sky, land, and stars to get your blood churning like the stormy seas.

 

Sara Raasch has known she was destined for bookish things since the age of five, when her friends had a lemonade stand and she tagged along to sell her hand-drawn picture books too. Not much has changed since then: her friends still cock concerned eyebrows when she attempts to draw things, and her enthusiasm for the written word still drives her to extreme measures. She is the New York Times bestselling author of the Snow Like Ashes series. These Rebel Waves kicks off a new fantasy series—available August 7th from Balzer + Bray. You can visit her online at Tumblr and @seesarawrite on Twitter.

Tragical Misery Tour (of Húrin) and the Return of the Sons (and Jewel) of Fëanor

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In Which Morgoth Plays His Last Húrin Card, A Silmaril Raises the Stakes, Dwarves Play Too Close to the Chest, Thingol Folds, Ents Are Wild, and Menegroth Collapses like a House of Cards

In Chapter 22, “Of the Ruin of Doriath,” it’s finally time to say goodbye to Beleriand’s first kingdom of the Eldar, one whose roots began in Chapter 4 when a Teleri Elf-lord named Elwë met a goddess in the woods, changed his name, and decided to tarry indefinitely in Middle-earth. But if there’s one lesson to be learned in Tolkien’s legendarium, it’s that nothing lasts forever…even the most beautiful and majestic of works—maybe especially those. Appreciate it while you can.

Sadly, it’s the aftermath of the Tale of the Children of Húrin (especially the short, if storied, life of Túrin Turambar) that triggers the end of Doriath, as Morgoth manipulates his most famous “guest” in order to further his designs. A lost treasure is recovered, gives King Thingol some crazy ideas, and garners the wrong sort of attention. But hey, we finally get to see Ents in action!…for, like, a second.

Dramatis personæ of note:

  • Húrin – Man-of-war, old codger
  • Morgoth – Ex-Vala, unspeakably offensive asshole
  • Thingol – Sinda, king, Elewëezer Scrooge
  • Melian – Maia (not long for Middle-earth)
  • Beren – Man, one-handed retiree
  • Dior – Half-Elf, son of Beren

Of the Ruin of Doriath

The last chapter can generally be filed away as a victory for Morgoth, but maybe not a win on all fronts. He had indeed heaped woe upon the family of Húrin and in the process got to cross out one of the Elf-realms on his hit list.But he’s lost Glaurung in the process. He could have done so much more with the father of all dragons. Well, no matter. There are other fire-drakes in the sea, as they say (although not literally, especially since Morgoth hates the Sea and always has). And if the designs he’s been seeing in Angband’s R&D are any indication, the next batch looks promising!

Húrin himself, by now Morgoth’s most famous prisoner, has grown old and grey sitting in that not-so-comfy chair up on Thangorodrim these last twenty-eight years. And all this time, he’s witnessed the disasters of his children’s lives unfold. And not just from some Orc’s secondhand account, but “through Morgoth’s eyes” directly. We’re never explicitly told how that surveillance manifested; probably some malicious mix of spy reports and actual Ainu-powered sight beyond sight.

All along, it’s been mystifying just trying to figure out what Morgoth can perceive. We’re told he knows more than his enemies guessed, but at the same time he can’t physically see everything—certainly the Dark Lord’s gaze cannot penetrate the Girdle of Melian, just as Third Age Sauron “gropes” ever to see Galadriel and her thought, but fails. Morgoth didn’t always know where Túrin was until the dude foolishly stood up and did something to give himself away (several times). Still, the secondary purpose of the Dark Lord’s torment of Húrin—to wring from him the location of Gondolin—never really worked out. Húrin never cracked, never said, “Fine, enough! I’ll talk.” But, although Morgoth may not have conquered Húrin son of Galdor so directly, the years of sorrow have certainly eroded him.

At long last, Morgoth lets him go free! Because at the end of the day, enough is enough, and there’s only so much evil a rogue Ainu—who once sought the Flame Imperishable all for himself before the universe was made—is capable of achieving. NOT. But seriously, Morgoth has nothing to gain by killing Húrin and might yet be able to use him still. He pretends he pities the Man’s utter defeat. But nah, that’s not really it.

Just as when Sauron lets Gollum leave Mordor in the later years of the Third Age, he, too, has a purpose. As is explained in Unfinished Tales:

But Sauron perceived the depth of Gollum’s malice towards those that had “robbed” him, and guessing that he would go in search of them to avenge himself, Sauron hoped that his spies would thus be led to the Ring.

You might think that an unfair parallel. Húrin isn’t like Gollum, surely. Húrin blames Morgoth himself for his woes, not his own friends, whereas Gollum’s hate extends beyond just Sauron. Well, Húrin’s been in a dark place for a very long time. He’s been a captive audience of Morgoth’s unfolding curse, and he’s seen only what the Dark Lord wanted him to see. Morgoth, being the chief asshole that he is, withheld all the good stuff, the happier moments of Túrin and Nienor’s lives. Húrin probably knew next to nothing about Túrin’s happier days when he was reared in Doriath as a boy and adolescent, though he certainly knows that Thingol and Melian were fostering him.

But actually, on the deeds of those two “Morgoth sought most to cast an evil light,” seeking to poison Húrin against Melian and Thingol. Why? Because the Dark Lord especially hated and feared the king and queen of Doriath, as he does so…many…things…

Now, Húrin doesn’t actually believe Morgoth. He knows better than anyone how much of an asshole the Dark Lord is, and that he’s incapable of pity. But that doesn’t mean he sees the ulterior motives behind his release. Well, anyway, Morgoth gives him a sword to wear and a black staff to help him on his way. So off old Húrin goes with whatever shred of dignity he’s got left, a long beard, and, I have to think, some very stiff joints. Smell ya later!

First Húrin wanders into Hithlum, where he used to live. Morgoth sends a contingent of “captains and black soldiers of Angband” to follow him, such that word goes around amongst the Easterlings who occupy the region as well as the remnants of Húrin’s own people, thinking him someone special in “league and honor with Morgoth.” Therefore no one bothers him: Easterlings don’t hinder him, but neither do his scattered old friends help him in any way. Even those who would recognize him won’t trust him now. They have to be thinking, as Shawn Marchese of the PPP supposes, “Who did you sell out to be released?”

This sure doesn’t feel like freedom.

Old Man Shakes Fist At Cloud

“Marrer of Middle-earth…!” by Peter Xavier Price

Bitterly, Húrin moves on, seeking shelter and/or comfort elsewhere. With the army of darkness no longer following him—now only Morgoth’s spies tail him—he crosses the Vale of Sirion and comes up to the edge of the Echoriath, or Encircling Mountains, in the land of Dimbar. He remembers that time when he was a boy. He and his brother, Huor, were “bewildered in the deceits of that land,” because Dimbar is right next to Nan Dungortheb, that dreadful vale where Ungoliant’s brood dwelt. Back then, the boys were picked up by Eagles, saved from the deprivations of the wilderness, and dropped off in the city of the Elf-king Turgon!

Húrin indeed remembers, and it’s one little thread of hope left. Somewhere behind these mountain walls is Gondolin—hidden, secret, safe. Maybe a good place for a tired old veteran to retire. Perhaps the Elf-king will pity him now. Why wouldn’t he? Wasn’t it Húrin and his Men who held the pass in the Battle of Unnumbered Tears, an act which allowed Turgon’s forces to escape the slaughter? Surely Turon will take in his old friend now.

He looks for the great birds, stares long into the sky and the sheer walls of the mountains. And…nothing. No Eagles, nothing but cold winds, clouds above, and shadows in the east. He cries out for Turgon, asking him to remember the Fen of Serech—where, again, Húrin and the Men of Hador had helped his ass—and the asses of all the Gondolindrim that day—in their retreat so long ago. But if anyone hears his shouts, there is no answer.

“Húrin Reaches the Echoriath” by Ted Nasmith

Also, just who does he think he is roaming around like some mountain hermit with a staff? A staff-wielding poster boy for Led Zeppelin?

And yet the eagle-eyed birds do see him. Of course they do. Thorondor himself, King of the Eagles, flies down into the Hidden City and brings word of Húrin’s presence directly to Turgon, whose response (if we’re being honest) is more than a little curt.

‘Does Morgoth sleep? You were mistaken.’

‘Not so,’ said Thorondor. ‘If the Eagles of Manwë were wont to err thus, then long ago, lord, your hiding would have been in vain.’

Turgon totally deserves Thorondor’s retort, because although his Ulmo-prompted secret city was the work of many Elves and many years of labor, no way would all of Morgoth’s spies been kept away without the help of the Eagles. I especially like that Thorondor name-drops his boss. You know, *ahem*, the King of Arda, mightiest of the Valar. Well, it does get Turgon to think further on the matter. If Húrin is indeed just traipsing about freely and walking right up the mountains this close to Gondolin’s location—which no one outside of Gondolin is supposed to know—then he figures his old friend must be a puppet of Morgoth’s now. Must have surrendered his will to the Dark Lord, a tragedy indeed. Gondolin has remained hidden for centuries, and Turgon has taken many pains—and let’s face it, some heat—for keeping it so. He figures he can’t afford to risk it all now, not even for Húrin. Thus Turgon’s “heart is shut,” and so he must give his old friend the cold shoulder.

Thorondor presumably shrugs his 90-foot wings then flies off, leaving the king to brood. After reflecting on all he knows about Húrin and his deeds for quite a while, the immortal Elf-king who has lived thousands of years finally softens. Has a change of heart…but…too late. He sends for the Eagles to bring Húrin in, but by this point the old Man has gone. Meanwhile, Morgoth’s spies report back to him precisely where Húrin had gone and where he’d called out to Turgon. Now Morgoth’s got a rough idea where Gondolin might be. He’s circling the Encircling Mountains on his map.

“Hurin Searches for the Echoriath of Gondolin” by Kip Rasmussen

Leaving the northern realms behind him, Húrin goes south, drawn towards Brethil by the voice of his wife, Morwen, which comes to him in his dreams. Whether this is premonition, actual guidance from on high, or just his own haunted mind, we’re left guessing. But as he walks, he already knows where to go—not because he’s been there before, but because he’s already seen it one way or the other, through Morgoth’s eyes.

So one day he comes to the Crossings of Taeglin, to the site where Glaurung’s body was burned, and to the large gray stone that was placed above the mound where his son’s body was buried. Húrin is on a walking tour of Túrin’s life.

And sitting there by the gravestone of her children is Morwen! And though she is old and grey now, her eyes still shine with the light that had earned her the nickname Elfsheen. We haven’t seen her in a quite awhile, but Húrin hasn’t seen his wife in twenty-eight years! Through all his time as a captive of Angband, and all the tidings and visions shared with him, surely none would include a view of his wife, “proudest and most beautiful of mortal women in the days of old.” Morgoth would not have allowed so fair a sight for sore eyes.

Their words in this meeting are brief and laced with sorrow. These are parents whose children have all died before them—a living nightmare.

‘You come at last,’ she said. ‘I have waited too long.’

‘It was a dark road. I have come as I could,’ he answered.

‘But you are too late,’ said Morwen. ‘They are lost.’

‘I know it,’ he said. ‘But you are not.’

But Morwen said: ‘Almost. I am spent. I shall go with the sun. Now little time is left: if you know, tell me! How did she find him?’

“Húrin Finds Morwen” by Ted Nasmith

And Húrin gives her mercy by not answering her. Best if she departs this world in ignorant “bliss.” They sit together in silence by the stone, and when she dies at the rising of the sun, Húrin can see the grief on her face fade away. Death is the ultimate escape from evil and its author in this world—Ilúvatar’s gift, which even Elves cannot have. And though Húrin is a broken man, he can see his wife has retained her dignity; she was never “conquered.” She is free now.

* Then it’s beyond the circles of the world for her.

But he sure isn’t. Not yet. Moreover, deadly anger that “masters reason” now takes hold of him. He is resolved now to judge all of those who ever had dealings with his family—somehow, to him, they’re all complicit in their doom. Which is really what Morgoth wanted, naturally. Before he sets off on that errand, Húrin buries his wife near the same stone that bears the names of their children. He carves her name into it, so now three of them are accounted for.

“Spoiler” Alert: We’re told that this gravestone goes down in song as the Stone of the Hapless, and that when the seas drown “all the land”—which, again, will definitely be happening—this bit of land will remain above the waves. There’ll be a little island called Tol Morwen that survives the cataclysm.

But for now, the lands remain dry and Húrin heads south. He sees the red hill of Amon Rûdh far-off but doesn’t bother stopping. Nothing to see there! Oh, he knows all about what went down there.

When he reaches Nargothrond, he picks his way across the broken stones of that old broken bridge in the river. And there at the similarly shattered doors of Finrod Felagund’s cave-city, he is met by the last of the Petty-Dwarves: Mîm. They’re just two grumpy old men with long beards staring at each other—one short, one shorter. Mîm has been living here for a while now, alone, just hanging with the now-unclaimed treasure hoard which surely still stinks of dragon. The very memory of Glaurung has kept everyone else away from it, as if it were haunted by his spirit.

But it looks like Mîm picked the wrong week to act indignant. He demands to know what this geriatric rando wants, and when Húrin in turn asks his name, Mîm gives it proudly. He verbalizes his claim on the spoils of Nargothrond as the last of his people. Húrin then tells the Petty-Dwarf who he is, and who his son was—who Mîm recalls all too well. *gulp* And Húrin says he knows precisely who it was who betrayed the Dragon-helm of Dor-lómin. *gulp*

Mîm’s number has finally come up. Pleading worked with Túrin but it doesn’t work with Túrin’s old man. Húrin is unmoved, so he just runs the Petty-Dwarf through as a matter of course. How nice of Morgoth to have given him a sword to help work through his murderous issues.

The Elves hold that Dwarves, when they die, revert back to the earth from which they were made.
The Dwarves believe that Aulë “gathers them to Mandos in halls set apart.”

But yeah, Húrin’s on a cold-hearted errand and can’t be bothered with such as Mîm. And just like that, the last of the race of Petty-Dwarves is extinguished. So then what?

Then he entered in, and stayed a while in that dreadful place, where the treasures of Valinor lay strewn upon the floors in darkness and decay; but it is told that when Húrin came forth from the wreck of Nargothrond and stood again beneath the sky he bore with him out of all that great hoard but one thing only.

To think, this is the place where Galadriel visited her brother Finrod, where Beren later came to seek his help, where Celegorm and Curufin whipped up the people against their king and his mortal friend, where the two C-brothers later imprisoned Lúthien, where Huan the hound of Valinor busted her out, and ultimately the place where the greatest number of valuables from Valinor had been cached. Now it’s just a gloomy ruin with decaying treasures and probably loads of dragon filth. And Húrin got the one thing he came for.

Next stop: Doriath.

The Elves that guard the borders admit him, after the king and queen grant permission for him to pass the Girdle of Melian. Soon Húrin stands before Thingol and Melian in Menegroth—possibly even for the first time, and certainly for the last.

They look at him in grief and pity. He looks dreadful, and not just because of his age. The face of anyone who’s had the company of only Morgoth—and probably some ugly-ass Orcs attendants—for twenty-eight years is just not going to be a congenial one. He, in turn, looks at the Elven royals who looked after his wife and kids in his long absence, but he’s not looking kindly at them. Morgoth has assassinated the character of Thingol and Melian in Húrin’s estimations.

They greet him in honor, but he says nothing at all. He simply pulls out that one prize he’d taken from Nargothrond and tosses it at the Elf-king’s feet. And it’s no less than the Nauglamír, the Necklace of the Dwarves, which had been a gift to Finrod back in the days before even the making of Gondolin, way back in Chapter 13. Wrought of gold and strewn with gems schlepped over from Valinor, this was always a kingly gift. Húrin bitterly calls it the king’s “fee” for watching over his family, and he reminds Thingol that it was left in Nargothrond by Finrod—who, by the way, went off to die seeking a Silmaril because he was helping Beren—who, by the way, was on his own suicidal quest—which, by the way, was undertaken because of Thingol. Hope you’re happy, Thingol.

Of course, Thingol is astonished to see this relic (of course he knows about his nephew’s famous Dwarf-necklace!) and he’s annoyed with Húrin’s scornful words, but pity for this Man who must have been through the Dark Lord’s wringer keeps him in check. Melian being Melian, however, cuts straight to the heart of it. See, the Maia queen doesn’t mince words. When you get her wisdom, you get it unfiltered. She’s the real article. What you see is what you get (as well as a great deal more). She says:

Húrin Thalion, Morgoth hath bewitched thee; for he that seeth through Morgoth’s eyes, willing or unwilling, seeth all things crooked. Long was Túrin thy son fostered in the halls of Menegroth, and shown love and honour as the son of the King; and it was not by the King’s will nor mine that he came never back to Doriath. And afterwards thy wife and thy daughter were harboured here with honour and goodwill; and we sought by all means that we might to dissuade Morwen from the road to Nargothrond. With the voice of Morgoth thou dost now upbraid they friends.

And her words are an ice bucket of clarity, cutting right through the deception that clouds Húrin’s mind. For once—that we know of—someone finally listens to Melian and takes her words to heart. And her eyes! After all, her whole lovely face shines with the “light of Aman” and the Two Trees of Valinor like no other. Húrin stares into those eyes for a long time and sees the heartbreaking truth, tasting “at last the fullness of woe that was measured for him by Morgoth.”

He picks up the Nauglamír and places it more respectfully in Thingol’s hands, asking him to accept the treasure “from one who has nothing.” But he concludes:

For now my fate is fulfilled, and the purpose of Morgoth achieved; but I am his thrall no longer.

And this marks the end of the line for Húrin. He walks away, and everyone he passes looks at him and sees the gravity of his doom. No one stops him or even observes where he goes. He just ups and disappears from all history. Húrin has no desire to live and nothing left to do. The Elves believe “the mightiest of the warriors of mortal Men” simply cast himself into the sea. There is no memorial, no gravestone, no future isle.

At this point the narrative pans out again and we see the aftermath of Húrin’s gift unfold rapidly, even though the events themselves play out over the next couple of years. And it starts with Thingol going down a lonely and ill-advised path. Rather, he had been going down this path for a while already, but now it really picks up speed.

Remember, Thingol has in his possession a Silmaril, the same one cut from Morgoth’s crown by Beren. The text itself smartly reminds us that this is a “jewel of Fëanor,” as Thingol’s obsession with it sure does sound familiar. He’s become bound to its power and beauty, and won’t even part with it while sleeping. Which I’m sure Melian just loves.

But actually, it was she who first called it, way back in Chapter 19 when Thingol impulsively demanded a Silmaril as a requirement for Beren to have his Lúthien’s hand in marriage.

For you have doomed either your daughter, or yourself. And now is Doriath is drawn within the fate of a mightier realm.

Indeed, they have already lost their daughter. At this very time, Lúthien is still alive, living her second life with Beren on Tol Galen down in Ossiriand, but she’s not coming back to Doriath. And now the doom returns to Doriath itself. The sons of Fëanor have demanded the Silmaril once already, probably many times. Thingol has always brushed that off. He’s not worried (enough) about the sons of Fëanor and their Oath; the Girdle of Melian keeps them out.

“Elu Thingol” by Bohemian Weasel

But now that he’s got both a Silmaril and the Nauglamír, he has the genius idea to combine them. Why not set the Silmaril in the Dwarf-necklace, which is itself already adorned with wondrous gems from Valinor? Two great tastes that taste great together! A bit excessive, to be sure, but to Thingol, the foremost of Beleriand’s kings, apparently it’s a no-brainer. Chocolate and peanut-butter together? Yes, please. The necklace shall be reworked, then, remade. Nauglamír 2.0.

He outsources the job to Dwarves from the Blue Mountains. Why not? He’s worked with them so many times before; they helped him construct Menegroth and had been paid well for their services. Up until now, they’ve had a pretty good relationship, even though they don’t come around so often anymore. Why, they’ve even got chambers and smithies in the bowels of the Thousand Caves solely for when they do come to visit and work. But unfortunately, when the Dwarf-smiths come by nowadays, they do so with large armed companies. Which they hadn’t had to do back in the day, before Morgoth broke the leaguer of the Noldor. Back then, whenever they came walking down from their mountains west along the Dwarf-road and right up to the woods of Doriath, there weren’t Orcs and wolves and Eru knows what else roaming the countryside to worry about. But now? The wilds of Beleriand are rough, you’ve got to have protection on the road. No more happy-go-lucky “Heigh-ho, heigh-ho…”

Which all really turns out to be bad news for Thingol.

When the Dwarves of Nogrod—specifically it’s craftsmen from that city who have recently come—look upon the Nauglamír, they’re impressed. This was the work of their own fathers, for it was crafted centuries ago for Finrod Felagund (who everyone liked) in the prime of his reign. And then they see the sizable glowing stone that Thingol wants installed therein: the Silmaril, which still shines forth with its own radiance from the blended light of the Two Trees of Valinor. Holy shit this thing is amazing!! Straightaway a lustful desire to have both necklace and jewel takes hold of these Dwarves, but they zip their lips and agree to the commission.

Thingol is that customer who brings a folding chair and sits there and watches you work on his car, right there in your shop. Making you uncomfortable. He hovers over the Dwarves as they work in their smithies, mostly because he refuses to be parted with the Silmaril and needs to keep in close proximity. One hopes, at least, that before he went down into the subterranean workshops, his last words to Melian were nice ones. Because he’s just one guy—one Elf, mighty Calaquendë though he is— hanging out with a bunch of covetous Dwarf jewel-crafters and all their well-armed bodyguards. Foolish.

“The Nauglamír” by Ted Nasmith

When the necklace is finished, and its gems now reflect the Silmaril set among them in “marvellous hues,” Thingol reaches for it. He cannot wait. A worthwhile commission on his part. But then the Dwarves reveal their desire. They withhold the Nauglamír and demand what claim he has on it after all. It was made by Dwarves for Finrod Felagund, who is dead now, and Thingol only has it because a Man stole it from the hoard of Nargothrond—which, by the way, was itself first wrought by Dwarven hands, too. Which rather echoes a bit of Boromir when he tries to take the One Ring from Frodo:

It is not yours save by unhappy chance. It might have been mine. It should be mine. Give it to me!

Now, the jewelers of Nogrod make no mention of the Silmaril that’s now part of the Nauglamír; they’re arguing semantics about the Necklace itself. That one of the greatest works of the Children of Ilúvatar just happens to be attached to it is just…a total coincidence? Yeah, happenstance. That’s the ticket!

Well, the Elf-king sees their pretext for what it is, and his reaction is vintage Thingol. After all his seemingly uncharacteristic sympathy over the course of the last few chapters, now we see him at his worst again. I never thought Thingol was a terrible guy, or even a terrible king; but he absolutely is too haughty for his own good. And there, standing alone among the Dwarven craftsmen and their well-armed guards, he verbally screws the pooch.

How do ye of uncouth race dare to demand aught of me, Elu Thingol, Lord of Beleriand, whose life began by the waters of Cuiviénen years uncounted ere the fathers of the stunted people awoke?

Truly, Thingol’s words showcase his greatest hits: racism, arrogance, and disdain. (If you look in the Middle-earth Dictionary under the word superciliousness, you’ll find a handsome portrait of Elu Thingol, Lord of Beleriand, there.) He’s even playing the senior card; but wow, to actually hear for the first time that he was born, if not “awakened,” right there in the pre-Oromë birthplace of the Elves is rather stunning. He’s among the oldest of the Children of Ilúvatar! Not to mention the physically tallest, standing here among the physically shortest.

And he’s not necessarily in the wrong here—these Dwarves did intend to take the Nauglamir+Silmaril away with them when their work was done—but he sure isn’t wise to speak like this to their bearded faces. Not without Mablung having his back or something, or even Melian.

“Thingol’s End” by Peter Xavier Price

He caps off his rant by telling them to scram without any payment for their work. I mean, they’ve just finished their contribution to the “greatest of the works of Men and Elves” that were ever brought together—the Silmaril for the Elves and the Nauglamír for the Dwarves. I mean, were they doing this unparalleled work pro bono? Of course not. And is the narrator suggesting that this carcanet, set with gems uncounted and which rests as lightly as a strand of flax, is greater an achievement than, say, the whole of Khazad-dûm far away? Possibly! That’s some bauble! But hey, this is Tolkien; magnificent and dangerous jewelry is kind of his thing.

Well, that’s it for the Dwarves. They were just going to hasten away, but now they’re really pissed. There have been squabbles and even some violence between Dwarves and Elves in the past, usually in the wilderness, such as between the Sindar and Petty-Dwarves, but there’s something about this moment which makes it more official. More political. This is Menegroth, as close to metropolitan as you can get in Beleriand, Gondolin not (for long) withstanding.

What happens next is referenced, even in The Hobbit, as the chief grievance between Elves and Dwarves in Middle-earth, and is surely the origin for the distrust between Legolas and Gimli much later. And of course, it’s terrible moments like this that Ilúvatar himself foretold back when Aulë first made the Dwarves:

and often strife shall arise between thine and mine, the children of my adoption and the children of my choice.

Strife indeed: The Dwarves slay the Elf-king right there as he stands among them, possibly by mass stabbing, à la Caesar’s end. And the last thing Thingol sees isn’t the lovely face of his wife, as he might have wanted, but the damn Silmaril he all-too-hastily followed to his ruin.

The king is dead, long live…whoever inherits this mess!

The Dwarf jewelers and their guards hurry their way up and out of Menegroth, speeding as fast as they can with the Silmaril-inlaid Nauglamír. East toward the exit of Doriath, east toward their home in the mountains. But the Elves are fast, and dangerous even over long distances. Once Thingol’s fate is discovered, it’s curtains for the Dwarves. At least, most of them. Only two Dwarves manage to survive the wrath of the Sindar and make it all the way back to the city of Nogrod in the Blue Mountains, sans Nauglamír. At which point those two survivors “told somewhat of all that had befallen” and straight-up lie to their people: they claim that King Thingol ordered the death of the Dwarves.

That’s all the Dwarves of Nogrod need to hear. They wail for their lost kin and master craftsmen and arm themselves for war. And this I find fascinating, but absolutely in keeping with the patterns of the world (and of Tolkien):

It is told that they asked aid from Belegost, but it was denied them, and the Dwarves of Belegost sought to dissuade them from their purpose; but their counsel was unavailing, and ere long a great host came forth from Nogrod, and crossing over Gelion marched westward through Beleriand.

At certain points in The Silmarillion alone (to say nothing of The Lord of the Rings), each race divides at least once—and in the case of Elves, many times—wherein one group either beseeches another of their kind to join them in an ill-advised endeavor or simply chooses not to participate in the poor choices of another. We’ve seen it with the Teleri in Alqualondë opting not to help or join the Noldor storming out of Valinor. We’ve seen it with the Men of Bór not joining with the other Easterlings in siding with Morgoth. And now we’re seeing it with the Dwarves. This sort of contrast just goes to show that we shouldn’t make judgements about entire peoples. It’s not emphasized in the text, but I think it’s worth noting that it was from the Dwarves of Belegost, not Nogrod, that Thingol first sought “aid and counsel” in the construction of Menegroth. They don’t march out to stop their Nogrod brothers, but they sure aren’t going to be part of the problem.

Now we need to talk about Melian, as the death of Thingol marks the conclusion of an ancient love story. Her husband is dead. Melian sits beside his body there in the basement smithies of Menegroth and recalls their meeting in the forest of Nan Elmoth long ago, before the Sun and Moon ever were, when only stars wheeled above and the trees grew tall around them. As unprecedented as the relationship between the mortal Beren and the Elfmaid Lúthien was, the marriage of Thingol and Melian was even more so. He was born by the shores of a temporal world; she dwelled in the Timeless Halls before there was a universe at all, listened to the words of Eru Ilúvatar, and participated in the Music of the Ainur, the creation of the entire World.

“Thingol and Melian” by Kip Rasmussen

But then, after entering into Arda with other Maiar, living with the Valar first on the isle of Almaren, then in Valinor, and hanging out with her bosses Vána (the Vala of youth) and Estë (Vala of healing and sleep), she did something none of her peers ever did. She went to Middle-earth, took on the physical form of the newly-awakened Elves, bound herself to one particular Elf, and through that union (a) gave birth to Lúthien, and (b) “gained a power over the substances of Arda,” the very power that allowed her to hold evil at bay.

But now that power is dissolving, as her form reverts back to its original Maiar factory settings, from which there is no maintaining the Girdle. It’s as if her physical marriage to Thingol was the on-switch. No on-switch, no power-grid. Doriath is now vulnerable. Which should be an “Oh, shit!” moment for all of Beleriand. One does not simply walk into Doriath, they always said. Well, now anyone can.

It’s a classic tale, really. Boy meets girl. Girl binds herself to the “chain and trammels of the flesh” out of love for boy. Boy gets new name (because Tolkien), becomes better for girl’s presence. Girl weaves magical fence around boy and girl’s new kingdom. Time elapses. Boy dies over trinket. Girl takes fence and goes home.

But no, that’s not quite fair. Melian isn’t leaving her people in the lurch. It’s easy to think that she’s abandoning them now. But she is not one of them. Melian is of a divine race, and this isn’t her fight anymore; Thingol with his own poor decisions has made this choice for her, and for his people. As with Túrin, he didn’t want this tragedy for them all. He just didn’t think it through, didn’t pay attention to the gravity of the situations around him. Didn’t heed her advice often enough. Melian had counseled her husband to surrender the Silmaril to the sons of Fëanor, after all. But no one listens to Melian. No one ever listens to Melian.

So yeah, I don’t blame Melian for any of this. Especially when you consider how long she’s helped keep the Sindar alive against the molestations of Morgoth—to say nothing of Ungoliant, who totally would have crept into the woods of Doriath and filled it with nightmares more than five hundred years ago. The last person to see Melian before she returns to Valinor (where one hopes she can at least visit her husband in the waiting rooms of Mandos) is Mablung, who she entreats to be mindful of the Silmaril (which is still in Doriath) and to send word of what’s happened to her daughter and son-in-law where they are living in Ossiriand.

So where, astute readers may wonder, is Galadriel in all this? We don’t get the answer in this book. But, in the “Mirror of Galadriel” chapter of The Lord of the Rings, she does offer some Silmarillion-pertinent information. Speaking of her husband, Celeborn, she says:

He has dwelt in the West since the days of dawn, and I have dwelt with him years uncounted; for ere the fall of Nargothrond or Gondolin I passed over the mountains, and together through ages of the world we have fought the long defeat.

Since Nargothrond has already fallen, this means Galadriel has also already said farewell to her royal hosts in Doriath and gone east with Celeborn across the Blue Mountains. This also makes her the first of the Noldor to leave Beleriand yet still remain within Middle-earth. Which is fitting: she’s always been a rebel, a headstrong participant in the exile of the Noldor (less so the Kinslaying), and a seeker of her own realm to rule. Yet we know from the Appendices that she and her husband will dwell in Lindon (what remains of Ossiriand at the end of the First Age) during much of the Second Age.  Still, I would love to read of her of reaction to these dramatic developments in Doriath. Especially the departure of Melian; wistful, one would imagine. Melian was her mentor and friend for such a long time, and now the Maia has returned to Valinor where Galadriel’s entire family either remained (her mom and dad) or were returned to by violence (all her brothers).

“Galadriel and Melian” by sassynails

Anyway, the Dwarves of Nogrod are soon on the march in a great host. They head down along their old Dwarf-road, clear across the woods and plains and right past where the Girdle of Melian used to be. The Elves of Doriath resist, of course, but they’re not at the top of their game. In “doubt and despair,” they just don’t have contingencies in place for the absence of their queen’s power. And so now there is war in the chief realm of the Sindar as Elves and Dwarves clash…and there’s nary an Orc to be found. Truly this is one of Morgoth’s finest hours. Sure, he’d been humiliated by Beren and Lúthien, but look where that stolen jewel got the people of Beleriand. And turning Húrin loose brought the Nauglamír to Doriath, setting this whole dire turn of events in motion, didn’t it? Well done, old Melkor. Well done.

And now, right there in the Thousand Caves of Menegroth, the “fairest dwelling of any king that has ever been east of the Sea,” which were carved by the hands of both Elves and Dwarves, people of both races are slaughtered. Mablung of the Heavy Hand is tragically slain right there before the doors of his king’s treasure vault. I’d like to think he got in a few pun-based one-liners against his foes or was at least extremely heavy-handed in his defense of Menegroth, but ultimately this is the end of the road for him. And many, too many, on both sides.The Silmaril+Nauglamír is eventually swiped and given to the Lord of Nogrod, the Dwarf chieftain who’d led the assault, and a whole lot of treasure gets stuffed into Dwarven pouches, bags, and chests. Then, with loot in hand, they all retreat from Doriath and head back east. Those who survived do, anyway, since there are way fewer than the numbers that set out.

They get pretty far, well beyond the trees of Doriath and across the fields. But when they reach the ford of the River Gelion, Sarn Athrad, where the well-trodden Dwarf-road starts up toward the mountains, battle erupts again as arrows come singing out of the trees. The Green-elves of Ossiriand are upon them! No one steals from the Eldar and gets away with it! And with these Green-elves is Beren, called out of retirement for one last job. And with him is his son, Dior—who, we’re told, had by this time married a Sinda named Nimloth, who in turn is a kinswoman of Celeborn—who was a kinsman of Thingol’s, and as we all know married Galadriel.

Got all that?

Yep, we’re even told, right in the middle of this action-packed corner of the chapter, that Beren’s son already has three young children of his own! Two little lads, Eluréd and Elurín, and one baby girl, Elwing. And these kids are special indeed. They’re the first of the Half-Elven. And—wait, that’s right, Beren and Lúthien are already grandparents! Where does the time go?

Well, let’s get back to the action. The Dwarves are getting sniped by the Green-elves at Sarn Athrad. The Lord of Nogrod is slain by Grampa Beren who is, no doubt, still pretty good even fighting one-handed. When he takes up the Nauglamír and sees the Silmaril—ugh, this old thing again, which Beren himself first pried from Morgoth’s crown back on that crazy first date with his girlfriend long ago. He rinses the blood off the world’s most high-profile MacGuffin in the waters of the Gelion.

Meanwhile, some of the Dwarves did escape even that rout, and hurry their way along the Dwarf-road and up toward their city in the mountains. And that’s when J.R.R. Tolkien tosses all us Ent fans a bone. Maybe more of a morsel. A twig?

Just a breadcrumb, really:

And as they climbed the long slopes beneath Mount Dolmed there came forth the Shepherds of the Trees, and they drove the Dwarves into the shadowy woods of Ered Lindon; whence, it is said, came never one to climb the high passes that led to their homes.

And that’s really all we get. But hey, we’ll take it. Ents (and probably Entwives, too!) are totally on the scene for the first time ever, fulfilling Yavanna’s warning to her husband, Aulë, about the inevitable conflicts between his handmade children and her creations. Now, is this the only true conflict between Ents and Dwarves? Surely not, given the bearded folks’ (a) need for wood to fuel their forges, and (b) the sharpness of their axes. But this is the only one that factors into the great recorded histories of Middle-earth. Also, there’s no way that Treebeard, the oldest of them, isn’t here among the others—however many that is—squashing greedy Dwarves and probably being uncharacteristically hasty about it, too! Old Fangorn never mentions this moment to Gimli, but he probably has a flashback when he looks “dark-eyed” at him in The Two Towers. And clearly in this situation, the Shepherds of the Trees are on the side of the Elves. As much as anyone’s on their “side,” I suppose…

And now for the high-level aftermath.

First the Green-elves of Ossiriand dump all the stolen treasures of Menegroth right there in the River Ascar (which runs perpendicular to Gelion), since the Lord of Nogrod had cursed it as he was dying, and anyway, what need does anyone have for it now? Whatever economy Beleriand had is surely in a poor state, by this point. Oh, then they go and rename the river because duhh, something notable happened there.

Beren takes the Necklace of the Dwarves back with him to Tol Galen and gives it to his wife, who is grieving not only for the death of her father but now for the loss of so much life over mere jewelry. Yet she wears it, because it is meaningful and powerful. So now Lúthien Tinúviel, half-Sinda and half-Maia, already the most beautiful of the Children of Ilúvatar, now wears the Nauglamír, loveliest of the works of the Dwarves, which in turn displays a Silmaril, the pinnacle of the artifice of the Elves. It almost seems too much, right? It should be garish, kitsch, overwrought. But nope. She pulls it off. Lúthien at this time is the “vision of the greatest beauty and glory that has ever been outside the realm of Valinor,” and the so-called Land of the Dead that Live around their island becomes comparable to the deathless land of Aman itself. For a little while. Remember, all things pass eventually.

Soon after, their son Dior leaves the nest with his wife, Nimloth, and their three kids. Why? Because he is now Thingol’s heir and it’s his duty to salvage what they can of Doriath in the wake of its war. The Sindar welcome him, and for a while joy returns to Menegroth. Dior is the new king and he plans to “raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath.” Yay!

“To the Menegroth” by O.G. (steamy)

But this is Arda Marred, there’s still a Dark Lord in the north, and because of the sons of Fëanor, Beleriand can’t have nice things. It starts with Dior one day receiving precious cargo from a visiting lord of the Green-elves: the Necklace of the Dwarves, still housing the Silmaril. He knows this means that his parents have finally died and “gone where go the race of Men to a fate beyond the world.”

* Then they go beyond the circles of the world.
† AGAIN.

This is heavy news for Dior, though it is little surprise, as it was foretold that the power of the Silmaril can speed them on towards their fate beyonds fates. It was, after all, much “too bright for mortal lands.” And so now he wears the Silmaril as the heir of three races: Men, Elves, and Maiar. He’s a sight to behold, just like his legendary mom.

But news travels fast, and the Silmaril’s presence in an unguarded Doriath stirs up the sons of Fëanor. They’ve all been lying low abroad, but these tidings force them to act at last. I say “force” because their terrible Oath, twice made, drives them ever on…even though they totally never tried to get a Silmaril from Morgoth himself, nor did they do more than send messengers to Thingol when he’d held one. And they certainly never had the nerve to seek Lúthien when she wore it. But Lúthien’s son, without her or Beren around? Absolutely. They give Dior exactly one chance to cough up the Silmaril, and he doesn’t respond at all.

Tragically, all seven of Fëanor’s boys come forth with military force. Yes, even Maedhros, the “good” one, and Maglor, the secondborn minstrel who personally composed a song of lament over the Kinslaying in Alqualondë. But it’s Celegorm, easily the douchiest of the seven, who leads this charge in the middle of the very next winter, taking Menegroth by surprise.

Thus for a second time there is battle in the Thousand Caves, but this time it’s Elf-on-Elf, making this a second kinslaying. GAH. This is somehow worse than the first time, possibly in that it’s entirely premeditated. At least in Alqualondë, Fëanor and his gang started killing the Teleri only when the Teleri started to shove the Noldor off their boats—more of a crime of passion. This time, their Oath has made murder more of a certainty. Dior, and by extension the Elves of Menegroth who rise up in his defense, held, took, and kept a Silmaril—therefore they are pursued with vengeance.

So brief is the account of this battle that it almost feels like the narrator is afraid to zoom in too closely. The body count isn’t given, but many appear to be slain. And—silver lining—that includes all three C-brothers!

To his credit, Dior himself is the one to slay Celegorm—which feels like justice served, as Celegorm once tried to forcefully marry Dior’s mom (and that’s putting it nicely) and stood with his brother Curufin as that one tried to kill Lúthien himself. These guys had this coming for a very, very long time. And now it’s time for a serious timeout in the penalty box of Mandos. I hope Huan is there when he arrives just so he can give his former master a look of stern disappointment.

Yet sadly, Dior and his wife, Nimloth, are also killed in this horrific kinslaying.

Even worse—and this is specifically called out—the “cruel servants” of Celegorm steal away the king and queen’s young sons, Eluréd and Elurín, taking them deep into the wild and then abandoning them to starve. We’re talking probably 6-year-old boys. In Morgoth’s Ring, it’s said that Elven bodies mature more slowly than do the bodies of mortal children, so these are real little kids. When he learns of this, Maedhros actually seeks them out; he is not cool with this, and it’s said he “repents” for it (presumably on behalf of his asshole brothers). But he tries and fails to find them. And since they pass out of all knowledge and history, it’s assumed that the two twins eventually perish.

As Doriath now surely has.

That’s a second Elf-realm checked off Morgoth’s list, and he didn’t have to send a single Orc! Another red-letter day for the Dark Lord in Angband.

But you know what the surviving four sons of Fëanor don’t get? The Silmaril. It, and the Elf toddler Elwing (Dior and Nimloth’s youngest), are secreted away by a remnant of the Elves of Doriath who escape the bloodshed. They head south to the Mouths of Sirion by the sea.

Well, little Elwing, now without her brothers, is going to be super important someday. She’s been name-dropped without detail a few times in The Silmarillion before now, but this chapter begins her story. Her name means Star-spray, “for she was born on a night of stars, whose light glittered in the spray of the waterfall of Lanthir Lamath beside her father’s house.”

Since the sons of Fëanor have reared their heads again, and now are down three of them, it’s time again to roll out that trusty descendants-of-Finwë chart, which sure is looking a bit ragged. Morgoth has done a serious number on the the Noldor and their royals, directly and indirectly. I mean, yikes, only four of Fëanor’s kids are left, one of Fingolfin’s, and one of Finarfin’s. But hey, at least some of promising great-grandkids have been popping up.

*Rest In Mandos

In the next installment, we’ll finally go back to the Hidden City, the last realm standing, as we tackle “Of Tuor and the Fall of Gondolin.” It’s high time Ulmo gets back in the game, innit?!

 

Top image from “Death of the Lord of Nogrod” by O.G. (steamy).

Jeff LaSala can’t leave Middle-earth well enough alone. But Tolkien geekdom aside, he wrote a Scribe Award–nominated D&D novel, produced some cyberpunk stories, and now works for Tor Books. He is sometimes on Twitter.

Three Recent Time Loop Episodes That Are Instant Classics

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Hi—my name is Alasdair, and I love time loop episodes. When done right, they’re a brilliantly efficient piece of storytelling, using the repetition of events and the accretion of knowledge to not only show us more about the characters but often give the writers a chance to have a little fun (and maybe let the production office save a little money). For years, my platonic ideals of this story have been “Cause and Effect” from Star Trek: The Next Generation and “Window of Opportunity” from Stargate SG-1. The former has the best pre-credit sequence ever (Ship explodes! Everyone dies! Cue the music!). The latter has O’Neill and Teal’c trapped in a loop which leads to wormhole golf, a magnificently terrible yellow sweatshirt, and a moment that made fans of a certain ship gleefully punch the air.

Both are immensely fun hours of TV, and recently they’ve been joined among my favorite time loop episodes by three more excellent examples of the form at its absolute best. Here they are:

 

Star Trek: Discovery

Season 1, Episode 7: “Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad” (Written by Aron Eli Coleite & Jesse Alexander)

When the Discovery takes aboard a Gormagander—an incredibly rare space-going whale-like creature—they get an unexpected passenger: Harry Mudd. Intent on taking vengeance on Lorca for leaving him to die, Mudd has both a plan and a device that allows him to loop time until he gets it right. The only problem is, one of the Discovery crew doesn’t really perceive time the same way everyone else does…

This was the episode where Discovery really found its feet for me, and it remains a season highlight, as well as a Hugo finalist. The fact that it stands out isn’t just due to the time loop plot, either, although that does a really effective job of contextualising Harry Mudd, calling attention to Lorca’s plot, and advancing basically every central narrative of the show. Burnham and Tyler’s romance in particular really works here,  as well. It feels real and cautious and complicated (and that’s even before we learn more about Tyler’s true nature in a later episode).

But what’s really memorable here is the way the show takes a very familiar approach to telling its story and then cheerfully refuses to do what you expect with it. I love that Burnham is our POV character but Stamets is the one who the events—but not the story—center on. I love that the situation is resolved by giving Harry exactly what he thinks he wants in a manner that both sets up and provides a framework for his future appearances. Most of all, I love that we get to see a Starfleet crew relax and find that they do so at the same kind of endearingly rubbish, overly enthusiastic parties we’ve all been to at one time or another. After six episodes of appearing as a bunch of slightly grim people in flight suits, in this episode the crew suddenly feel like real, relatable people.

Best of all, though, is the emotional narrative. By building the time loop into the core of the story, the writers are able to ground events in personal experience rather than technobabble. Tyler and Burnham dancing together for the first time is sweet. Stamets and Burnham holding hands as the loop ends again is touching. But Burnham’s moment of self-knowledge, and how she uses it to speed up her reactions in the next loop is what really gets you. Personal, heroic, painfully honest, and one of the moments in the first season where the character really clicked—topped off with some witty, poignant musical cues that riff on the show’s theme—this episode is a real winner.

 

Cloak & Dagger

Season 1, Episode 7: “The Lotus Eaters” (Written by Joe Pokaski & Peter Calloway)

Tandy discovers that Ivan Hess, a colleague of her father’s, survived the rig explosion but is in a coma. With Ty’s help, she gets through to him and they both find themselves stuck in Hess’ mind, endlessly repeating the final seconds before the rig blew up…

Cloak & Dagger’s first year ranks among the best television that Marvel have produced to date, and this is its finest hour by a good distance. Like “Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad,” it accomplishes this by structuring the episode around the time loop and using it to do as many different things as possible. That includes moving Tandy’s main plot arc along, giving her a handy training montage, forcing her to confront her feelings about her father, and reinforcing to both Tandy and Ty that they work best as a team. At the same time, it sets up some of the bittersweet and flat-out horrific elements of the next couple of episodes, as we see Tandy watch the Hess family reunite in the exact way her own family can never do.

Best of all, this actually feels like a story about a pair of superheroes learning who and what they are. Ty’s arc gets short shrift after the last couple of episodes but that ties cleverly into the compromise they both have to make in order to work together, and neatly sets up his arc-heavy episodes to come. Plus the episode cleverly cements Ty’s role as the moral compass of the pair, and his decision to go back into Ivan’s mind when Tandy refuses to leave is a vital part of his heroic journey.

For her part, this is Tandy’s finest hour. She channels her need for vengeance into a desire to help someone caught in almost exactly the situation that’s broken her. She does so altruistically, and accepts that what Mina and her father have will forever be denied to her. What she doesn’t see, and can’t know, is that the idealised version of her father she still clings to is the furthest possible thing from the truth. So, just as Ty continues to rise, Tandy crests and begins to fall. It’s complicated and nuanced emotional storytelling, and much like Discovery’s time loop narrative, it sets the tone for the show’s future. And just for the record, anything which gives Tim Kang (who plays Ivan Hess) a chance to show off just how damn good he is?—that’s fine with me.

 

Legends of Tomorrow

Season 3, Episode 11: “Here I Go Again” (Ray Utarnachitt & Morgan Faust)

The team come back from a mission in the ‘70s to find two things: that Zari’s experimentation may have broken the ship. And…well…time. Even more so than they already have.

Legends of Tomorrow’s third season is immensely good fun. Whether it’s Neal McDonough fighting himself, the world’s most meta John Noble joke, or an ending that is so, SO stupid that it actually comes out the other side into brilliant, the show had a great third year.

This was the best episode of the season for me, because, like the two stories mentioned above, it uses the central mechanism of the time loop as a storytelling engine rather than a destination. Over the course of the episode, not only does Zari slowly realise that her team are much more complicated people than she thought, but the real focus becomes her acceptance of her place with them, even to the point of being willing to die for them. The Legends are history’s greatest underdogs at the best of times, but seeing them as people, not punchlines—as we do in “Here I Go Again”—makes them something more: it makes them truly inspiring. Mick in particular, who is revealed here to be a surprisingly good novelist, gets some welcome character development. He growls a bit about it (because he’s Mick), but it’s still sweetly handled, touching stuff.

Perhaps the strongest aspect of this episode is how it digs into the cost and stakes of this situation. The sheer weight of knowing how long they have left to live and being unable to do anything about it almost breaks Zari. Tala Ashe, whose fantastic deadpan comic timing shines throughout the season, is just as good when facing the grim side of things, and her performance makes us feel the weight of the hours she’s lived. But she’s also able to show us the impish side of Zari, thanks to Nate. Nate and Ray, who brilliantly know exactly what’s going on pretty much the second she tells them, give the show the winking, meta-fictional foundation it needs (See Nate’s “It was only a matter of time before we did one of these!”). It’s in capturing the more earnest, human side of the situation, however, where all three shine, representing the show at its best: Ray with his puppyish enthusiasm, Zari with her sense of humour, and Nate with his fundamental decency and compassion. The result is funny, sweet, and immensely weird, as only the Legends can be.

 

Time loop episodes are too often viewed as just an exercise in box-ticking, or a fun gimmick with little consequence in terms of plot development. But, as these three episodes show, when done well, a time loop structure can function as a lens that changes how viewers see the show. Just as the characters gain a new perspective on their lives, so do we. The overall effect is less like a loop and more like a slingshot, catapulting viewer and show alike into a different, more nuanced and interesting orbit.

And of course, on occasion, wormhole golf sometimes happens, and that’s always a good thing.

Alasdair Stuart is a freelancer writer, RPG writer and podcaster. He owns Escape Artists, who publish the short fiction podcasts Escape PodPseudopodPodcastleCast of Wonders, and the magazine Mothership Zeta. He blogs enthusiastically about pop culture, cooking and exercise at Alasdairstuart.com, and tweets @AlasdairStuart.

Subversive Victoriana: The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter by Theodora Goss

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If you recall my last entry for TBR Stack, I found Artemis to be a fun read; while Andy Weir’s stated aim is to write exciting SF, not make a political statement, part of the fun for me was investing in Jazz Beshara’s financial troubles. In Theodora Goss’ The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter, the politics are much more apparent—this is a feminist retelling of Victoriana, after all. But it’s also an examination of class, mobility, propriety, and finances, and how they echo through women’s lives, and constrain them.

In short, this book is about opportunity, and its specific relationship to women’s bodies.

Miss Mary Jekyll is the daughter of the esteemed Dr. Henry Jekyll, who died when she was only eight years old. Her mother, always a fragile woman, gradually descended into madness after her husband’s death, raving about a horrible face appearing in her window. The book opens on Mrs. Jekyll’s funeral, as Mary buries her mother in the English rain, and faces the cold reality that she is now destitute—“quite ruined” as her young housemaid would have it. Mrs. Jekyll’s father had enough money to provide for her as long as she lived after her husband’s death, but there is no inheritance that can pass to a daughter. As a young upper-middle-class lady, Mary has never been trained for work, and as the main caretaker for her mother she hasn’t cultivated the attentions of young men who might swoop in and marry her (though to be honest, she isn’t even sure if she wants that) so all that remains is for her to let her staff go with their two weeks’ severance, and start selling off the furniture.

But wait, isn’t this supposed to be a fun, subversive take on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Aren’t Sherlock Holmes and Jack the Ripper in this thing?

Yes, yes, and yes—but the particular way Goss chooses to subvert her Victorian story is to grapple with the reality of women’s lives in 1890’s London. It’s fun as hell, but every moment in the book is also weighted with reality.

The plot kicks into gear when Mary meets with her mother’s solicitor, who ends their meeting by saying, unprompted: “young ladies in your situation often find it a relief to place their affairs in the hands of those who are more worldly, more wise in such matters. In short, Miss Jekyll, since you have recently come of age, you may choose to marry. A young lady of your personal attractions would certainly prove acceptable to a man who is not particular about his wife’s fortune.” After Mary politely ignores this apparent marriage proposal, she discovers that her mother paid a monthly sum to an organization for fallen women for the care of “Hyde.” Naturally she heads out to investigate, finds the young, very angry Miss Diana Hyde, and begins to pick up the threads of a mysterious “Société des Alchimistes.” She also collects a motley group of women: in addition to the incorrigible Diana she meets Beatrice Rappaccini, the “poisonous girl” of Hawthorne’s story “Rappaccini’s Daughter,” Catherine Moreau, who escaped her father’s island with her puma teeth intact, and a body riddled with vivisection scars, and Justine Frankenstein, who is more interested in debating Goethe and Kant than in being the Bride of any monster.

The group uses each of their special skills to investigate the Société, which leads them to the enigmatic Mr. Sherlock Holmes, who in turn leads them to the Whitechapel murders. This allows Goss to look at intersections of class and gender, as upper-class Mary goes to Whitechapel for the first time and has to confront poverty and prostitution she had only heard about in the newspaper before. Mary joins a trio of men, Holmes, Watson, and Lestrade, who take on the investigation of their deaths, repeatedly brushing off the contributions of the group of women who are trying to help.

As the case goes on, and Holmes in particular gains more respect for the women, Goss makes a point of checking in on the group’s finances, on how many meals Mary is skipping, on how much, conversely, Diana eats. Mary’s fretting about finances is a constant hum in the background, as she has to plan how to keep feeding and dressing the growing group. They all have to look like respectable women in public, which means day dresses, boots, gloves—all things that will start adding up. Her housekeeper, Mrs. Poole, insists on staying despite the uncertain pay, and becomes an interesting counterpoint to the long-suffering Mrs. Hudson as the women all appreciate her homemaking, and invite her to participate more actively in the case as it unfolds.

Daring escapes, last-minute rescues, and tense investigations are balanced against reality. Diana Hyde would much rather live life as one of Mr. Holmes’ Baker Street Irregulars than squish herself into a dress and go to church like a proper young lady. Beatrice, experimented upon by her father, is bound to a quack doctor who parades her around from stage to stage and keeps all of her profits. Miss Moreau and Miss Frankenstein have found steady work in a traveling circus, but Miss Moreau can only earn her tips if she’ll allow strange men to scratch her behind the ears, and Miss Frankenstein can only refer to Victor Frankenstein as father, despite what he did by bringing her back from the dead, and she tries not to talk about the months she was forced to live as the Creature’s wife.

Goss makes a particularly captivating choice by breaking the fourth wall. Catherine Moreau is the one writing the story, piecing it together in between deadlines for her series of adventure novels. But the other women, including Mrs. Poole, interrupt, edit, argue, point out details she’s missed, and call out moments she’s romanticized. Along the way she explains some of the genre tropes she’s using, and points out some she’s decided to throw out the window. This not only serves as a great worldbuilding device, as we’re seeing the creation of an origin story from events that, in the book’s reality, really happened, but it also gives us an immediate sense of the women’s camaraderie before we’ve even met all of them.

It was still raining when Mary emerged from the solicitor’s office. She walked back through the crowded city streets, carrying the portfolio under her arm so it, at least, would not get wet. By the time she reached home, she was tired, wet, and grateful that Mrs. Poole had already laid a fire in the parlor.

BEATRICE: Oh, your London rain! When I first came to London, I thought, I shall never see the sun again. It was so cold, and wet, and dismal! I missed Padua.

DIANA: If you don’t like it here, you can go back there. No one’s stopping you!

CATHERINE: Please keep your comments relevant to the story. And it is not my London rain. I dislike it as much as Beatrice.

Mary changed out of her black bombazine into an old day dress, put on a pair of slippers, and wrapped a shawl that had belonged to her mother around her shoulders. She lit the fire with a match from the box on the mantelpiece.

Again and again, Goss focuses on “small” moments like wardrobe choices and teatimes to show that real life is flowing in and around the adventure. The women may be monsters investigating murder, but they still have to dress appropriately to walk down a London street, and unlike their male colleagues, they can’t simply throw on a pair of pants, a shirt, and a bowler. Ladies’ dress requires constrictive corsets, chemises, petticoats, delicate buttons, high-heeled boots, hats, and gloves. These garments take time—the game may be afoot, but you still have to get your corset laced. And as to the matter of food, if Diana Hyde doesn’t get her tea, she’s going to be a grumpy and disagreeable pubescent detective. Like the constant thrum of Mary’s bank balance, this focus on everyday matters becomes a motif in the book, creating a sense of reality that does a giant amount of worldbuilding in only a few words.

What the book is really “about” is the exploitation of women. Mary’s solicitor tries to use her new poverty to manipulate her into marriage. The Magdalen society exploits “fallen” women for cheap labor. The fallen women are exploited by their johns. The Société des Alchimistes exploits young women’s bodies, debate the malleability of young women’s minds, and actively hope for daughters to experiment upon—all of which only makes sense in a society that doesn’t care about women. They know that they can do their nefarious work undisturbed. The Whitechapel murderer relies on this same indifference, and uses the women he kills for their body parts knowing that no one will be too fussed about a few dead prostitutes. Frankenstein’s Creature seems to enjoy talking philosophy with Justine, but he regards these conversations as quid pro quo for her housework and the use of her body. Beatrice, Catherine, and Justine are all exploited as cheap entertainment by a quack doctor and Lorenzo’s Circus of Marvels and Delights, respectively—and while the Circus at least pays a decent wage, one can assume the two women don’t make as much as their boss.

As the action returns again and again to Whitechapel, we hear the same tragedy repeated: poor girl is left destitute by the death of her shiftless dad/a governess is fired by Mother after Father gives her one too many appraising looks/a chambermaid is knocked up by the eldest son and thrown out onto the street—woman after woman, whatever the details of their tragedy, they’re working on the street, “ruined,” used by men and further scorned by women who are desperate to hold on to their own tenuous status.

Goss is gradually building to a fantastic point: these women are all just parts. The sex workers, bought and sold so men could use one or two particular parts without being concerned about the rest, are instead dissected and doled out among the Societe. This is only slightly more brutal than the way Justine and Catherine are used for their parts to try to “advance science.” Beatrice is valued for her poisonous breath, but she isn’t permitted to speak onstage. You would think upper-class Mary could escape it, but as soon as she’s rendered poor she, too, is only valued for her looks, which are apparently attractive enough for her mother’s lawyer to hit on her days after the funeral. You would think Diana could escape it, being a young girl, but as long as she’s imprisoned at the Magdalen Society she’s treated just as harshly as all the other “fallen” women.

Another motif of course is the women’s mothers—or rather their absence. Victor Frankenstein and Moreau cut out the middle mom by creating Justine and Catherine from spare parts. Beatrice’s mother dies in childbirth (just like the mother of Mary Shelley, who is name-checked repeatedly) and Diana’s mother dies before her daughter reaches puberty. Mary’s mother is driven mad by her husband’s transformation… and it becomes more and more apparent that Hyde was the one who finally caused her death.

Each of the women start out under the shadow of a famous father. While Mary wasn’t tortured like a few of the others, her father had many Hyde-based secrets that put her life into a tailspin. Did Giacomo Rappacini truly love Beatrice, or was she simply an experiment that happened to work? Did Moreau ever intend to regard Catherine as a true human equal, or did he see a monster when he looked at her? Only Diana and Justine have more positive feelings—Diana never met Hyde, and so has no idea if she likes him or not, and Justine lived a fairly idyllic life with Victor Frankenstein before his Creature showed up and ruined it all. But always, always, the women know that none of them were given a choice. Dr. Rappacini didn’t ask Beatrice if she wanted to be poisonous. Victor didn’t get his servant’s permission before bringing her back from the dead. And so the book also becomes a female-centric bildungsroman of each woman finding her own talents, and creating her own future, partially by rejecting her dad, and partially by embracing a found family of women.

Above all what I loved about The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter was Goss’s dedication to asking hard questions of the Victorian tales many of us grew up loving, while also giving us an original cast of characters that are as compelling and fun as their famous fathers.

Leah Schnelbach knows that as soon as this TBR Stack is defeated, another shall rise in its place. Come celebrate monsters with her on Twitter!

The Inexorable Strangeness of Robert Aickman’s Compulsory Games

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For far too long, Robert Aickman has resided in a bookish limbo. He’s not quite gone—small presses have kept his work available for readers with daring taste and deep pockets—and he’s certainly not forgotten—writers like Peter Straub and Neil Gaiman never fail to name him when asked favorite authors—but he’s not quite here either. Like his stories, which aren’t quite fantasy and aren’t quite ghost stories, and like his characters, frequently caught between the everyday and the impossible, Aickman has seemed stuck between here and there. New York Review of Books Classics has just published a new Aickman volume, Compulsory Games. At long last, American readers have easy access to one of the world’s great purveyors of the uncanny, the unknown, and the uncomfortable.

Although he wrote at least one novel, The Late Breakfasters, and one novella, The Model, the majority of Robert Aickman’s published fictio­­n—there are rumors of completed books awaiting editing, and some stories first appeared thirty years after their author’s death—are short stories. Not for Aickman the story cycle or the recurring character: although there are types of protagonists he favors, each story stands alone and inscrutable. Even on the rare occasions that the supernatural force in an Aickman story adheres to genre rules—oh, that’s a vampire!—the familiarity never becomes conventionality.

Even were the plots classic and his characters standard, Compulsory Games would remain a joy for the sheer pleasure of its author’s voice. Aickman’s prose has a mid-century suppleness; both quotidian routine and bewildering exceptions proceed in the same elegant, measured voice. Though Aickman may elide some details, we’re rarely in doubt as to what is seen and what is done. An event’s meaning almost always remains shrouded; the fact of the event does not. If Aickman plays games with his readers and with his characters, the play is as compelling as the rules are obscure. The denouement of “Wood,” for example, features a horrendous transformation, a mysterious wooden house that also seems to be a machine, and a mysterious rhyming poem. Like a dream, it makes emotional sense, but not conventional sense; like a nightmare, it leaves you sweating and unsettled.

There’s a certain wickedness even in Aickman’s very titles. What sort of game, after all, is “compulsory?” The sibilant ‘s’ of “compulsory” snaps like a headmaster’s rod on bare flesh; Aickman’s stories evince a very British perversity, discreet, detached, and wry. Here, for example, is one story’s ending:

“as to what had happened to her, the pathologist ultimately declined to make a declaration. The press thought it might have been rats, and it was mainly that hypothesis which caused the scandal, such as it was. “

The rats make me shudder; the “such as it was” makes me chuckle.

For years, most of Aickman’s stories were either out-of-print and difficult to find or else available only in expensive small press editions. Faber & Faber re-released several Aickman collections (Dark Entries, Cold Hand in Mine, The Unsettled Dust, and The Wine-Dark Sea) in the UK a few years ago. After an unconscionably long delay, these paperbacks have begun showing up in American bookstores. Americans lucky enough to own the Faber titles can purchase Compulsory Games with confidence, as it only includes stories not available in those selections. I’m of two minds about the assortment of stories featured in Compulsory Games. On one hand, I appreciate that the book isn’t redundant to readers of the Faber collections and that it makes available some of the less-reprinted stories from Tales of Love and Death and Intrusions. On the other, it’s a little vexing to read praise for stories like “The Trains” in editor Victoria Nelson’s introduction, then to flip to the Table of Contents and realize that it’s not included.

Nelson’s introduction, like her selection of stories, left me ambivalent. She’s a keen analyst on the “outrageous left turns” that so frequently bedevil Aickman’s characters, and Nelson’s endorsement of Aickman makes a few unexpected swerves that left this reader not so much uneasy as annoyed. Nelson is very good indeed on Aickman’s techniques, on his unexpected details and uncomfortable developments, on his personal obsessions and romantic entanglements, on his dull men and his fascinating women. Would that the introduction were half as long as it is, however, since in the second half a certain snobbery and defensiveness manifest. Nelson seems appalled that Aickman has, thus far, been “celebrated almost exclusively in the fantasy fandom world.” All this in a book with a prominent back cover blurb from Neil Gaiman! Similarly, she dings the four recent Faber reissues of Aickman for bearing “gentle children’s fantasy covers,” without pausing to reflect on what Aickman’s publication by Faber, one of Britain’s foremost literary publishers, might indicated about his changed reputation. And the New York Review of Books’ publishing of Compulsory Games more or less assures that this book, at least, will be shelved in Literature wherever books are sold.

Despite my very slight reservations about the selection and the introduction, Compulsory Games should rank as a compulsory purchase for all lovers of the strange, the beautiful and the baffling. Aickman is a master, and it is a rare and undiscerning reader who, having once read one of his tales, will not want to read all of them. The narrator of one story, ostensibly the author himself, notes “strangeness usually takes an unexpected form, it is no good looking for something strange.” I must humbly disagree: anyone looking for the strange, or for the marvelous, should go to the bookstore immediately.

Compulsory Games is available from New York Review Books.

Matt Keeley reads too much and watches too many movies; he is helped in the former by his day job in the publishing industry. You can find him on Twitter at @mattkeeley.

The Black God’s Drums Sweepstakes!

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The Black God's Drums by P. Djeli Clark

We want to send you a galley copy of P. Djèlí Clark’s The Black God’s Drums, available August 21st from Tor.com Publishing!

In an alternate New Orleans caught in the tangle of the American Civil War, the wall-scaling girl named Creeper yearns to escape the streets for the air—in particular, by earning a spot on-board the airship Midnight Robber. Creeper plans to earn Captain Ann-Marie’s trust with information she discovers about a Haitian scientist and a mysterious weapon he calls The Black God’s Drums.

But Creeper also has a secret herself: Oya, the African orisha of the wind and storms, speaks inside her head, and may have her own ulterior motivations.

Soon, Creeper, Oya, and the crew of the Midnight Robber are pulled into a perilous mission aimed to stop the Black God’s Drums from being unleashed and wiping out the entirety of New Orleans.

Comment in the post to enter!

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A purchase does not improve your chances of winning. Sweepstakes open to legal residents of 50 United States and D.C., and Canada (excluding Quebec). To enter, comment on this post beginning at 2:30 PM Eastern Time (ET) on August 8th. Sweepstakes ends at 12:00 PM ET on August 12th. Void outside the United States and Canada and where prohibited by law. Please see full details and official rules here. Sponsor: Tor.com, 175 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10010.

Fungi From Bob’s Discount Beer: Stephen King’s “Gray Matter”

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Welcome back to the Lovecraft reread, in which two modern Mythos writers get girl cooties all over old Howard’s sandbox, from those who inspired him to those who were inspired in turn.

This week, we’re reading Stephen King’s “Gray Matter,” first published in the October 1973 issue of Cavalier and later collected in Night Shift. Spoilers ahead.

“Can you feature that? The kid all by himself in that apartment with his dad turning into… well, into something… an’ heating his beer and then having to listen to him—it—drinking it with awful thick slurping sounds, the way an old man eats his chowder: Can you imagine it?”

Summary

In a sleepy town near Bangor, Maine, Henry’s Nite-Owl is the only 24-hour store around. It mostly sells beer to the college students and gives old codgers like our narrator a place to “get together and talk about who’s died lately and how the world’s going to hell.” This particular evening, four codgers plus Henry have gathered to watch a nor’easter “socking drifts across [the road] that looked like the backbone on a dinosaur.”

Out of the storm comes a boy who looks like he’s just escaped that dinosaur’s maw, or stared into the mouth of the hell the world’s becoming. Timmy, Richie Grenadine’s son, is a fixture at Henry’s—since Richie got himself retired from the sawmill on worker’s comp, he’s sent the kid to pick up his nightly case of whatever beer’s cheapest. Richie always was a pig about his beer.

Timmy begs Henry to bring his father the case. Henry takes the terrified boy into the storeroom for a private talk, then returns to shepherd red-eyed Timmy upstairs to his wife and a decent feeding. He asks narrator and Bertie Connors to come along to Richie’s house, but won’t say anything about what spooked Timmy so much. Not just yet. It’d sound crazy. He’ll show them something, though: the dollar bills Richie gave his son for beer. They’re tainted with foul-smelling gray slime, like “scum on top of bad preserves.”

Henry, Bertie and narrator bundle up and head out into the storm with the beer. They travel on foot—no use trying to get a car up the hill to Richie’s apartment house in a foot of unplowed snow. The slow going gives Henry time to show his companions the .45-caliber pistol he’s packing, and to explain why he’s afraid it may be necessary.

Timmy’s sure it was the beer—that one bad can among all the hundreds his dad chugged night after night. He remembered how his dad said it was the worst thing he ever tasted. The can smelled like something had died in it, and there’d been some gray slime on the rim. Narrator remembers someone telling him all it takes is a tiny puncture you’d never notice for bacteria to get in a beer can, and some bugs, you know, think beer is fine food.

Anyhow, Richie started acting weird. He stopped leaving the apartment. He sat in the dark, wouldn’t let Timmy turn on any lights. He even nailed blankets over the windows and broke the light fixture in the hall. A smell like spoiled old cheese hung over the place and grew steadily ranker. One night Richie told Timmy to turn on a light, and there he sat all covered in a blanket. He shoved out one hand, only it wasn’t a hand but a gray lump. He didn’t know what was happening to him, he said, but it felt… kinda nice. And when Timmy said he’d call their doctor, Richie shook all over and revealed his face—a still-recognizable mash buried in gray jelly, and Richie’s clothes sticking in and out of his skin, liking they were melting to his body.

If Timmy dared call the doctor, Richie would touch him, and then he’d end up just like Richie.

The trio mount Curve Street to Richie’s house, a monstrous Victorian now reduced to shabby apartments. Richie lives on the third floor. Before they enter, narrator asks for the end of Timmy’s story. Simple and terrible enough: Timmy got out of school early for the blizzard and arrived home to discover what Richie did while he was gone. Which was to crawl around, a gray lump trailing gray slime, prying boards from the wall to extract a well-putrified cat. For lunch.

After that, can they go on? Got to, Henry says. They have Richie’s beer.

The stench swells to gut-roiling intensity as they climb the stairs. In the third floor hall, puddles of gray slime seem to have eaten away the carpet. Henry doesn’t hesitate. Pistol drawn, he bangs on Richie’s door until an inhumanly low and bubbly voice answers, until squishing like a man walking through mud approaches. Richie demands his beer be pushed inside, tabs pulled—he can’t do it for himself. Sadly Henry asks, “It’s not just dead cats anymore, is it?,” and narrator realizes Henry is thinking of people who’ve gone missing from town lately, all after dark.

Tired of waiting for his beer, Richie bursts through the door, “a huge wave of jelly, jelly that looked like a man.” Narrator and Bertie flee out into the snow while Henry fires, all the way back to the Nite-Owl. In the space of a couple seconds, narrator has seen flat yellow eyes, four of them, with a white line between them and down the center of the thing, with pulsing pink flesh between.

The thing is dividing, he realizes. Dividing in two. From there into four. Eight. Sixteen —

No matter how the codgers who stayed behind at the store besiege them with questions, narrator and Bertie say nothing. They sit cozied up to plenty of beer and wait to see which one is going to walk in out of the storm, Henry or—

Narrator has multiplied up to 32,768 x 2 = the end of the human race. Still waiting. He hopes it’s Henry walks in. He surely does.

What’s Cyclopean: Even before we get to the Gray Monster, the descriptions of the weather are pretty intense in their own right. Snowdrifts look “like the backbone on a dinosaur.” Wind whoops and yowls, and feels like a sawblade.

The Degenerate Dutch: Per the entry for our last King story, “King’s working class characters are prone to racism, sexism, and a general background buzz of other isms.” In this case, we’re spared some of this by virtue of the lack of any on-screen characters who aren’t white men, but between them they manage some mild ableism at “Blind Eddy,” and some serious ableism and fat-phobia around Richie’s retirement.

Mythos Making: Things that are scary: fungus, old houses, cannibalism. (Is it still cannibalism if the eater isn’t human any more?)

Libronomicon: Timmy has some trouble doing his homework in the dark.

Madness Takes Its Toll: There’s things in the corners of the world that would drive a man insane to look ‘em right in the face.

 

Ruthanna’s Commentary

Welcome back to Maine. It’s winter, better come into the bar where it’s warm. Settle down, listen to a story… maybe one a little more immediate than you were expecting. My favorite thing this week is how King plays with the Lovecraftian trope of the narrator telling you a story that he heard from a guy who heard it from the kid who experienced it—until it twists at the end into something happening directly to the narrator, and maybe, if things go very wrong, to the reader as well.

Beyond that, my reactions are, as usual with King, mixed. I love how closely he observes. I hate, sometimes, how closely he observes. I want to see the minute details of breath and body language as people react to the intrusion of the uncanny. I want the visceral sense of a rural blizzard, everyone huddled together against the vast force rising around them. I want the careful, quirky descriptions of individuals—until the moment where I’m tired of being in the head of one more small town white guy being judgy about everyone else’s imperfect bodies. It’s an exact and accurate depiction of a real way that real people think. It’s just not my favorite headspace to spend a story in, and it’s the headspace in which 90% of King stories take place. More vengeful teenage girls, please?

Yeah, let’s talk about the weather. I do love that blizzard. Actually, I’m pretty much a sucker for extreme weather atmospherics of any sort. One of my favorite old King stories that doesn’t involve vengeful outcast girls is “The Mist,” in which the titular precipitation covers a town (in rural Maine) and turns out to be full of weird extradimensional predators. Between that and Niven’s “For a Foggy Night,” I… probably should have developed a fog phobia, but in fact spent quite a lot of my teenage years wandering out into the stuff hoping to find a dimensional portal. There’s something inherently uncanny about this kind of weather, pathetic fallacy morphing into the natural assumption that weather bridges a boundary between the normal, predictable world and the supernatural one. Maybe I really am gothic at heart.

Back to the narrator, I rather like him in spite of myself. I’m not particularly a bar person, but a bar does make a good starting point for a small ensemble, the prototypical D&D party going to an Inn to meet a Man. And you have to somewhat appreciate a guy who’s willing to join the party, and go out into the snow after Things. Henry seems like a good party leader based on courage if not on common sense. After hearing the kid’s story, sure, he’s smart to take a pistol. You know what else would’ve been smart? A FLASHLIGHT THAT’S WHAT. A water pistol full of ice water. A flamethrower. Something vaguely related to the thing’s obvious dislikes, as opposed to a weapon intended to be used against entities with notable structural integrity.

I suppose that’s what you get, starting out in a bar. We sort of have a Cheers vs. The Picture in the House vibe going on. Probably a more even contest than anyone would prefer. Or not so even, since two thirds of the party ultimately turn and run as soon as the door opens, in true Lovecraftian fashion. Everyone wants to be a man of action, a Final Girl who stands and fights (and maybe wins), but at the end most would rather scamper and live to tell the half-glimpsed tale. Preferably back at the bar, where you’ve earned a lifetime of people buying your round. “Or whatever’s left” of that lifetime, as our narrator points out.

The ending is a gasp of apocalyptic horror, and a study in raising the stakes. For about ten seconds, until I consider: The thing can’t stand light or cold. And it’s snowing. The thing may be invulnerable to bullets, but it’s not going to get very far in a Maine winter. Whatever happened to Henry, you go back during daylight, and you cut the freaking gas lines and power to the house. Or knock out a window and borrow one of those horrible spotlights from your nearest construction crew. Dangerous confrontation, yes. Thirty-two-thousand, seven-hundred-and-sixty-apocalypse, probably not.

 

Anne’s Commentary

I love it when Stephen King lets us hang out with the Grand Old Codgers of Maine (honored members of the Fraternal Brotherhood of Grand Old Codgers of New England.) The unnamed narrator of “Gray Matter” is a prime example. The favored habitat of GOCs of ME (of GOCs, in general) is the general store or its equivalent: the diner, the coffee/donut shop, the corner bar or liquor store. Or, as here, the contemporary general store, the 24-hour convenience store. Like Lovecraft, an acknowledged influence, King has enjoyed inventing his own bedeviled towns and topography. I’m not sure if he means to set this story in any of his major creations. That Henry’s Nite-Owl is on “this side of Bangor” would rule out Jerusalem’s Lot and Castle Rock, I think, which are in the vicinity of Portland. [RE: That little side story about things that’ll drive you mad in the drains sounded an awful lot like It.] It could near Derry, which is itself either near Bangor or King’s own version of Bangor.

Needless to say, anything near Derry could harbor influences more than capable of contaminating beer, cheap or otherwise. Yes, college students of pretense. I don’t think you’re safe even if you stick to expensive imports or craft brews. Not purchased from purveyors of spirits within fifty miles of the Derry transdimensional epicenter, anyway. Just saying that spores from the Outer Spheres can travel across galaxies. What are a few townships to them? And is it not obvious that poor Richie Grenadine is suffering from an infestation by Larvae (or more correctly, a Larva) of the Outer Gods (specifically, of course, Azathoth, aka the Larvae-Spewer)? I mean, if you can’t see that, you need to retake Metaphysical Diagnostics 101.

There is room for the theory that Violet Carver of Seanan McGuire’s “Down, Deep Down, Below The Waves,” might have wondered whether Richie was a latent Deep One and dosed his beer with her Change-inducing elixir, only to discover that elixir plus cheap brewski produced shoggoth, not Deep One. Or maybe Richie was simply a latent shoggoth. That doesn’t seem unlikely from what we hear of him. Not that I wish to speak ill of the shoggothim by the comparison!

A nice contamination horror tale, but also a transformation tale, with the interesting twist of Richie kinda enjoying becoming a monster. Why not? His boring, gutted life is becoming one of growth, however fungal, and power beyond anything he ever flexed in the sawmill. Also, perhaps, the communion with untold others just like him, products of binary fission, Richies without end, amen, as long as there’s fermented nastiness enough to sustain them.

I guess I’m assuming Henry isn’t the one who walks back into the Nite-Owl. I guess he’d have walked in before narrator got into the thirty-thousands if he was still in any condition to walk. I guess narrator knows that, too.

Narrator himself is the best part of the story, with his GOC-typical habit of meandering off the straight and narrow plot-road into looping paths of reminiscence and more or less (generally more if you think about it) relevant anecdote. He follows in the noble tradition of Mark Twain’s Jim Blaine, whose infamous tale of the old ram never does get told what with all Jim’s superbly sericomic diversions into every other story he’s heard tell of in his long drunken life. However, King’s narrator doesn’t defuse suspense—he builds it, as when he interjects the story of the giant spider in the sewer between Richie pulling the blanket from his face and what Timmy saw when that face came in view. He doesn’t dilute theme or atmosphere—he intensifies them, again with the spider story (mind-wrecking things in the corners of the world) and the rotting dog story (connecting a wrenching emotional component with the physical hideousness of the stench in Richie’s house.)

To “Gray Matter’s” narrator, and to all the GOCs in King’s early masterpiece, ‘Salem’s Lot, and to his ultimate GOC, Jud Crandall of Pet Sematary, I raise a (very carefully presniffed) cold one! And more than happy to have Howard’s GOCs Ammi Pierce and Zadok Allen join us as well!

 

Next week, we dive back into the Miskatonic library stacks for Margaret Irwin’s “The Book.” You can find it in the Vandermeers’ The Weird anthology.

Ruthanna Emrys is the author of the Innsmouth Legacy series, including Winter Tide and Deep Roots. Her neo-Lovecraftian stories “The Litany of Earth” and “Those Who Watch” are available on Tor.com, along with the distinctly non-Lovecraftian “Seven Commentaries on an Imperfect Land” and “The Deepest Rift.” Ruthanna can frequently be found online on Twitter and Dreamwidth, and offline in a mysterious manor house with her large, chaotic household—mostly mammalian—outside Washington DC.

Anne M. Pillsworth’s short story “The Madonna of the Abattoir” appears on Tor.com. Her young adult Mythos novel, Summoned, is available from Tor Teen along with sequel Fathomless. She lives in Edgewood, a Victorian trolley car suburb of Providence, Rhode Island, uncomfortably near Joseph Curwen’s underground laboratory.


Oathbringer Reread: Chapter Thirty-Five

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Good morning everyone, and welcome back to the Oathbringer Reread! This week we’ll be following Sigzil as he goes over some important issues with Kaladin, and see the recruitment of new soldiers into Bridge Four begin.

Reminder: we’ll potentially be discussing spoilers for the ENTIRE NOVEL in each reread. In this chapter we don’t have any broader Cosmere discussion, but if you haven’t read ALL of Oathbringer, best to wait to join us until you’re done.

Chapter Recap

WHO: Sigzil
WHERE: Urithiru
WHEN: 1174.1.6.1 (Same day as the last chapter)

Sigzil awakes and makes his way through the chaos of Bridge Four breakfast in order to report in to Kaladin about a slew of issues—quarters for the married members of the bridgecrew, social reassignment forms, religions, and recruitment. They run into Lyn, who—after a brief misunderstanding—is invited to try out for the bridgecrew. Sigzil continues his conversation with Kaladin regarding even more important matters—chain of command, social structure, and wages. They arrive at their destination and check out the entire royal emerald reserve, which they’ll be using to practice their newfound Knights Radiant powers.

The Singing Storm

Title: First Into the Sky

“I don’t want to be huddled over a ledger when Bridge Four takes to the air. I want to be first into the sky.”

A: Well, that’s fairly obvious! They don’t actually get there this week, but they’re itching to go.

Heralds

L: For this chapter we’ve got the Joker and Kalak. I’d say it’s pretty obvious as to why the Joker is here—Sigzil was Hoid’s apprentice, after all. But Kalak (divine attributes Resolute and Builder, patron of Willshapers)? Alice, you have any theories?

A: Seems odd, doesn’t it? Shouldn’t it be Jezrien for the Windrunners? But my best guess is that Kalak represents what they’re doing with Bridge Four: building it into a new structure. Sigzil, with his excellent questions about the chain of command, morals, codes of conduct, etc., is setting about the task of building a new way of functioning for this team. They aren’t slaves and they aren’t guards; they’re something new to modern-day Roshar, and he’s doing his best to put it on a solid foundation.

Icon

Bridge 4 Uniform Shoulder Patch, denoting a chapter from the POV of someone in Bridge 4.

A: I was so excited to see our second new character icon for this book! Bridge Four has its own icon now, and it marks the beginning of the second novelette in Oathbringer. (The first is Venli’s story.) I know some people weren’t thrilled about how much time was spent on it, but I love every minute of the Bridge Four Story, and I’m delighted that they have their own sequence.

L: The Bridge Four sections were some of my favorite parts of the book! It’s just so nice to see things from a different perspective.

Epigraph

You think yourself so clever, but my eyes are not those of some petty noble, to be clouded by a false nose and some dirt on the cheeks.

L: Interestingly, Hoid does seem to prefer tricking the nobility, doesn’t he? The only exception I can think of right now is his appearance in the original Mistborn trilogy, when he was tricking the rebellion.

Stories & Songs

L: Let’s talk a little about the story that Sigzil tries—and fails—to tell, here. I’m not going to quote it because honestly he does such an awful job (poor thing) that it’ll probably be easier to just paraphrase. The third moon wants to escape the sky, so it tricks the queen of the Natan people into changing places with it—and this is why the Natan people have blue skin. Supposedly it was supposed to be about responsibility. Honestly, I’m just as clueless as Kal, here. Sigzil really, really isn’t a good storyteller.

A: Ain’t that the truth! He’s terrible. Mostly because he didn’t know what he wanted to say, I think, and chose the wrong story as well as telling the story badly. Fortunately, Hoid will tell the story properly when we get to Chapter 67. For now, I’m not even going to guess at how the story was supposed to fit the point he wanted to make. Poor thing.

Bruised & Broken

“You know what Teft has gotten into.”

L: Ah, our first glimpse into the firemoss addiction. Poor Teft. Chemical addiction is so, so hard to break—and I say this as (unfortunately) a cigarette smoker of about 15 years, which is probably one of the least addictive “drugs” out there. (I’m trying to quit, but like Teft, not having such an easy time of it.) We’ll obviously be getting more about Teft later, so I’ll leave it at that unless Alice wants to add anything in.

A: I just remember on the first read being baffled at the hints Sigzil was dropping here, and how much it hurt to find out what “the other thing” was. Teft was clearly having trouble fulfilling his responsibilities to Bridge Four, and that was worrying.

Squires & Sidekicks

He sucked in a breath at the pain, and his sphere winked out. What …

His skin started glowing, letting off a faint luminescent smoke. Oh, right. Kaladin was back.

A: I just had to point this out, because it was not only a clever way of reminding the reader that Kaladin is back, and these are his squires, the wording also made me laugh. “Oh, yeah. THAT.”

In that same section, it’s just sort of slipped in that the men with slave brands who can draw in Stormlight have all lost their brands, and they all keep their tattoos. Kaladin, of course, is just the opposite, having kept his brands but melted off the tattoo.

“Peet is now officially betrothed to the woman he’s been seeing.”

“Ka? That’s wonderful.”

L: These are tuckerizations of Peter Ahlstrom—Sanderson’s assistant—and his wife Karen.

“And then there’s the matter of Drehy…”

“What matter?”

“Well, he’s been courting a man, you see…”

Kaladin threw on his coat, chuckling. “I did know about that one. You only now noticed?”

L: I can’t tell you how happy Kaladin’s reaction here made me. This is clearly a complete non-issue for him. One of his men is gay? Cool by him. While it’s important to have literature that deals with the prejudice and violence that the LGBTQIA community has to endure, it’s also nice to see a society that just doesn’t care. Whoever you are, is who you are. Fantasy is, for many of us, an escape—so it’s nice to be able to escape to a place that accepts us for who we are. It seems as though this is a sentiment held by the Alethi in general—we’ll discuss a little bit about the Azir system lower down.

Anyway, this is all aside from the fact that Drehy is awesome. I hope that we see more of him in the next book!

A: It’s funny; only yesterday I was chatting with a friend who is reading Oathbringer for the first time, and he’d just read this chapter. He was puzzled as to why this was included, since, “It’s not like Sanderson to include character details that don’t directly affect the plot.” I couldn’t honestly tell him why, other than that he wanted book-Drehy to reflect real-life-Drehy, and a number of fans were clamoring for representation. I’m still ambivalent about how critical it is for an author to include “representation” (of whatever) if it’s not needed by the plot, but then I’m not the author, so my ambivalence is pretty irrelevant, eh?

L: I think it’s important to the character and the world-building if not the actual plot. We see a lot of social constructs that don’t directly tie into the story, like safe-hands and men not being able to read. Kaladin’s seasonal depression informs who he is as a person, but it doesn’t affect the plot too much (Note: his SEASONAL depression during the Weeping, not the overlying depression he suffers from in addition to that). I could go on… Renarin’s issues. Adolin’s obsession with fashion. So why not this, too?

Kaladin eyed Lyn as they walked. “You’re the one who has been helping my men, right? Lyn, was it?”

L: Well, I promised I would talk about this eventually, so here you go—skip this section if the circumstances behind my tuckerization don’t interest you.

For what it’s worth, I always feel a little self-conscious talking about this, because I know that it was due to an extremely lucky chain of occurrences, and just how many other people would kill to have such an opportunity. I can only say that I understand and wouldn’t blame anyone for being jealous or hating me for it—just know that in return, I have put in a TON of work behind the scenes beta-reading and hunting typos in a desire to repay that which was given to me. (In addition to giving Sanderson cookies every time he visits New England.)

So, story-time. Let’s hope I’m a better storyteller than Sig.

A: You are. Trust.

L: Years and years ago, I was gaining some weird stalkers on Reddit. I decided that it was time to change my username in order to avoid them—and I’d just read this storming fantastic book The Way of Kings. “Kaladin Stormblessed is a great name and I adore him,” I thought, and shockingly no one had taken it yet. So Kaladin_Stormblessed I became. Shortly thereafter, I was invited to be a moderator on the newly minted Stormlight Archive subreddit. Months later, in an AskReddit post, someone asked “If you could live in any fictional world, what would it be?” I replied Roshar: “maybe I could get a chance to fight alongside my namesake.” Imagine my surprise when Brandon REPLIED to my comment and said “I can make that happen for you.” Years later, he told me that someone had sent him a PM linking him to the comment (thank you, whoever you were). Sure enough, Lyn showed up in Words of Radiance—a very brief, blink-you’ll-miss-it mention during the final battle in the end. I was overjoyed. Thrilled. Ecstatic. I got to talk to Shallan. Not really, I know. But I didn’t come down off that high for a long time. I actually got the glyph for Bridge Four tattooed on my upper arm to commemorate this (as well as for other reasons).

I’d assumed that that was it, and I was perfectly happy for it to be so. But then we got the beta for Oathbringer. I am not ashamed to admit that I cried (a lot) when I read how awesome Lyn was in here.

A: And you should have seen the cheering and “shouting” in the beta inputs when Lyn became more a part of Bridge Four! Not to take away from her personal joy in any way, but there is a certain feeling that Lyn is “ours” and it was delightful to watch her character grow. I can only speak for myself, really, but in a way I feel like Lyn is Lyn, and Lyn is also all of the readers. As “one of us,” she … she is us.

L: That makes me feel a little less self-conscious, actually. Someone in the comments on a previous chapter’s reread asked me if Sanderson had used my actual “IRL” personality traits or just my name/appearance, and to be honest? I don’t know. I can tell you that I think he knows me well enough by now to know the type of person I am, and Lyn is very much like me. I’ve always been more at home with “the guys” and would much rather be out fighting with a sword (or a spear) than doing other, more feminine things. I work construction. I swear (a lot). When I read Lyn, I do see myself. Is this just because she so neatly fits the tomboy archetype, and—let’s face it—that’s also me? Or did Sanderson do it on purpose? The only real answer I have is that I thanked him at a signing for “giving me the chance to smash the Rosharan patriarchy” and he smiled and said “I thought you’d like that.”

I’m so thankful to be able to fight with Kaladin and the rest of Bridge Four, and to literally be a part of this great work that I love so much. If he decided to kill Lyn off I’d be completely fine with that (though I would be sad, because I love how she challenges traditional Alethi gender roles). But Stormlight has changed my life for the better, as it has for so many others, and to be a part of that? There’s no feeling in the world like it. I’ll owe Sanderson for it until the day I die.

Okay. I’m done. (Gentle reminder that I am also an epic fantasy writer and hence typing out novels worth of text like this is pretty much a daily occurrence…)

Moash had been the closest to Kaladin, but he wasn’t in Bridge Four any longer. Kaladin hadn’t said what Moash had done, only that he had “removed himself from our fellowship.”

L: Obligatory f*** Moash. (Yes, I’m going to do it every time, and you can’t stop me.)

A: I hated Moash before it was cool. #noredemption (And yes, I do have that on a t-shirt, thank you very much.)

Flora & Fauna

It had come again, a third time, this event proving that that it was even more regular than the highstorms. Right around every nine days.

L: In Ross’s Highstorm article, he theorizes that the Highstorm needs to return to the Origin to recharge before sweeping across Roshar again. However, the Everstorm appears to have a specific constant speed that never varies. Meteorologically and scientifically, this is pretty fascinating. Most storms lose energy as they progress—as that energy is transferred to other things (trees, water, etc…). Is there something going on in the atmosphere that’s keeping the Everstorm so constant, or is it simply due to the magical nature of the storm? What fuels it?

A: That’s a question … and I fear the answer. Whatever fuels it, it’s not good. I mean, the obvious answer is “Odium”—but I think there’s a little more to the “mechanism” that could be frightening. Or I could just be a sucker for symbolism.

Places & Peoples

They wouldn’t last a day in Azir, where queuing in an orderly way wasn’t only expected, it was practically a mark of national pride.

L: Reminds me of similar jokes about the UK.

A: Or Canada.

Everyone in Azir talked about how even the humblest man could become Prime, but the son of a laborer had so little time to study.

L: Does the current Prime prove this to be true, or not?

A: Heh. Well, the nephew of a thief, anyway. It’s a cute little reminder of how bad things had gotten in Azir since Sigzil left, though. When he was there, just becoming a government cleric involved a lot of study, and becoming Prime required eloquence and persuasive rhetoric. That was before a certain king got hold of a certain assassin. This last time, it was going to go to anyone they could pawn it off on—and then there was a miracle that justified choosing a thief. Go figure.

“Drehy hasn’t filled in the proper forms,” Sigzil said. “If he wants to court another man, he needs to apply for social reassignment, right?”

Kaladin rolled his eyes.

“Then how do you apply for social reassignment?”

“We don’t.”

L: I like that Azir is also apparently fine with homosexuality, provided the people fill out forms. If only it could be so easy to be accepted in our world. Oh, you’re gay? Okay, cool. Sign this piece of paper and no one will bother you about it again.

A: The drawback to the Azir situation is that they really do socially reassign you, as I understand it. You sign that paper, and you are now a woman and will be treated as a woman. Which is kind of bizarre, because what about lesbians? Do they “become men” when they’re reassigned? Or is just one half of each couple designated as the other sex? Or how does that work? Any way you look at it, it’s a little skeevy, and not quite as accepting as it looks on the surface.

Or maybe that’s non-canon, and he’ll clarify in the next book or something. Once can hope.

L: Hmm, yes. If we were talking about trans people that would make sense, but otherwise? Not so much. And what about people who are bi? Do they have to choose? I hope that it doesn’t work that way. We’ll just have to wait and see I guess!

“All right, then what’s our chain of command? Do we obey King Elhokar? Are we still his subjects? And what dahn or nahn are we in society? … Who pays the wages of Bridge Four? What about the other bridge crews? If there is a squabble over Dalinar’s lands in Alethkar, can he call you—and Bridge Four—up to fight for him, like a normal liege-vassal relationship? If not, then can we still expect him to pay us?”

L: I LOVE that Sanderson is willing to ask all these questions. I feel like these sorts of things are often overlooked in favor of “omg dragons and swords and cool stuff” in fantasy—and especially in epic fantasy. The little nitty-gritty, the logistics of how a society runs… all of this stuff is so important to the characters, and lends so much realism to Roshar.

A: This was brilliant, IMO. It’s not so much that I enjoy logistics, but I hate it when people pretend it doesn’t matter. It does matter—plus it’s such a perfect thing for our resident Azish dude to think about, and to insist that it get sorted out before it becomes an issue.

Tight Butts and Coconuts

“Say, do you know how to get two armed Herdazians to do what you want?”

“If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

L: Lopen… never change.

A: And Sigzil’s reply is gold.

Kaladin grunted. “The fun part of running an army.”

“Exactly.”

“That was sarcasm, Sig.”

L: I have to admit… as someone who enjoys organization, I get Sigzil here.

Weighty Words

“I’m tired of having these here, drawing everyone’s eyes and making me sweat like a spy with too many spren.”

L: This is a great expression. You’ve got to admit, being a spy in Roshar would be insanely difficult, unless there’s some sort of training you can undergo to repress your emotions and hence not draw the spren to you…

A: I always get a kick out of in-world idioms, and especially when they’ve been begging to happen. We’ve seen a handful of times already when spren are inconvenient—letting someone know you’re embarrassed or what have you. “A spy with too many spren” is so perfect. And yes, I’m betting there’s a certain amount of training you can do to control your emotions. I’ll bet Jasnah knows how.

L: If anyone does, it’d definitely be Jasnah!

Meaningful Motivations

“I don’t mind if you want to be something like our unit’s ardent,” Kaladin said. “The men like you, Sig, and they put a lot of stock in what you have to say. But you should try to understand what they want out of life, and respect that, rather than projecting onto them what you think they should want out of life.”

L: There are a lot of reasons I love Kaladin, but this right here? This made me love him a million times more.

A: Okay, I have to do this:

Kaladin watched her go, then grunted softly.

Sigzil—without even thinking about it—mumbled, “Did your master teach you to be that insensitive?”

Kaladin eyed him.

“I have a suggestion, sir,” Sigzil continued. “Try to understand what people want out of life, and respect that, rather than projecting onto them what you think they should—

“Shut it, Sig.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

BAHAHAHAHA! I so much adored Sigzil in that moment. Absolute perfection.

L: It is really funny to see him turn the tables on Kal here.

Quality Quotations

“Tryouts?” she said. “For real positions? Not just doing accounts? Storms, I’m in.”

A: Somewhere along the line, I remember someone saying they were surprised that Lyn accepted this so readily after Kal’s previous insulting offer and I have to say… for the chance to fly? To be a squire, and maybe someday a Radiant? I’d forgive a whole lot of unintentional insult for that opportunity!

L: Truth. Also, keep in mind that she’s talking to Kaladin Stormblessed. I’m willing to bet that most of the army reveres him. It’s pretty easy to forgive someone for a minor transgression when they’re your hero.

“Well, that wind blew past me years ago, sir.”

A: Just another nice idiom…

 

L: Next week, we’ll be going over two chapters—36 and 37, since 36 is rather short. As always, thank you for joining us (and putting up with my long-windedness). Please join us in the comments for more theorycrafting!

A: I’d like to take this opportunity to put in the “obligatory occasional reminder” PSA: we’re all here to discuss a book we love, but we all have differing viewpoints. Those differences are what make the discussion worth having, right? In that light, let’s all remember to neither give nor take personal offense at conflicting perspectives. This is a responsibility we all need to share to have a civil society, and it seems in short supply on much of social media. Let’s be better here, because y’all are friends and family!

L: Indeed. Just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean that they should be attacked for it. Remember Sig and Kal’s words in this very chapter and take them to heart, and let’s all respect one another. ::bridge four salute::

Alice is shocked at how quickly the summer is passing. Speaking of obligatory occasional reminders, how about that Storm Cellar group on Facebook?

Lyndsey is the 29th member of Bridge Four, not counting the honored fallen. If you’re an aspiring author, a cosplayer, or just like geeky content, follow her work on Facebook or her website.

For the First Time in 15 years, Star Trek Moves the Story Where No One Has Gone Before

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With the announcement that Sir Patrick Stewart will be reprising his signature role of Jean-Luc Picard for a planned Star Trek television series on the CBS AllAccess streaming service, speculation has run rampant about what that series could possibly be. Will he return to the Enterprise, or will the series be set planet-side? Will Picard join the admiralty, or will he be retired to his vineyard? Will he lead Star Fleet Academy—a series idea I’ve seen suggested for twenty years—or lead Picard’s 11, where Jean-Luc gets the gang back together to rob the heck out of the Ferengi?

There’s so much speculation because we know so little about the show at this point, just that Stewart is playing Picard and that it’s set 20 years after Nemesis. And yet, that’s enough to get me excited because it means the franchise is doing something it hasn’t done in 15 years: it’s moving the story forward.

Ever since Enterprise debuted in 2001, the franchise has focused on nostalgia and retellings. A prequel, a reboot (Star Trek 2009)*, and another prequel (Discovery). Creators were clearly trying to recapture the thrill of the original series: explorers seeking out new life and new civilizations under the threat of a galactic war.

But by nature of being prequels and reboots, very little of what they find is actually new. It’s just more Klingons and Romulans, Vulcans and Andorians, mirror universes and Khan. Oh, and Sarek, worst Dad in the universe. Additionally, retelling stories from the ’60s—even stories that were impressively progressive for the ’60s—means reviving some sexist, racist, and colonialist tropes that are well over fifty years old.

Nostalgia can be done well. Personally, I quite like nuTrek (Star Trek: Beyond is probably the second or third best Star Trek movie) and I’m coming around on Discovery. But for a franchise that’s about progress and the capital ‘F’ Future, saying that the history of space exploration ends the moment Data fires himself at an enemy ship, and all the interesting stories happen before that, is weirdly cautious and backward-looking. This new series, by necessity, must be truly new and take the franchise where it hasn’t gone before.

Yes, bringing back a fan favorite actor as a fan favorite character is a nostalgia play, but it also means the series must be in continuity with Star Trek: The Next Generation (unlike Discovery, which is ambiguous about whether it takes place in the William Shatner or Chris Pine timeline). And it must be about what happens next: after Picard saves the Romulan Empire from a coup; after the Dominion War reshapes Federation politics; after Voyager returns from the Delta Quadrant with a friendly Borg, a self-determined hologram, and technology from the far-far-far future.

One of the great pleasures of Next Gen is seeing how concepts introduced in the original series developed over time. Kirk and crew constantly grapple with Romulans, Klingons, omnipotent space assholes, and artificial intelligences. Now a Klingon and an android are bridge crew, but the Romulans and jerk gods are still problems. How great will it be to see ideas from Next Gen, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager moved further into the future?

Is there lasting peace with the Romulans or the Founders? Are Cardassians now accepted members of the Federation? If contact with other Quadrants in the galaxy is common, will Star Fleet explore new galaxies? Or new dimensions, like the Mirror-verse or wherever Species 8472 is from? Or new eras, where they have to enforce the Temporal Prime directive? Is there a burgeoning synthetics rights movement? Or eugenics rights for enhanced beings? Did they ever get around to solving that pesky Q problem?

Most importantly, the writers can introduce truly new, unexplored ideas and concepts and take the franchise places it couldn’t go before. Things I can’t predict or guess at because they are intentionally different. They can introduce new life and new civilizations, new technology, new phenomena, new problems, new solutions. Discovery introduces interdimensional fungi and giant tardigrades, but still has to explain why no one uses or even mentions such world-bending technology even a few years later. That won’t be an issue for the new series. The writers can also inject contemporary politics and issues into the new show, so that a series set four hundred years in the future can feel like it was written this year and not during the Johnson administration.

In the end, it almost doesn’t matter what the literal premise of the new show is. Picard could be living on his family farm or leading all of Star Fleet on a mission of cosmic importance or running a school for gifted students dealing with impossible sci-fi problems (that one sounds familiar, for some reason). But whatever he’ll be doing, he’ll be doing it in the future’s future’s future, a space we haven’t seen before, where surprise, change, and growth will be possible. The new series can and must do something that Star Trek hasn’t done in way too long: venture boldly into the unknown.

*yes, thanks to time-travel shenanigans, Star Trek 2009 takes place after Nemesis, but only for Spock Prime, not in any way that truly matters.

Steven Padnick is a freelance writer and editor. By day. You can find more of his writing and funny pictures at padnick.tumblr.com.

5 Books About Women Who Make A Fuss

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Growing up, I was not a good girl. Good girls follow the rules, listen to their mothers, don’t make a fuss. They are quiet, polite, proper, and well-behaved. I rarely managed to pull that off. Branded a bad girl, I was sent to my room, grounded, and even—once or twice—threatened with expulsion from my stolid, conservative high school. Which was fine with me. Because…

 

Bad girls ask questions.

Modesty Blaise
by Peter O’Donnell
(Series, 1965-1996)

In 1985, I was confined to bed for two weeks after some reasonably minor surgery. The TV set was a large, bulky box, and was in the living room. I am not a good patient. I get fidgety and am easily bored. So my friend Rebecca Kurland—one of the Sunday Night Poker players—came over to visit on the first Monday of my confinement. She brought me a book.

“There are eleven of these,” she said, laying it on my comforter. “I will bring you one a day, but no more. Not even if you beg.”

Not gonna be a problem, I thought, looking at the cheesy, sex-pot cover. It didn’t even remotely interest me. Sigh. I had only known Rebecca a few months.

“One per day,” she said again. “No matter what.”

I smiled gamely and nodded. We chatted for a few minutes, then she went home.

That afternoon, I discovered Modesty Blaise. I devoured the book. Totally smitten. I was on the phone to Rebecca by 7:30. “Please!” I said. “Just one more, now?”

“Tomorrow,” she said. “Around lunch time.” And then, because I suspect she just couldn’t resist, she said, “I told you so.”

By the time I had recuperated enough to be ambulatory again, I had read all eleven of the glorious adventures of Modesty Blaise and her sidekick/right-hand-man/best friend Willie Garvin. In the intervening 30-plus years, I have read them all again, many times over.

Modesty has many, many talents, and a criminal past. She’s an orphan who worked her way up to a life of understated elegance—with the occasional foray into espionage and violence. She has charm, wit, strength, endurance, skill—everything required of a kick-ass, feminist heroine. She puts Bond (and Bourne, and Batman) to shame. And she was created by a man, in the early 1960s. Go figure.

In my wallet, I carry a small, laminated card: Graduate of the Modesty Blaise School of Problem Solving. On the back, it says:

The bearer of this card is entitled to kick, punch, or shoot her way out of impossible situations, to have a fluent command of any foreign language necessary at the time, to know at least one influential person in every country, and to possess any other skills or knowledge, no matter how esoteric, as needed, except: singing, writing letters, dealing with salesmen, socializing with fools, or growing plants.

 

Bad girls talk openly about subjects “nice people” shy away from.
Bad girls don’t care (much) what other people think about them.

Harriet the Spy
Written and illustrated by Louise Fitzhugh
1964

This is the most subversive book I have ever read. Possibly the most life-changing, and the most dangerous. It was published when I was in fourth grade, so I was a year and a bit younger than Harriet when I first read it. Like me, she was precocious and clever and wanted to be a writer. She had a treasured notebook. She documented life around her.

Within months, I had started keeping a dossier on my teacher, Miss Keller. (I pronounced the R in dossier; I was nine.) When she dropped a nuggets of personal fact into a conversation—the small town where she grew up, her brother’s name—I took notes. By sixth grade, my spy skills had widened to a sort of primitive spreadsheet documenting that teacher’s six outfits, which she alternated from day to day. (She found out. Things became tense).

Harriet did and was everything I wanted to be—except, of course, I didn’t want to get caught at any of it. She was intelligent, independent, feisty, not always nice or well-behaved. That was a revelation for me, at the time. She felt like a real kid, not a typical “library book” girl, who would have given up sleuthing when she discovered, by the last chapter, that sewing was much more fun!

Harriet the Spy was also my first introduction to social cruelty and betrayal. Telling the truth is not always the best idea. I had trouble parsing the moral ambiguity of that. It got easier with subsequent readings, and as I aged, but it remains one of the most cherished—yet disturbing—books in my library.

 

Bad girls are self-sufficient and independent.
Bad girls are not afraid to stand up for what they believe.

Point of Honour
Madeleine E. Robins
2002

Madeleine and I roomed together at Interaction, the Glasgow WorldCon in 2005. Afterwards we rented a car (my credit card, her other-side-of-the-road driving skills), and motored down to London. It was a two-day journey that took us through Yorkshire, and the Moors, and to Whitby, places that, as far as I was concerned, were fictional, and were from books that I had not read, even in high school, when I was supposed to.

I have zero knowledge of classic English literature, and Mad has lots, and adores it. I asked questions, she told fascinating stories, and it was one of the great road trips of all time. We finally managed to give back the car at Enterprise’s tiny, hidden office in a mews near Hyde Park—we had no GPS and the petrol was down to fumes—breathed a great sigh of relief, and became gloriously pedestrian for another three days. Mad was researching her next book, set in London 200 years earlier, and we explored nooks and crannies and history—and pubs—as she pointed out the early-19th-century bits that lurked below and betwixt and between the rest of the 21st-century world.

Then she flew back home to kids and family, and I stayed on by myself for another few days. I’d know Mad for a couple of years, and had read a few of her short stories, but not her novels. So she left me with a paperback edition of Point of Honour, the first in the series of adventures of one Miss Sarah Tolerance.

I did not think it would be my cup of tea, really. I’m very much a 20th-century reader, have never read Jane Austen or any of the other Regency writers. But there I was, in London, with a book about the very long-ago London that the author had just been giving me a lovely guided tour of. Serendipity. Simply magic.

The premise of the book is, it seems to me, to deny its opening statement:

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a fallen woman of good family must, sooner or later, descend to whoredom.

Miss Tolerance is a woman of a good family who fell in love and lost her virginity outside the sanctity of marriage and is therefore disgraced. But rather than become a whore, she becomes an agent of inquiry, an 1810 private eye. She is quick-witted, quite adept with a sword (or, if the occasion demands, a pistol), and dresses as a man when the laws of propriety and society hinder any forays she might make in the guise of her own gender. She rights wrongs, solves dilemmas, and when all has been settled, retires to her cottage for a meal and a refreshing cup of tea.

I’m still not wholly converted to the glories of Regency literature, but I do look forward to the continuing adventures of Miss Tolerance with great anticipation. (There are currently three books in the series, with a fourth still a WIP.)

 

Bad girls challenge the ordinary, the unexpected.

The Paying Guests
Sarah Waters
2014

A confession: I have not actually read this book. I listened to it as an audio book—all 21 hours and 28 minutes of it—the autumn after I hurt my back and had to spend many, many hours lying supine in a cool, darkened room.

(I have since read the print versions of several other Sarah Waters’s books, and am in awe of her talent and skill and mastery of prose. And story-telling.)

But I’m really glad that I listened to this one, because my American eye would not have caught the nuances of class difference in written dialogue nearly as well as the British narrator delivered those subtleties of speech and accent to my ears.

After WWI, Frances Wray and her mother find themselves with a large house, but reduced circumstances. They have let the servants go, one by one, and are finally forced to take in boarders—Len and Lillian Barber, a married couple. For the first part of the book, everyone is rather formal, then Lillian and Frances begin to teeter on the edge of a forbidden attraction. Eventually, they fall, dramatically, disastrously, irrevocably.

These two strong women defy their (very different) upbringings, cultural assumptions, gender roles, societal norms, and even laws in order to be together. The book turns from a novel-of-manners to a page-turning thriller in the space of a few chapters. I stayed up way past my bedtime to keep listening, the aural equivalent of “I couldn’t put it down.”

 

Bad girls dress themselves and live their lives in ways that mother would not approve of.
Bad girls have a sense of humor about themselves and the world.

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries
Kerry Greenwood
Series, 2005-present
(3 seasons on Netflix, 2012-15)

Ah, The Honorable Phryne Fisher. Terribly fashionable. Unmistakably glamourous. Handy with a pistol.

Another confession: I have only read one of the twenty books. But I have repeatedly binge-watched the 34 episodes of the TV series based on them over the last two years. Over and over and over.

I was at a house party with Rachel and Mike Swirsky, Na’amen Tilahun, and a few other people I’d just met that day. We were discussing guilty-pleasure TV, and Na’amen told me that I must watch Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. So when I got home, I did. Three episodes in one day, happy as a clam—until I discovered that Season Two would not be released in the US for another two months. I had to force myself to ration the remaining ten episodes—one every three or four days—so I wouldn’t go into premature withdrawal.

It is a visually stunning show. Still, if you know me, you know that I am so not into fashion, or clothes, or shoes, and the 1920s is a bit early for my historical-recreation tastes. Nor do I have a fascination with Melbourne (Australia) and its checkered past.

But.

I adore Phryne Fisher. For her snark, mostly. Born in poverty, she enlisted as a nurse in the Great War, and when it turned out that none of her very upper-class male relatives had survived the conflict, she inherited a title and a boatload of money. Her best friend is a dapper, Sapphic doctor at a woman’s hospital. Phryne is rich, beautiful, smart, irreverent , does not suffer fools, and takes no prisoners. She does take lovers, as often as she chooses, owns a gold-plated revolver, speaks a smattering of several languages, and can hold her own in a fight, even if it means getting blood on her cloche.

After the war, she re-invented herself as a Lady Detective, consulting with the local police, whether or not they want her to. She wears trousers as often as she wears the latest gowns, carries a dagger in her diamante garter, can pick locks and mix martinis. She is sensible, impetuous, intuitive, competent, generous, and kind.

 

Phryne, Lillian and Frances, Miss Tolerance, Harriet, and Modesty.

Bad girls dance where they want to.

Originally published in May 2017.

Ellen Klages is the acclaimed author of the Scott O’Dell Award-winner The Green Glass Sea, and White Sands, Red Menace, which won the California and New Mexico Book awards. Her short fiction, previously collected in the World Fantasy Award-nominated Portable Childhoods, has appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies, and has been translated into more than seven languages and republished worldwide. A graduate from the Second City’s infamous Improv Program, Klages also holds a degree in philosophy, which led to many randomly-alliterative jobs such as proofreader, photographer, painter, and pinball arcade manager. Her newest collection, Wicked Wonders—full of tales about bad girls and their friends—is now available from Tachyon Publications, and contains several cross-over stories for fans of Passing Strange, her Tor.com novella. Ellen lives in San Francisco, in a small house full of strange and wondrous things.

A Folktale Saves Technicolor: Disney’s Take on “The Three Little Pigs”

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In 1917, film color processor Technicolor wowed audiences with some of the first moving color images ever projected on screen. But after that initial triumph, things proved a bit wobbly. Their second method, Process 2 Technicolor, which used two strip negatives in red and green to create a color image on screen, had at least solved the problem of needing to find skilled projectionists who could align the images correctly during film performances (a failure of the Process 1 Technicolor), but failed in nearly every other respect. Process 2 created images that were easily scratched, film that could (and often did) fall through projectors, and colors that could be kindly described as “pale,” “somewhat off,” “unrealistic”, or in the words of unkinder critics, “awful.” Undaunted, Technicolor went to work, created an improved Process 3—which projected moving specks onto the screen. Not only did this distort the images; audience members assumed they were looking at insects.

Perhaps understandably, audiences did not rush to see these colored films. So, with the Great Depression still lingering, several film studios considered dropping the costly color process altogether. By 1932, Technicolor faced potential ruin. But the company thought they had a solution: a new three strip color process that could provide vibrant colors that could, in most cases, reproduce the actual colors filmed by the camera. The only problem—a tiny tiny tiny problem—was that the process wasn’t quite ready for film yet. But it might—it might—be ready for cartoons.

They just had to find someone interested in a bit of experimentation.

Luckily for them, Walt Disney was in an experimental mood.

His long time animation partner Ub Iwerks had left the studio in 1930, forcing Walt Disney to hunt down other artists and cartoon directors. He was still working with the shape, form and character of Mickey Mouse, introduced just a couple of years previously, but he wanted something new. Plus, his company had just signed a new distribution deal with United Artists. And he still thought animation could produce something more than it had so far. So when Technicolor agreed to give him an exclusive deal on this new technology in 1932—promising, correctly as it turned out, that live action films would not be able to use it for a couple more years—Walt Disney jumped at the chance, despite the protests of his brother Roy Disney, who did not think that the company could afford to pay for Technicolor.

Roy Disney’s gloomy prognostications were not entirely unfounded. Company records show that although on paper its Silly Symphony cartoons seemed to bring in money, the need to split revenues with United Artists and the initial $50,000 (approximately) cost per cartoon meant that the cartoons usually took more than a year to earn back their costs—and that only if United Artists and movie theaters agreed to run them, instead of choosing a cartoon from Warner Bros or other rivals instead. With the cash flow problem, paying for color was risky at best. Color, countered Walt Disney, might be just enough to persuade their distributor and movie theatres to hang on.

From Disney’s Flowers and Trees (1932)

The first Silly Symphony cartoon made with the new process, the 1932 Flowers and Trees, seemed to bolster both points of view: it won an Academy Award for Best Cartoon Short, which helped keep it and Disney in theatres, and it initially lost money. Color, Walt Disney realized, was not going to be enough: he also needed a story. And not just a story based on the common cartoon gags, either. He needed a story with characters. A mouse was doing fairly well for him so far. Why not a story of another animal—say, a pig? Maybe two pigs? Using the rhymes from that old fairy tale? And all in glorious Technicolor? He was excited enough by the idea to force his artists to work, in his own words, “in spite of Christmas.”

To direct this next short, Walt Disney selected the temperamental Bert Gillett, who had previously directed several Mickey Mouse and Silly Symphony shorts. The two almost immediately started fighting. Walt Disney wanted two pigs; Gillett wanted three. Gillett won that point, allowing Walt Disney to win the next “suggestion”—more of a demand. The pigs must not only be cute, but have real personalities—and teach a moral message.

That is, the first two little pigs would not, as in the version recorded by James Orchard Halliwell-Phillips and Joseph Jacobs, receive their building materials by mere chance. Instead, as in the Andrew Lang version, they would deliberately choose weaker building material specifically so that they could build their houses quickly and then goof off. The third little pig wouldn’t just build his house out of bricks: he would pointedly sing about the values of hard work. And since in these pre-“Whistle While You Work,” and “Heigh-Ho” days, no one knew if a song about hard work would be a hit, well. The cartoon could also throw in a song about the Big Bad Wolf.

To compose that song, eventually named “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf,” Disney turned to Frank Churchill. The composer had joined the studio three years previously, churning out compositions for various Mickey Mouse shorts. In the boring version, Campbell agreed to work on this cartoon because he needed the money and liked pigs. In the much more interesting version put out by Disney publicists at the time, Campbell desperately needed to score this cartoon in order to help exorcise a traumatic childhood memory of three little piglets who liked to listen to him play on the harmonica and the big bad wolf who ate one of them. If you are thinking well, that’s a suspiciously convenient story, well, yes, yes it is, and if you are also thinking that it’s rather suspiciously convenient that after no one could confirm that Churchill had ever played the harmonica for pigs of any size the story suddenly vanished from official Disney sources, well, yes, yes, valid point, but you know what? It’s a great story, so let’s just go with it.

A somewhat more plausible publicity story from the time claimed that actress Mary Pickford, then in the process of transitioning from full time acting to full time producing with United Artists, but at Disney to discuss possibly working with the studio on an Alice in Wonderland cartoon, was one of the first outsiders to see the initial designs for the pigs and hear Churchill, story artist Ted Sears and voice actor Pinto Colvig sing “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf.” Publicists claimed that Pickford immediately told Walt Disney that she would never speak to him again if he didn’t finish the cartoon. Unable to say no to Mary Pickford’s charm—or to the fact that United Artists was now his only distributor—Walt Disney agreed. I say “somewhat more plausible” since other records indicate that Walt Disney already loved the pigs and planned to do the short in any case.

Meanwhile, the animators pushed ahead with Walt Disney’s other demand: creating pigs with personality. In earlier Disney cartoons, the characters had largely been distinguished by size and appearance. Here, the three pigs look virtually identical. Oh, they do wear different hats and clothes—Practical Pig is modest enough to wear overalls, while the other two pigs have decided that life is happier without pants. But otherwise, they are all remarkably similar, with virtually identical faces and body shapes. What would distinguish them was personality. A trick the animators decided to do through facial expressions and movement.

This was probably not quite as revolutionary as animator Chuck Jones would later claim it was—other cartoon animators (and to be fair, previous Disney shorts) had also conveyed personality through movement and faces. But it was still different than most of the cartoons at the time—and it largely works. Granted, I still can’t really tell the difference between Fiddler Pig and Fifer Pig if they aren’t carrying their instruments, but they are obviously different than Practical Pig.

Not that all of the theatre owners and distributors were immediately convinced: at least one complained that they’d gotten more value for their money from previous cartoons which had more than four characters, however cute and different.

The final result was released as a Silly Symphonies short in 1933, presented, as its title page assures us, by no less a personage than the great Mickey Mouse himself. (Mickey Mouse was very busy in the 1930s selling Mickey Mouse merchandise, so taking the time to present a cartoon short was quite a concession.) And in full Technicolor.

The short starts with a pig merrily singing, “I built my house of straw! I built my house of hay! I toot my flute and don’t give a hoot and play around all day!” This would be Fifer Pig, and I think we can all appreciate his total indifference to what people might say about him, and his refusal to wear pants. A second pig follows this with “I built my house of sticks! I built my house of sticks! With a hey diddle diddle I’ll play on my fiddle and dance all kinds of jigs!” It’s all very cheerful.

Alas, the third pig—Practical Pig—turns out to be very grumpy indeed, singing that “I built my house of stone! I built my house of bricks! I have no chance to sing and dance cause work and play don’t mix!” Pig dude, you are literally singing while slapping down mortar between the bricks, so don’t give me this “I have no chance to sing” tuff. Or at least don’t try to sing while making this complaint, because it’s not very convincing. My sympathies are completely with the other two pigs. And not just because they seem a lot more fun.

Fifer Pig puts out a nice welcome mat once his house is built, and Fiddler Pig cheerfully dances with him. They try to bring Practical Pig into the fun, but he refuses, telling them that he’ll be safe and they’ll be sorry—leading them to sing “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?” When the Big Bad Wolf turns up, the answer, as it turns out, is the two pigs, who aren’t just afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, but terrified. It probably doesn’t help that at this point, the music switches from the jolly chords of “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?” to terrifying chords.

Terrified, the pigs rush back to their homes, promising not to let the wolf in “by the hair of my chinny chin chin.” The infuriated wolf responds with the expected “I’ll HUFF and I’ll PUFF and I’LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE IN.”

As someone who had, alas, seen far too many houses that I had carefully crafted out of pillows, stuffed animals, Tinker-Toys and blocks COMPLETELY DESTROYED with a single careless gesture, Small Me could sympathize all too deeply with this and indeed may possibly have reacted with a complete breakdown and a wish that the TV had shown Tigger instead because Tigger was much better than any MEAN WOLF WHO KNOCKED DOWN HOUSES.

The wood house does present the Big Bad Wolf with a slight practical obstacle, but after a moment of thinking, he disguises himself as a sheep—a refugee sheep, at that, calling himself “a poor little sheep, with no place to sleep,” begging to be allowed in. Hmm. The pigs announce that they aren’t fooled, infuriating the Big Bad Wolf again. He blows the wood house down in response.

The pigs flee to the house of Practical Pig, who, I must note, for all his complaints about not having time for music and fun, has taken the time to install a piano. A piano made of brick, granted (in one of the short’s most delightful touches) I’m beginning to believe you are a bit of a hypocrite, Practical Pig.

The Big Bad Wolf follows, desperate to capture a pig.

As part of this, he disguises himself as a Jewish peddler, dripped in every possible anti-Semitic stereotype imaginable.

In 1934.

This scene should not, perhaps, be unexpected. Walt Disney was known to use racist and ethnic slurs in the workplace (along with the constant habit of calling all of his professional women artists “girls,” a habit often picked up and followed by Disney historians) and could hardly be called a shining light in race relations.

In fairness, I should note that one of this cartoon’s direct sequels, The Three Little Wolves, released just a few years later, took a strong anti-Nazi stance. Shortly after this, Walt Disney bought the film rights for Bambi, well aware that the book was an anti-Nazi text banned by the Third Reich, and sunk a considerable amount of money that he and his company could not afford into the film. His company spent much of World War II releasing propaganda and war training cartoons, as well as releasing Victory Through Air Power, a live action/animated propaganda film arguing for the destruction of the Nazi regime.

And in this short, it’s the villain of the piece who chooses to use offensive stereotypes, not the sympathetic protagonists. Also, the entire plan flops.

But this scene has not aged well, to put it mildly.

Anyway. After the costume fails, the Big Bad Wolf attacks. Practical Pig spends quite a bit of this attack playing the piano, like, I’m really starting to view you as a hypocrite now, Practical Pig, but when he hears the Big Bad Wolf trying to enter the house through the ceiling, he takes a large container of turpentine. Why, exactly, does a pig need to keep a large container of turpentine around the house, I ask myself, before realizing that this is precisely the sort of question probably best not asked of Disney cartoon shorts. Practical Pig pours the turpentine into a cauldron conveniently waiting over a fire in the fireplace. The boiling turpentine is the last straw for the wolf, who bolts back out of the chimney and runs off, sobbing. The pigs laugh merrily and return to dancing again, with one last joke from Practical Pig.

So, Practical Pig, you’re generally a complete downer and a hypocrite and play practical jokes on your pig friends. Ugh. No wonder I hate this fairy tale.

It’s an odd mix of brutality and cheerfulness, laced with echoes of the Great Depression, where people found themselves losing homes to forces they could not control. But those echoes are mixed with a strong sense that the cartoon, at least, blames Fifer Pig and Fiddler Pig for their own misfortunes: they chose to dance and sing rather than work, and they chose flimsier building materials. Walt Disney, in a memo, described this as stressing a moral: that those who work the hardest get the reward—a moral that he felt would give the cartoon more depth and feeling.

And I’m almost willing to buy the ethical lesson here, despite that tinge of victim blaming, and lack of sympathy for refugees—because, after all, Practical Pig does work quite hard, and deserves some reward, and does ungrudgingly provide a refuge for the other two pigs, saving their lives. At the same time, however, I can’t help noticing that in addition to being a downer and a hypocrite, Practical Pig also keeps suspiciously large amounts of turpentine around and has a rather alarming portrait on his wall of a long string of sausages labelled “Father.” Okay, Practical Pig. I’m now officially worried about you—and not completely convinced that you deserve your happy ending, any more than Fifer Pig and Fiddler Pig deserved to lose their homes. The world needs music and dancing as much as it needs bricks.

Audiences did not share my worries. They loved the pigs. The cartoon became Disney’s hands down most financially successful cartoon short, leaving even the Mickey Mouse shorts far behind; adjusted for inflation, it holds this record today. “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf” was even more popular, taken up first as a theme song for the Great Depression, and then by U.S. troops heading off to Nazi Germany. Critics and industry insiders were impressed as well. The Three Little Pigs won an Academy Award in 1934 for Best Animated Short in recognition of its popularity and animation breakthroughs.

It was even popular enough to be referenced by Clark Gable during It Happened One Night (1934). That film, in turn, was supposedly one of the inspirations for Bugs Bunny, who later starred in The Windblown Hare, one of the three WB cartoon shorts also based on this folktale. (What can I say? Hollywood, then and now, has not always been a well of original thinking.)

The Three Little Pigs had a substantial legacy on Disney as well. United Artists immediately demanded more pigs, and although Walt Disney wanted to try new things, he could not risk alienating his distributor, and reluctantly released three more shorts: The Big Bad Wolf (also featuring Little Red Riding Hood) in 1934; Three Little Wolves in 1936; and The Practical Pig (easily the most brutal of the lot) in 1939. None were particularly successful, but all kept income coming into the studio during financial lean times.

Meanwhile, the income from The Three Little Pigs convinced Walt Disney that audiences would flock to see animated stories, not just cartoon gags—and helped finance Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937), the company’s first full length animated film. In later years Walt Disney liked to say that the company had all been started with a mouse. It’s equally possible to argue that the company really got its success from the pigs.

But the hands down most influential legacy of the short was on Technicolor and film in general. The Three Little Pigs was often more popular than the feature films that followed it, convincing studios that even though the previous color processes had not drawn in audiences, the new three strip color process, however expensive, would. Distributors, indeed, began demanding Technicolor films, ushering in a lushly colorful film era that was only temporarily halted by the need to cut expenses during World War II. And it all started with pigs.

If you’ve missed the short, it’s currently available on an edited, authorized version on The Disney Animation Collection, Volume 2: Three Little Pigs, and, depending upon Disney’s mood, on Netflix streaming, as well as a completely unauthorized YouTube version that may not still be there by the time you read this. Purists should note that the official Disney releases have edited out the Jewish peddler scene, though it can still be viewed on the YouTube version.

Mari Ness lives in central Florida.

Ball Lightning Audio Excerpt

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A new science fiction adventure from the author of the Three-Body Trilogy, Cixin Lu’s Ball Lightning is a fast-paced story of what happens when the beauty of scientific inquiry runs up against the drive to harness new discoveries with no consideration of their possible consequences.

We’re excited to share an excerpt from the audiobook below, translated by Joel Martinsen and read by Feodor Chin.

When Chen’s parents are incinerated before his eyes by a blast of ball lightning, he devotes his life to cracking the secret of this mysterious natural phenomenon. His search takes him to stormy mountaintops, an experimental military weapons lab, and an old Soviet science station.

The more he learns, the more he comes to realize that ball lightning is just the tip of an entirely new frontier. While Chen’s quest for answers gives purpose to his lonely life, it also pits him against soldiers and scientists with motives of their own: a beautiful army major with an obsession with dangerous weaponry, and a physicist who has no place for ethical considerations in his single-minded pursuit of knowledge.

Ball Lighting is available August 14th from Tor Books. You can find the audio edition with Macmillan Audio, or get the print and ebook editions at the links below!

What Is, What Could Be, What Should Be: Before She Sleeps by Bina Shah

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After nuclear war and global instability, Green City seems like a utopia, a place of hope and growth in the middle of a vast Southwest Asian desert. When a Virus decimates the female population, the Agency creates Perpetuation Bureau to repopulate the region. Men hold all the power, but must share a Wife with up to five other men. Women are stripped of their rights and made into “domestic scientists” whose sole purpose is to breed with their Husbands. The Bureau assigns marriages, monitors women’s fertility, and executes anyone who resists.

Not long after the establishment of this patriarchal authoritarianism, two women disappear from Green City. In its underground tunnels they build the Panah, a secret community of women who refuse to be Wives. They survive through a kind of prostitution, offering powerful men not duty-bound sex but chaste intimacy. Sabine hates working with Clients and carries so much fear of being assaulted by them that she barely sleeps. On her way home from a Client she passes out on the street in severe pain and ends up in the hospital. Lin, the woman who runs the Panah, begs for help from Reuben Faro, a high-ranking man in the Agency who also happens to be her lover. A kindly male doctor keeps Sabine alive, but the longer she stays in the hospital, the more precarious her situation—and the future of the Panah—becomes.

Dystopian fiction is a funhouse mirror held up to the present. It distorts our world just enough to exaggerate the differences, but not so much that it loses familiarity. In it we see how our society’s actions can contradict our values. There’s a reason the subgenre surges in popularity during periods of sociocultural turmoil. When done right, dystopian fiction reveals the chasm between who we say we are and who we really are by warning us of what we are about to become. When done poorly, it becomes a weak parable that neither pushes the conversation forward nor demands accountability. I want to tell you that Before She Sleeps by Bina Shah is well-crafted feminist dystopian science fiction. In many ways it is. But it fails for me in two key areas: queerness and authorial intent.

There’s something to be said for a feminist dystopian novel using queerness and the gender binary to talk about the evils of the patriarchy. This is not one of those novels. Before She Sleeps is deeply, frustratingly, and inexplicably focused on cisnormativity and heteronormativity. The characters do not refute, scrutinize, or criticize how Green City constructs gender roles, identities, or expressions. They clearly don’t enjoy life under authoritarian rule, but that’s about it. Although the characters chafe at Green City’s gender roles, they’re really more upset about how those roles are enforced than how the roles are defined.

The novel posits cishet as the default human experience and everything not that as violent, deviant behavior. This is disingenuous at best, dangerous at worst. Thing is, you simply cannot meaningfully critique the patriarchy when the only viewpoints considered are cisgender heterosexuals. Not in this day and age. Shah is, in effect, only looking at a fraction of the problem. I’d argue that a non-cishet perspective is actually a better lens for analyzing the patriarchy. People who aren’t cisgender, heterosexual, or both have substantially more to lose in a patriarchal society than those who are. Frankly, I think it’s a shame Sabine was written as cishet. Her storyline would have had so much more social commentary with some queerness folded in. But Shah still could have used the background narrative to venture beyond the rigid rules of cis/heteronormativity even while keeping the protagonists cishet.

The absence of QTPOC narratives also begs a host of worldbuilding-related questions. What about the Virus that can be transmitted by men but kills only women? Gender is a social construct that exists on a wide, messy spectrum. You can’t apply gender stereotypes to diseases. And what happened to all the queer people when the new regime took over? Did they escape before the borders were sealed or did they go into hiding? Were trans people forced to detransition or were they executed? Did non-binary, genderqueer, and intersex people have to pick a binary expression, was the decision made for them by the government, or were they eliminated altogether? What about the queer men in power? Was the Panah open to trans or queer women? That by the end of the novel I know more about Green City’s malls than I do its queer community is disappointing to say the least.

Shah intended Before She Sleeps as “a paean to women’s resourcefulness, the importance of male allies and friends, and faith that we can redress the imbalances of our societies.” While the novel somewhat succeeds at the first two, it neglects the third. The Panah is not a counterbalance to the Agency. Its founders sought refuge from Green City’s demands on womanhood, not to undermine the Agency’s control. They may not like the society they live in, but none of the characters, male or female, seem to have any interest in dismantling the system.

As for the resourcefulness of women and the importance of male allyship, well, the novel binds the former to the latter. The resourcefulness of the women of the Panah comes solely from finding ways to make men need them. Men still hold all the power, they just wield it differently. Sabine, Rupa, and the other “rebellious” women hold as little personal agency in the Panah as they do in Green City. Men request their presence and the women go without resistance or hesitation. Men set the tone of the meeting, control ingress and egress, and can abuse their contracts with no oversight. Male allyship (or lack thereof) turns the plot, not the women’s resourcefulness. In other words, the women of the Panah are codependent, not independent.

A lot of people are going to love this novel no matter my objections. It will appear on lists of the best feminist and dystopian fiction for years to come. And maybe it should. Although the overarching context of Before She Sleeps didn’t work for me, I was still captivated by Bina Shah. She concocted a moving tale about a frightening future that could all too easily come to pass. As much as I was concerned by what Shah left out, what was on the page was beautifully written.

The novel is broken into three parts, and each chapter is told from different POVs. Sabine is the main protagonist and gets the most first-person narration, but other voices filter through to offer different takes on the proceedings. The main characters are well-written and emotionally raw, Sabine in particular. Character details are sparsely and delicately delivered, but I never felt lost or confused. The worldbuilding is largely excellent (with exception to the queer questions noted earlier). Everything from the tech to the sociopolitical rules to the literal landscape are vividly drawn.

Besides Shah’s obvious talent, I can’t think of another feminist dystopian science fiction novel set in Southwest Asia. The background mythology is decidedly not European or Christian, a welcome change to the subgenre’s usual fare. The novel’s premise alone is fascinating enough to merit a read through. I just wish Shah did more with it.

Ultimately, I can’t decide if I’m more disappointed for Before She Sleeps not being what I wanted it to be or for not being what it could have been. Yet by rejecting queerness, a novel that by all rights should be the new A Handmaid’s Tale instead becomes a shadow of Atwood’s seminal work. And I think that’s what bothers me most of all. We’re long past due for the next great feminist dystopian science fiction novel. Bina Shah comes close, but stumbles where it counts.

Alex Brown is a YA librarian by day, local historian by night, pop culture critic/reviewer by passion, and an ace/aro Black woman all the time. Keep up with her every move on Twitter, check out her endless barrage of cute rat pics on Instagram, or follow along with her reading adventures on her blog.

The Stars Now Unclaimed Sweepstakes!

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The Stars Now Unclaimed by Drew Williams

We want to send you a galley copy of Drew Williams’ The Stars Now Unclaimed, available August 21st from Tor Books!

Jane Kamali is an agent for the Justified. Her mission: to recruit children with miraculous gifts in the hope that they might prevent the Pulse from once again sending countless worlds back to the dark ages.

Hot on her trail is the Pax—a collection of fascist zealots who believe they are the rightful rulers of the galaxy and who remain untouched by the Pulse.

Now Jane, a handful of comrades from her past, and a telekinetic girl called Esa must fight their way through a galaxy full of dangerous conflicts, remnants of ancient technology, and other hidden dangers.

And that’s just the beginning . . .

Comment in the post to enter!

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. A purchase does not improve your chances of winning. Sweepstakes open to legal residents of 50 United States and D.C., and Canada (excluding Quebec). To enter, comment on this post beginning at 2:30 PM Eastern Time (ET) on August 9th. Sweepstakes ends at 12:00 PM ET on August 13th. Void outside the United States and Canada and where prohibited by law. Please see full details and official rules here. Sponsor: Tor.com, 175 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10010.


Mecha Samurai Empire

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Makoto Fujimoto grew up in California, but with a difference–his California is part of the United States of Japan. After Germany and Japan won WWII, the United States fell under their control. Growing up in this world, Mac plays portical games, haphazardly studies for the Imperial Exam, and dreams of becoming a mecha pilot. Only problem: Mac’s grades are terrible. His only hope is to pass the military exam and get into the prestigious mecha pilot training program at Berkeley Military Academy.

When his friend Hideki’s plan to game the test goes horribly wrong, Mac washes out of the military exam too. Perhaps he can achieve his dream by becoming a civilian pilot. But with tensions rising between the United States of Japan and Nazi Germany and rumors of collaborators and traitors abounding, Mac will have to stay alive long enough first…

The follow-up to United States of Japan, Peter Tieryas’ action-packed alternate history novel Mecha Samurai Empire is available September 18th from Ace Books.

 

 

I pledge allegiance to the flag
Of the United States of Japan
And to the Empire
For which it stands,
Under the Emperor, indivisible,
With order and justice for all.

 

GRANADA HILLS
1994 WINTER

 

I don’t know why people say time heals all wounds. Time only aggravates mine.

My maternal grandparents were Japanese citizens who lived in Kyoto and immigrated to San Francisco during the early 1900s. My paternal grandparents were ethnic Koreans who moved to Los Angeles shortly after the Empire’s victory in 1948. There were more opportunities in the United States of Japan then, especially since the Empire was rebuilding so many of the cities that were in ruins. My parents met during the 1974 Matsuri, a festival at a Shinto shrine in Irvine. My father served as a mecha technician and worked on the maintenance of their armor plating. My mother was an officer who worked as a navigator aboard the mecha Kamoshika. She recognized my dad at the shrine for the work he did on their BP generator. They each picked out an o-mikuji from the o-mikuji box, wondering what fortunes those little strips of paper foretold. By pure coincidence, both of their messages read that a momentous event would occur that day and alter their destinies forever. After sharing jokes and chiding each other about destiny and politics in the corps, they agreed to go to their favorite ramen shop for dinner.

I was born two years later.

My earliest memory with them is at a mecha factory in Long Beach. The armored legs were bigger than most buildings I’d seen. By the time I was three, I was waging wars against the Nazis with mecha toys my dad had built for me. He’d made me a special jimbaori, and I loved the way the old samurai surcoats gave my mechanical warriors a regal bearing. Neither of my parents got to pilot an actual mecha even though both wished they could. Maybe they’d have gotten the chance if they’d had more time.

The greatest threat during their lives wasn’t the Germans but American terrorists who called themselves George Washingtons. The George Washingtons were rumored to be so ruthless, they’d cut off the ears of our soldiers to wear as necklaces. In 1978, hundreds of the terrorists launched themselves at the city hall in San Diego and killed thousands of our citizens. Three months later, they carried out another attack, killing many innocent civilians in the Gaslamp Quarter, including the wife of an important general.

Mom and Dad were ordered to the front in early 1980. They came back home to visit every few months, but neither of them spoke much during their years of service. My father spent most of his time brooding, and the only time I saw even a hint of affection from my mother was when she’d be humming military songs to herself. The last memory I have of them is the morning they left. They told me they’d see me in three months. I still remember the bright colors of the jacketlike haoris they wore over their kimonos and how attracted I was to the golden embroidery. We ate our breakfast in silence. My eggs were too salty, my anchovies were hard, and the pickled tsukemono smelled funny. They usually left without saying much. But that morning, my mom stopped as she was about to leave, came back inside, and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

Nineteen eighty-four was a bloody year. Lots of kids in the Empire became orphans that year. I was no exception. My parents were killed in two separate battles four days apart.

The corporal who came to tell me wept as he spoke. Mom had saved his life in battle, so he had taken the news very hard. “Your mother loved nashis,” he told me, having brought a box full of the sweet Asian pears. “She used to cut them up into small pieces to share with her whole unit, and she’d always save one piece just to show she was thinking of you.”

Concepts like life and death were hard for me to grasp at that age. Even as he told me stories about my parents, I kept on wondering when he’d go away and my parents would return. It took me a full year to realize they were never coming back, and by then, I was living with a stingy “guardian” who’d been ordered by the government to adopt me, as I had no surviving family members. His primary business had been construction with the hotels in Tijuana and San Diego, but the revolt had put an end to all that. My adoptive father insisted that my adoptive mother measure the amount of rice she was scooping for me. If I left even a little bit of food on my plate, I’d get a severe scolding for “wasting food,” which both my adoptive brothers did without a second thought.

Knowing my parents had served aboard mechas, I glorified them. I swore I would grow up to be a mecha pilot protecting the Empire against its enemies. My adoptive parents called it a pipe dream and sent me away as soon as I was eligible for boarding school, in Granada Hills within the California Province, where I’ve been for nearly a decade.

Now, with my high-school graduation coming in a few months, I practice almost every day on the mecha simulations. Like most kids who grew up in the eighties, I play portical games. The mecha simulations take place inside arcade booths that re-create visuals captured from real-life footage, with surround sound that makes the experience immersive. I wear haptic controls and drive the mecha with a simplified interface that simulates piloting. While I engage in many battles, the one I go back to most often is the fight in San Diego in which my mother was killed.

The Kamoshika was an older Kaneda-class mecha, larger but less deadly than the Torturer-class mechas that were slowly replacing them. Samurai Titan was their nickname because they were so massive. The Kamoshika was essentially a mountain-sized warrior with robotic joints and a face mask protecting its bridge in the head.

It’d been called in to investigate suspicious activity by the George Washingtons. A rebel leader calling herself Abigail Adams led a surprise attack that decimated one of our battalions. The lieutenant colonel in charge of the security station had sent an SOS before communications were cut.

Playing the sim again, I watch as our forces disconnect all electricity to that region of the city. Our soldiers switch to infrared mode, but it’s like shadow dancing as they tiptoe their way across a blackened San Diego. The terrorists fire flare guns into the sky, causing bright orbs to reveal the presence of the mecha. There is a frenzied commotion as the GWs prepare for what is designed as the ultimate trap.

They’ve gathered twenty-two Neptune Tactical Missile Launchers they obtained from the Nazis (even though the Germans would later claim they were stolen) along with five Panzer Maus IX Super-tanks. When the Kamoshika arrives at the scene, there is a simultaneous barrage. The pilot realizes it’s an ambush and has a split second when he can choose to flee. But it’s in an area full of civilians, and the Kamoshika has a sizable military escort that would be helpless against the Panzers and their biomorphs if it made a tactical retreat. It decides to stand its ground and fight, absorbing all the punishment it can. Its endeavor to protect those behind it is not very successful. I watch in slow motion as the armored suit gets incinerated and the BP generator gets exposed, resulting in total meltdown.

This is one of those battles that can’t be won in the simulation. If I choose to escape, a great portion of our armed forces gets eliminated and the civilian death toll is catastrophic. If I take the brunt of the blast and fight as hard as I can against the remaining terrorists, I die and leave a young me bereaved.

All these years since the battle, I still struggle with the nightmare scenario that haunted my childhood.

 

For some kids, academic achievement comes naturally. Unfortunately, I’m not one of them. I work all night, but my grades are only a little above average. I know that won’t cut it.

On the main island, the most prestigious military school is the Imperial Japanese Army Academy (Rikugun Shikan Gakko), and the principal way to get accepted is completion of a rigorous three-year course at one of the preparatory schools called Rikugun Yonen Gakko. That, or you show exemplary service as an enlisted soldier and are younger than twenty-five years of age.

If the entrance admission were based on my grades alone, my chances of getting into the top school in the USJ, Berkeley Military Academy (BEMA), would be nonexistent. It’s not as if I have a rich family who can buy my way in, either. The only path open to me is to get a good score on the military supplement to the weeklong imperial exams, then hope I can obtain a military recommendation from someone important who notices my test results. It’s something I pray to the Emperor for every day because I know I have only a one percent chance of success. Fortunately, the academy isn’t looking just for good potential soldiers. They want the best gaming minds to interface with the portical controls on their most advanced machinery. There is historical precedent. The most prominent was one of the best mecha pilots, a cadet with the code name Kujira. She too had average grades and did poorly on the general imperial exams. But her military simulation scores are the best in recorded academy history, and she is a legend as one of our most decorated pilots.

That’s partly why I’ve spent almost every night for the past two years playing the mecha simulations at the Gogo Arcade and why I’m here a week before we’re taking the test. My best friend, Hideki, is also here. Unlike me, he doesn’t want to be a pilot but rather a game designer, as he loves portical games and hopes to get into the gaming division at Berkeley, BEMAG. Both are extremely difficult positions to aspire to.

“I heard the new Cat Odyssey is on the floor,” Hideki tells me.

Even though I can download samples of all games to my portical, many of the new titles have exclusive deals with arcades, so you can play the full version only if you’re physically present.

Cat Odyssey is a series I’ve been playing since I was eight. It’s one of the most popular games in the Empire and shows the history of our Great Pacific War against the Americans from the perspective of a cat. The cat can gain knowledge points that translate to greater powers and acquired abilities, like climbing higher plateaus and dropping down with minimal damage. Part of its allure is its uncannily real visuals, photographic in its depiction of the late 1940s (different iterations take place in different years). The developers took two years to make sure the latest part maintained graphic fidelity to the past, including the deployment of the first mechas, which were originally symbolic figures. They were built by the military as embodiments of the Empire, clad in samurai armor, launching tactical weapons at our American foes but unable to do much else.

I prepare myself for disappointment in case the game doesn’t live up to my expectations. But I’m also playing because some of the endurance levels are said to be designed by Rogue199, the alias for the top developer at Taiyo Tech. She’s the mastermind behind many of the actual mecha simulations for the exam. I want to try it for a few hours to see whether there’s anything that can give me an extra edge on the test. Hideki thinks it’s a fool’s quest, but I’ve never been one to shy away from futile pursuits.

Hideki’s biological family had been in America for several generations, but they’d originally come over from Europe. He doesn’t know much about it, though, since his parents were killed in San Diego and he was adopted by a man who worked as an exterminator. His adoptive dad earned a good living hunting roaches, but Hideki was embarrassed about his profession. At school, Hideki made up stories about his real parents, narratives that would shift depending on his mood, the tales ranging from the exotically grand to the stupendously impossible. He created so many pasts, I think he stopped remembering which were true and which were fictional. He ran away from home multiple times before his guardian shipped him off to live with his aunt here in Granada Hills—which is where I met him. (Honestly, it took me a while before I figured out this much.) We became best friends because of our mutual passion for portical games.

Mac, he calls me, which is short for Makoto. Everyone in the Empire has a Japanese name, no matter their ethnicity. Most also have a nickname in the dominant language of their region. Mine is the name of one of my favorite USJ boxers. “There it is.”

A whole section of the arcade is devoted to Cat Odyssey. All ninety-eight stalls are occupied by gamers. Fortunately, one of our friends saved us a spot.

She’s Griselda Beringer, an exchange student from the Reich city of Hamburg. Taller than each of us, she’s ethnically half-German, half-Japanese. Her hair is blond, and she has sharp green eyes. She is studying engineering and shares our love for gaming. Her specialty is flight and driving simulations. She’s especially good with the Zero sims, beating everyone I’ve seen dogfight against her in the Pacific War re-creations. Unlike us, she doesn’t have to take the imperial exams (German university exams are later), so she can game until her fingers get tired. It’s just the three of us tonight because all our friends are studying for the weeklong exam, which I know is what I should be doing too. I just want to play the new Cat Odyssey.

“How is it?” I ask Griselda, who’s been playing it for the last hour.

She shrugs, intentionally noncommittal to tease me.

“That good?” I say.

She moves aside so I can start. I open my portical, flip out the triangular edges, and use the kikkai field to connect to the game. The display on the stall is hooked into my portical, which I can use as my controller with custom configurations that remain constant. My saved data profiles from my treks through previous iterations of the feline journey come through.

I get dropped into old Los Angeles. Much of the city is in ruins, firebombed by our air force. The Americans are killing anyone they can find of Japanese descent and, incidentally, everyone who appears Asian. They are barbaric in the way they treat foreigners. My cat avatar, Soseki (I know it’s a bit of a cliché when it comes to avatar names), stealthily makes her way through the city alleys. They’ve increased the number of polygonal facets and rewritten the fur system so that it generates cylindrical meshes rather than the usual field of flat planes masquerading as fur. The attention to detail is remarkable.

Much of my gear from my previous save file also transfers over. The Susano Cape lets me traverse water. The Fujin Boot gives my cat the ability to do a double jump in the air. A Tanuki suit grants me a spell to change into a stone statue, which makes me invulnerable to hostiles. With my equipment in place, all of Los Angeles is open for me. Stories based on real-life accounts play out. Many of my missions involve helping those suffering under American rule and assisting USJ soldiers where I can. There is a sense of helplessness that pervades, punctuated by melancholy but catchy music. Orchestral and digitized versions of all the music play in the background, and I opt for the retro-styled beats that are similar to the earlier Odyssey games. Kawada composes all the music in the series. I frequently put myself to sleep listening to his tracks.

I am on my fifteenth mission when Griselda and Hideki pull me away.

“What’s going on?” I ask, annoyed by the interruption.

“You’ve been playing for four hours. Let’s grab something to eat.”

I have to check the clock to make sure they’re not lying to me. They’re not.

There’s a café in the arcade. Hideki orders okonomiyaki with spicy sausages, squid, and pepper jack cheese. Griselda orders a taco with chicken skewers and curry-topped goat nachos. I can’t stop thinking about what to do next and order a watermelon burger salad. It’s a cheap bowl filled with ground beef, fruit, and spinach that’s light, so I can focus on my game without bathroom breaks.

“How are you liking the game?” Griselda asks as she hands me a fork.

“So far, beating expectations,” I reply, taking a bite of my salad. “What are you at?”

“Beating some punks in dogfighting,” she says. “They didn’t heat the curry nachos today!” she exclaims after taking a bite.

“They were stingy with the sausages today too,” Hideki says about his pizza-pancake monstrosity, which takes up a quarter of our table.

Griselda flags down a waiter, and explains, “These nachos are too cold, and the chips are soggy.”

“Can I get some more sausages on mine?” Hideki asks the waiter, who looks similar in age to us.

The waiter apologizes, bows, and takes both plates away.

Griselda notes, “I sometimes think too many of us Germans mistake your politeness for weakness.”

“What do you mean?”

“There was so much disdain in his bow. Don’t you think?”

“Sometimes, a bow can be the ultimate form of disrespect,” I note.

“How can you tell when it is?”

“Depends on the angle and facial expression. Like I could be way down here,” I say, and lower myself. “And I could be making the worst expression, and you’d have no idea.” I raise myself back up and have my face contorted and my tongue sticking out.

“Not sure if you’re being disrespectful or just an idiot,” Hideki says with a laugh. “What you gotta do is let out a small fart when you bow. They might not know you’re being disrespectful. But they’ll smell it.”

Griselda glowers at Hideki. “That is a horrible suggestion. Which is why I’m going to take you up on it next time I have to bow to one of those gaming idiots who challenges me, thinking they can take my money.”

The waiter brings back the food and has added fishcake balls as a token of his apology. Griselda puts her hands together, simpers, and says in as cute a voice as she can muster, “Itadakimasu,” before taking a bite of her nachos, then putting her thumb up in approval.

I honestly don’t know why she always says that before eating.
I’ve explained to her our customs are different here versus the main island and that no one says that here in the USJ. Much of our culture, and even many of our expressions, would be unfamiliar in Tokyo, and vice versa. While we’re all members of the Empire, it doesn’t mean we’re a uniform bunch who mimic one another. The citizens in Tokyo are different from those in Taiko City, Vancouver, Dallas Tokai, Sydney, and Los Angeles.

Right after the end of the Great Pacific War, Nakahara, the Minister of Language, believed different languages inherently had within them unique structures of thinking that would give the Empire flexibility and growth that wouldn’t be possible if the local dialects were eliminated. While Japanese is the official imperial language throughout the Empire and required learning, within our governed areas, we are encouraged to speak the local dialect. That’s why we speak English in the USJ.

But Griselda likes to fuse on a whim, picking and choosing what she wants to imitate.

“Is it better?” Hideki asks.

“Definitely crispier,” she replies, taking a loud, scrumptious bite.

Hideki is about to say something but gets a call, a portical game track humming. Based on his immediate pickup and cooing voice, I can tell it’s his girlfriend, Sango. He leaves to talk with her privately. She’s a year older than he and works at a literary bar to pay her bills so she can get another chance at the exams—her scores weren’t high enough to get into the university she wanted the first time around.

“You know what I’m most looking forward to?” Griselda asks me.

I shake my head.

“Home. I haven’t been back to Konigsbarg,” she says, pronouncing Konigsberg with her local accent, “in two years. I miss the veal meatballs. They put in a little touch of white pepper and anchovies. There’s nothing like them anywhere else. You should visit after graduation. I can show you around the city, and we can take a train to Berlin and visit the Adolph Hitler Plaza and the Fuehrer’s Tomb.”

The idea of visiting Hitler’s tomb, knowing all that he’s done against the Empire, isn’t that appealing to me. Before I can respond, Hideki gets back and is all smiles.

“How’s Sango?” I ask.

“I wasn’t talking to her,” he replies. Usually, he’ll elaborate, but he has a cryptic smile.

Griselda says, “Your portical ring is lame.”

“You’re just snobby about game music.”

“Snobby means I’m just saying it to say it. Mahler and Wagner are on a different level from your portical game composers,” Griselda affirms.

“They’re melodramatic, way too long, and put me to sleep every time.”

“What do you think?” Griselda asks me.

“I think I want to listen to some Cat Odyssey tracks,” I reply.

“Why do you despise portical musicians?” Hideki questions her. “They write songs that are moving and memorable.”

Griselda pulls out a chip covered in cheese. “The ‘great despisers are the great reverers,’” she quotes, taking a loud bite. “I revere music, which is why I’m so picky about it.”

They debate for a bit. My mind is on Odyssey. They sense it and release me with a laugh.

I return to late 1940s Los Angeles. Soseki has to make some tough choices. There’s rampant speculation that the American cats are getting desperate and are willing to do anything to defeat the Empire’s cats. I scout Los Angeles for clues about my enemy while getting used to the new cat quadruped controls, which are more complex than in previous games. A part of me wonders if these controls in any way mimic actual quad mechas.

Griselda taps me on the shoulder. “My cousin locked himself out of his apartment, so I’m going to head home. Don’t meow yourself to death.”

“Meow?” I reply.

It’s seven in the morning before I reach the next part of the quest. Hideki picks up a bowl of instant ramen and gets me the spicy seafood flavor I love. My teachers tell me I shouldn’t eat so much ramen because that’s what gives me all my pimples and my belly. But I’d rather be pimply and cart a little extra weight than give up my favorite noodles.

I have only an hour left before I have to head to school. But I want to finish up my current quest. I can catch up on sleep in math since our teacher doesn’t care what we do in class as long as we show up.

I enter an area where humans are blocking off access to restaurant trash. I’m required to defeat them so I can get the goods I need to feed my community. But my opponents are too fast, and I can’t combat them quickly enough. Even my special attacks fail to distract them, and one of the humans knocks me off my feet. They approach with knives and evil grins. I realize they’re going to eat me. I try to escape, but the screen goes blank after I get hit too many times.

“Fifth life over,” the screen tells me. I get nine lives, and as soon as I lose the ninth, I have to create a brand-new profile and surrender my cat soul to portical oblivion.

Hideki yells at me, “You suck, man! Can’t you beat those garbagemen?” He’s been watching my game.

“This part is impossible at my level. I should have powered up more.”

“You were just too slow. You need to work on your finger reflexes. At that speed, they’re going to eat you up for the official simulation.”

It makes me wonder if Rogue199 designed these cat battles with mecha combat in mind.

The special mecha simulation test, also heavily designed by Rogue199, is the exam the Berkeley Military Academy’s board is most interested in. The field test is based on one of our most deadly conflicts, the Dallas Incident of 1972.

Dallas Tokai was under attack by an unknown enemy, and the extent of the conflict was unknown to USJ Command. They sent three quad mechas, thinking it was a local incident. But the Germans had dispatched a legion of their biomechs. Of the three quad mechas that reported, only one returned. That was because the pilot fled the scene while the other two stayed behind to fight as they’d determined it was more important that one escape with the combat data the USJ could use to fight other biomechs. It was an honorable action that was forgiven by command, but she still felt disgraced for leaving her companions behind and put a knife through her throat.

For anyone who takes the test, the performance is judged by a panel. Since the parameters for the test change every time, it’s not so much seeing whether you succeed but rather testing the creativity in the way you respond. I’ve heard there are people who’ve failed to escape but been admitted to the Berkeley Military Academy, which raises my hopes. In the test, I’ll handle the main load of the simulation, though I’m required to bring one person as my wingmate. That person acts as a backup and gets a much simpler setup, which is why I’m relieved to have Hideki. I’ve never met anyone with quicker fingers. Except maybe Griselda. But she’s not allowed since she isn’t part of the Empire, and Hideki would never forgive me if I asked anyone else.

“Hate to break it to you, but there’s no way you’re getting into BEMA if you play that bad,” Hideki tells me.

I know he’s right, and that’s a big reason why I’ve been playing the sims here. But even those are said to be insufficient comparisons to the actual test, as there’s no official way to prepare for it. I sincerely hope that mastering the controls on Cat Odyssey is actually a good way to warm up for the test. “You shouldn’t have tried to fight the humans head-on,” he admonishes me, doing the small head shake he always does when he gets in his lecturing mood.

“What else was I supposed to do?”

“Change the battlefield or avoid the fight.”

“My community needed food,” I protest.

“And now you’re dead, so they won’t get it anyway.”

I’m too tired to argue with him, so I nod, and say, “We should get going.”

We’ve avoided corporal punishment for most of the year by being on time to class. Depending on the mood our homeroom teacher is, we can get it really bad or escape with just a few slaps. Hideki took a terrible beating last year when the teacher broke one of his ribs. He had a hard time breathing for half a year, anger in every breath as he swore, “I will get out of here and make them all regret the way they’ve treated us.”

It became the mantra by which he lived.

 

We all wear blue uniforms to school. The boys wear coats, buttoned white shirts, ties, and a whole lot of monotony. Swap out our pants for long skirts, and you have the female uniforms. We do our best to differentiate ourselves with custom straps on our bags and bright bands, but if anyone wears something that diverges too much from the standard, it gets confiscated.

After we arrive at school, we leave our shoes in small lockers and put on slippers. We head to the second floor, where our homeroom is located. Once the school bell rings, we stand up, put our right hands over our hearts, and state in unison: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Japan and to the Empire for which it stands, one nation under the Emperor, indivisible, with order and justice for all.”

An image of the Emperor in a dragon mask appears as a holograph in front of our classroom. We bow in respect for a full minute after we’ve recited the pledge. We spend another minute mentally thanking the Emperor for all he’s done for our people. A shortened version of the song, “Star Spangled Sun,” plays as tribute to all of those who’ve suffered and still fight to establish the Empire in all its glory. Hakko ichiu is the aim, having all the world under one roof.

Our homeroom class has twenty-eight students. We stay in the same room, and the teachers change with each new class, though there are electives that require some of us to walk to different rooms in the afternoon.

At lunch, Hideki asks what I’m doing. I lift up my portical and point to the commentary on the Imperial Rescript on Education (Kyoiku ni Kansuru Chokugo) for the exams. “Have fun,” he says nonchalantly, joining some of the seniors going off campus for lunch.

Griselda meets with her German contingent, who stick together during the forty-five-minute break. I head for some benches outside, lie down, and read the commentary, focused on the middle of the Rescript, discussing the maintenance of the prosperity of the Imperial Throne.

Across from me, also reading, is Noriko Tachibana. She is not only one of the smartest students in our year, but is from a family of prestigious imperial officers. Her grandfather flew Zeros, and both her parents were heroes in our proxy wars in Afghanistan. Noriko is at the top of our class. She also juggles numerous extra-S curricular activities like ice-skating, at which she is excellent, and is president of half a dozen academic clubs on campus. I’ve always admired her. She is reading a book—something by Fumiko Enchi. Noriko is of African descent, and her grandparents fought for the Empire against the horrors the Nazis were perpetrating.

“Hi, Mac,” she says to me when she notices my gaze.

“Hi, Nori.” I wave at her. She’s in our homeroom, and we’d been previously assigned together on three projects in which she took charge, leading us to get the top score.

“Did you know cats and dogs can see ultraviolet, but humans can’t?”

“I didn’t,” I confess.

“All mecha sensors detect visual wavelengths beyond the human eye,” she says. “Good luck on the test next week.”

“You too,” I say, and feel dumb because she doesn’t need luck— she always gets the highest score.

If she’s annoyed, she doesn’t show it and instead goes back to reading.

Right as lunch ends, an announcement on the speaker system informs us, “Please assemble in the field for an important meeting.”

All two thousand students line up outside, separated by homerooms. As seniors, we’re in the middle section up front. The flag bearer is holding the imperial flag, and the three next to her are carrying our school banner. Up front, the principal is very active, explaining something with overly exaggerated politeness to two officers. They nod in affirmation, and the principal points at us. Eventually, he introduces them on the speaker.

“This is Colonel Kita and Lieutenant Yukimura. They are heroes of the second San Diego Conflict and have honored us with their company.”
Colonel Kita is a tall woman with red hair and two sheathed swords on her belt. The lieutenant has a metal arm under his uniform and wears a beret rather than the traditional cap.

“Next week is an important week for all of you,” Colonel Kita states. “Many of you will have your futures determined by your imperial examination scores. There is no greater glory than serving your country through military service. I have served for two decades, and it is always humbling to realize the great responsibility thrust upon us. Not only are we protecting the United States of Japan, but we are preserving order and a way of life that is in harmony with the universe. How many of you plan on taking the military supplemental exams?”

A quarter of the students raise their hands. She asks the other students to applaud those who are striving to enter the military.

That’s when the ground shakes. I feel a flutter in my chest.
Could it be? The second tremor confirms it, and there are awed
gasps as we see the figure coming closer.

It is a mecha, shaped like a huge suit of samurai armor. Even though it’s bigger than the tallest building in Granada Hills, it’s much smaller than the Korosu class. From the looks of it, it’s a reconnaissance mecha, quick, stealthy, and hard to detect when it doesn’t want to be found. It’s sleek and has chest plates designed to deflect sensors or absorb their waves when that is impossible.

“This is the Taka,” the colonel says. “I have a crew of fourteen of the finest soldiers in the mecha corps. We have been serving together for the past three years, and we’ll be giving demonstrations for select cadets.”

The Taka stops right outside the school. Over the gate, I see the shin guard, the retractable knees, the searchlights in the hips, all culminating in the main armor shaped like a classical samurai’s haramaki-do. The separated plates are usually there to hide weapons and circuitry, as well as for ventilation purposes in case there is any overheating during combat. The reconnaissance mechas handle heat very well, though, and the purpose of the detached plates might be for a refractory effect, which is only rumored at, never confirmed. Some of the prototype mechas reportedly have a type of camouflage, similar to that on our cars, which makes them practically transparent when they need to be.

I’ve battled digital mechas in the simulation multiple times. But seeing them in real life is indescribable. I wonder if my parents felt the same sense of awe every time they got on board a mecha.

The two officers personally inspect us, walking down the aisles, asking each of us our names, and, “Which section are you testing for?”

Some answer navy, gaming division, etc. Eight students in my homeroom state their intent to apply for the mecha corps, which elicits pride in the officers. The colonel and lieutenant even know Noriko and greet her by name.

“Based on all we’ve heard, you’ll make your parents proud,” the colonel says.

“I hope so, ma’am,” Nori replies.

“I’ll personally be reviewing your sim test next week.”

They finally get to me, and the lieutenant asks, “Which unit are you aiming for?”

“Mecha corps,” I proudly answer, excited at the chance to meet a mecha pilot in person.

They both hesitate. Lieutenant Yukimara says firmly, “Our corps is one of the most difficult units to get into. Are you prepared?”

“Yes, sir.”

The lieutenant looks me up and down. “You don’t look like you’re in shape. Do you think we take just anyone in the corps?”

“N-no, sir.”

Based on his expression, the lieutenant is about to say something even harsher, but the colonel stops him. They move to the next student. I look down at my stomach. I’ve tried to control my eating, exercise as much as I can. But it’s been a tough year, and the best way to make myself feel better is a combination of coconut coffee, strawberry shortcake with chocolate crumbs, and shrimp chips.

The review is finished an hour later, and we’re allowed to approach the Taka. It is even more marvelous up close. The officers take Noriko and three other students into the mecha. I feel a pang of envy, but it also motivates me to work harder, so I’ll get my chance one day. When I’m back in my apartment thirty minutes later, I read up everything I can on reconnaissance mechas.

 

I share my small room with three others. I’m on the bunk bed in the upper-left side. We have concrete floors, which makes them too cold to walk on without socks. We don’t have climate control, so on some nights when it gets too hot, I’ll sleep on the ground to cool myself. Someone let a fly in, and it’s buzzing around. My three other roommates are out, probably studying at the library. I have several messages from Hideki, asking me to meet him at a nearby café to study. A part of me wants to start my new life on Cat Odyssey. But I promised no more gaming until after the exam. I message Hideki and tell him I’ll meet him there. I exit my apartment, go to the communal bathroom to wash up, and leave my building. The security guard is busy watching a dating show on his portical where people dress up as animals and spend time in zoos so people can gawk at them.

Hideki is at Penny’s, which is just two kilometers away. I pass by several carts selling udon and other nightly snacks for students. The smell of fish broth and tempura wafts past me, making me hungry. War orphans like me are given weekly stipends as part of a fund for children of veterans who passed away in battle. We’re also granted generous discounts on everything.

Penny’s Café is next to ten other coffee shops. The façade is a gigantic copper penny with the face of Abraham Lincoln, an old American warlord who savagely crushed a rebellion started by the southern half of the United States. Inside, the walls are covered with coins from foreign nations that joined the Empire, including a whole lot of American pennies.

Hideki is studying on his portical. Griselda is with some friends, but she waves at me when I enter and comes over.

I order a cup of coconut coffee and shrimp chips, then feel guilty as I recall the conversation with the officers. I’ll work on losing weight after the exam since I’ve read that caffeine is supposed to boost memory and I need a boost badly, as I have to memorize a million details about generals and battle dates. 1948, July 4, the USA becomes the USJ. 1950, September 9, Germany and Japan establish the Unity Zone (UZ) at Texas (though it would come to be called the Quiet Border by both sides). 1958, Germany launches a sneak attack on Texas, and a group of our mechas known as the Twelve Disciples stops them. I read about the Nazi attempt to create their own mechas and their desire to inject a biological component to them, resulting in the monstrosities known initially as the biomorphs and more recently as the biomechs. There are too many dates to remember.

“The mecha today was cool,” Hideki says. “You really think you’re going to get to pilot one?”

I tell the two of them about my short exchange with the officer.

Griselda smiles mischievously.

“What?” I ask.

“At least you made an impression.”

“A bad one,” I say.

She pokes me in my stomach. “They have a point. You wanna jog with me every morning?”

“I would if I could wake up.”

“Discipline,” she says. “I jog even if I haven’t slept the night before. Soldiers need to be in tip-top shape always.”

“After the exam, I’ll join you every morning.”

“I hate running,” Hideki groans. “No way I’m waking up at five in the morning to run.”

“You run at five every morning?” I ask her.

She nods. “Early bird rules all the worms.”

“Half the worms,” Hideki objects.

She laughs, eats one of her chocolates, specially branded as the United Chocolates of Japan from the best chocolate makers in the world, Menkes. “That one chocolate pretty much nullified jogging the last three mornings.”

“Was it worth it?” I ask her.

“Absolutely,” she answers. “Want one?”

I get to studying with Hideki after drinking some milk chocolate. Some students have turned on the popular show, Drink Don’t Die, which is a competition to get as drunk as possible and brave dangerous obstacle courses.

“Look at this guy!” Griselda says to us.

We watch her screen. A man is sucking his thumb and rolling on the ground, acting like a baby and screaming at everyone around him. All three of us laugh at his preposterous performance as we switch the camera angles, zoom in and out, then rate his likability factor.

The show cuts away, and broadcasters inform us they’ve arrested three new members of the National Revolutionaries of America (NARA). They’re a fringe terrorist group who believe America should become independent again. A city official thanks the local police, and broadcasters reveal they were trying to perpetrate an attack at a sumo-wrestling match. Griselda and Hideki are annoyed that their show has been interrupted.

I remember a few years ago I was at the Gogo Arcade when the George Washingtons released their game, the USA. Gamers took interest for a short time, but the controls were too clunky, and the whole scenario, where America won the Pacific War, was too implausible to take seriously. I’ve been reading and rereading that history for the exam, so I know we had all the resources of Asia and Europe behind us. Plus, we had nuclear weapons. What could the American forces do? Still, USA became popular just because it was forbidden and for a while, it was all the rage until the Liquid Gear games came out a few months later to critical acclaim (I was addicted to each game) and Cat Odyssey after that.

We notice there is a commotion in the room. Everyone is staring at their porticals. On the wall display, there is footage of a huge fire. Someone turns up the volume.

“—from the Rio Grande. There are still unconfirmed reports that—” I don’t wait for the broadcaster. I flip open my portical and read the California Nippon News.

“Attack on the Texas Sonic Line,” the headline reads.

One of our trains has been attacked, and there are only eleven survivors, but they’re not expected to make it through the night. No one knows who the culprits are. Footage from a security recording of the explosion plays. The bullet train, or Shinkansen, is going at the speed of sound when, suddenly, birds scatter from a tree. I don’t see anything that could have caused the motion, but then, the second car in the train is crushed down as though something hammered it. The back of the train slams into the second car, and a pileup ensues as the rest of the train derails. The earlier arrest of the NARA members makes me wonder if the two events are somehow connected.

“They should require all the terrorists they capture to go on Drink Don’t Die,” Griselda grumbles.

Try as hard as I can, it’s hard for me to get back to studying. I have this terrible habit of imagining people’s last moments as they die. Those people in the train were most likely on their porticals, having no idea their lives were going to be snuffed out. Maybe dining on a bento box, some of the older generation listening to an old Enka ballad, then blink and gone.

“Excuse me, everyone.” The manager of the café is at the central platform and bows. “I’m very sorry. The local police have requested all public places close immediately and that students return home as quickly as possible.” This would feel less surreal if he wasn’t wearing a big penny hat and a baldric of pennies over his shoulder.

We pack our stuff and walk out. Griselda lives in the opposite direction from us, and I offer to walk her home.

“Who says USJ men aren’t chivalrous?” she asks. She holds both our arms, and says, “But I should actually be offering to walk both of you home as you’ll need my protection in case the bad guys attack.”

“What’s that mean?” Hideki asks.

She puts both her fists up. “It means I’d love to punch out some of those terrorists. Stick and move, Mac, stick and move. You don’t know how much destruction they’re causing in the Reich.” She grins at both of us. “Don’t worry about me. Just get yourselves home safely. Jaa ne.”

She skips away.

“Want to play Cat Odyssey tonight?” Hideki asks.

“But the Gogo Arcade—”

“Never closes.”

I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway.

 

It’s almost morning, and I’ve made headway with multiple quests. I’m about to log off when three older gamers approach me, and say, “Time to quit the game and make room for the pros.”

I’m about to tell them I’m almost done, but they shut off my game before I can save my progress. “What the hell?” I exclaim. “I didn’t save yet.”

“You got a problem, kid?”

“It’s time for school. Get out of here.”

They’re too big for me to challenge, but I’m still pissed they didn’t let me save my game. Before I can say anything, Hideki pulls me away.

I want to protest, but Hideki asks me to give him my portical, which I do. He connects it to his own, hands it back to me a minute later. Behind us, the three have started their game of Cat Odyssey. Hideki asks me to activate a program. I recognize it as a type of kikkai disruptor, which locks onto the portical links of the three who took over my stall.

“Push the button,” he tells me.

I do, and a surge hits their porticals, disrupting their connections. They can’t connect with the arcade. I hear them yelling, frustrated.

“How long does it last?”

“Could be permanent, could be a few days, depending on their skill level.” Hideki laughs. “I developed it because too many people tried to bully me off my games.”

“You use it a lot?”

“All the time. I’ve put it on your portical, so you can use it whenever you want. Best thing is, it works on any portical.” He demonstrates on a few others and laughs when he sees that mayhem ensues.

Typical Hideki.

We head for school but arrive at the subway station a minute late. The train has already taken off. We wait on a bench. Hideki falls asleep on my shoulder and snores. I wake him when spit from his mouth is about to drop onto my shoulder.

“Why you wake me up?” Hideki asks, irritated.

“You were snoring.”

He rubs his face, gets the discharge out of his eyes with his middle finger. “I just had this dream that I was in a city full of prehistoric supermosquitoes that hunted everyone down so they could suck their blood.”

“Sounds juicy,” I mutter back.

The train arrives, and we hop aboard. On the portical displays on the subway walls, California Nippon News gives updates on the Rio Grande situation. I’m relieved to see Colonel Yamaoka, one of our war heroes from San Diego.

“It’s still too early to determine what happened,” he states. “We’re investigating, but we won’t be giving any updates until we know what happened.”

“Is there a link to the NARA?” a reporter asks.

“At the moment, we’re not sure.”

“Is there a possibility this could mean the reemergence of the George Washingtons?”

Colonel Yamaoka shakes his head, and the gesture carries gravity as he helped us vanquish them. “Intelligence reports indicate that the last of the George Washingtons were eliminated in the second San Diego Conflict.”

“Has there been any comment from the German embassy?”

The Rio Grande is located at the Quiet Border, where our two empires meet.

“They’ve expressed their condolences and have offered their assistan—”

All of a sudden, the train comes to a stop. I look around and see fear in everyone’s eye, the same impulse that’s swelling up inside me. Is something happening? Are we under attack? I want to get out, break the window if I can escape. But there’s nowhere to go. One man yells, “Why aren’t we moving?”

My throat feels acutely dry. The news broadcaster is still de-S scribing the Rio Grande. It would be so unfair if this is the way things end.

The train stutters, then continues as though nothing happened. All of us hold our breaths, unsure what’s going on. When we actually arrive at the next stop, I breathe in relief, grateful that I’m alive.

I wake Hideki up. “Are we there yet?” he asks.

“One stop away,” I answer. I feel stupidly nervous about the train. “Do you mind if we walk the rest of the way?”

He shrugs. “Sure.”

We arrive at school fifteen minutes late, causing us to miss the morning pledge. I feel bad and am ready to apologize on both our behalves. Our homeroom teacher, Joshuyo-san, is waiting.

“Why are you tardy today?” he angrily demands.

“I’m sorry, sir,” I say and bow. “It was my fault. There was a problem on the subway, and—”

“Hideki! Why are you late?” our teacher asks, ignoring my answer.

“Because we decided to walk instead of taking the subway,” Hideki truthfully answers, which surprises me. There is a hint of insolence in his voice, which our teacher immediately catches. Ever since Joshuyo-san beat him last year for tardiness, there’s been a palpable tension between the two.

“Why’s that?”

“I wanted fresh air.”

“You wanted fresh air?” He nods and seems accepting until he strikes both of us in the mouth with his fist. “This is your last week before the imperial exam, and you want fresh air! What would your parents think? They sacrificed their lives in San Diego so you could live!” he yells in front of the whole class. “Hands out!” He is going to make an example out of us. “Hands out!”

We raise our hands, palms up. Our teacher uses a thick metal stick and beats down as hard as he can. I yell out loud, knowing he wants to hear us cry. When it comes to Hideki, there is a loud slap.

But Hideki doesn’t make a noise. The teacher doesn’t like that and strikes his hands again. This time, Hideki smirks at him. Has he lost his mind? Joshuyo-san is furious, and asks, “Do you find this amusing?”

“No, sir,” Hideki replies.

Our teacher strikes Hideki’s face with the ruler, but Hideki refuses to stop smirking. Joshuyo-san throttles his neck and throws
him to the ground.

“I will beat you until you learn respect,” he says.

Hideki tries to kick the teacher away, which infuriates him more. There is nothing that riles him up more than resistance. He flings his arms at Hideki. It’s pointless fighting against the teacher—what rights and protections do we have as orphans? I want to urge Hideki to let it pass, but he’s having none of it.

“What about respect for my parents?” Hideki protests. “Our parents made the ultimate sacrifice, and this is the way you treat us! We’re the ones who have to pay because of their stupid decision to die for the Empire!”

I can feel years of frustration flooding out of him as I too wonder about their decision. I admire Hideki’s guts for standing up for himself, even if I know what’s coming. Our homeroom teacher’s face has turned apoplectic, and his fists come down hard on Hideki. All Hideki has to do is pretend to be penitent, ask for forgiveness, and it’d be over. But he refuses and gets a flurry of kicks as his penance.

Hideki is gasping, pain printed on his face. But he won’t give in and seems to be daring the teacher to beat him to death. I can’t stand it anymore. I get up and rush to block the teacher.

“Joshuyo-san, please,” I plead, trying to stop him.

“Get your hands off me!” he roars, and punches me in the shoulder. “You think you’re so tough!”

“No, sir,” I say. “I’m sorry, sir.”

His fury is being redirected toward me as he pushes me against the wall. He punches my belly and throws me to the ground. It will hurt, but I know that as long as I keep apologizing— His shoe comes directly at my mouth, and my teeth shake at the impact. I can smell blood coating my gums. I fight against tears. I won’t cry in front of him again as I did in past beatings.

“I’m sorry, sir, it’s my fault, sir,” I repeat several times.

I can only hope his anger will abate. But he’s just getting more violent. “Neither of you deserve the mercy the Empire has shown you!”

“Joshuyo-san!” Griselda calls out.

Our teacher looks up at her. “What is it?” He is more attentive to her as she’s an international exchange student.

“I’m not feeling well. Permission to go to the nurse’s office.”

“You have permission!” he orders.

“I need help getting there, sir,” she says, and bows. “Sumimasen.”

He’s about to order someone to help her, but we both get up and escort her.

“Thanks for saving us,” I tell her, when we get outside the class.

“Why’d you get here so late?” she asks. “You know how he is about that.”

“I got nervous,” I say, and explain about the train stop.

Hideki’s face is covered with blood, and he states, “I’ll be outside.”

He leaves without waiting for our reply. I escort Griselda to the nurse for her “visit.” She reminds me, “It’s only a few more weeks, and you can wave bye to this school forever.”

I leave and find Hideki in the main field. He’s smoking defiantly, a snarl forming with every puff.

“Why didn’t you just apologize?” I ask.

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That’s not the point.”

“It is,” he says.

“All he cares about is our showing up on time, so he doesn’t lose face,” I explain, hoping to make it seem less personal. “Keep good general attendance, and he gets his bonus.”

“All our pain so he can get a thousand extra yen? For what? His girlfriend? His dog?”

When he puts it like that, it sounds so dehumanizing.

“I have something I want to ask you,” he says. “Don’t get upset.”

“Why would I get upset?”

He pulls on the lower half of his cheek with his fingers, his instinctive gesture when he is getting serious. “I’m sick of this life, and I know I’m not going to do well on the exams. I’ve failed all the preliminary tests. If I fail this time, they’re going to force me to wait another year to retake the exam. I can’t take this kind of treatment anymore.”

“We just gotta study hard for the next week, and we’re going to rock the mecha sim test next week.”

Hideki shakes his head. “Who are you kidding?” He sighs. “I’ve always dreamt of making games. You’ve always wanted to be a mecha pilot. What if I told you there was a guaranteed way to make it happen?”

“There are no guarantees.”

“Be realistic. We both know there’s no way in the world you’re getting into BEMA. And that means you’re not going to pilot a mecha.”

“Thanks for your confidence.”

“Don’t be naive,” he says. “Even with another year, our scores will probably get worse. I’ve seen how much Sango struggles to pay her bills. She knows her score isn’t going up since she has no time to study.”

“What do you want to do?” I ask.

“We have a chance if we use this,” Hideki says, holding up his portical.

I don’t see anything special about it. “What is that?”

“It’s a program I found on the kikkai. An adaptor to feed into the test.”

“Any adaptor you use will be tracked by the school,” I say. Schools lock down on students during exam week, taking their porticals away to prevent any form of cheating. “There’s no way you’re going to get it past the encryption, either.”

“This guy I met has a way.”

“What way?”

“I can’t talk about it yet. I just want to know, do you want in?”

“Wait, what are you saying?” I ask.

“Do you want a guaranteed way of accessing all the answers for the exam?”

I can’t believe he’s seriously suggesting this. “Are you joking?”

“Never been more serious.”

“What’s this guy want in return?” I ask.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” I laugh skeptically. Someone offers to help us cheat and doesn’t want anything back? My internal alarms were suspicious before and are blaring now.

“Well, something, but later, down the line.”

“What’s that something?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care.” He puts out the last part of his cigarette. “You don’t have to decide now. Just think about it and let me know later this week.”

“What if we get caught?”

“It won’t be any different if we fail.”

“But—”

“I’ve already made my decision. Think about it and tell me if you’re in or not,” he says, cutting me off. “See you later.” He bolts.

What would I do if I failed the exam and didn’t get into any university? That I don’t have an alternative scares me.

Excerpted from Mecha Samurai Empire, copyright © Peter Tieryas, 2018

Mark Hamill, Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, and More: Amazing Photos from 40 Years of Forbidden Planet

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Famed comics and geek retailer Forbidden Planet is turning 40! On August 11, the iconic British comics shop and event space will celebrate the big day with a party featuring prizes, cake and more. Possibly even better? They’ve released a lovely treasure trove of photos from the store’s history, featuring special (adorable) appearances by a young Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, Mark Hamill, Douglas Adams, and more!

If you’re going to be in London, you can find the official party business here. But if you can’t make the trip, never fear! You can also download a free archive of forty years of Forbidden Planet signings, book events, and general celebration.

We’re excited to share a sampling of their photo archive below. All photos care of Forbidden Planet (London) Ltd. (Click any image to enlarge.)

 

Douglas Adams
(Denmark Street, August 1982)

Angela Carter
(Denmark Street, September 1984)

Will Eisner
(Denmark Street, June 1980)

Neil Gaiman
(New Oxford Street, October 1988)

H.R. Giger
(Denmark Street, September 1979)

Mark Hamill
(Denmark Street, May 1980)

Stephen King
(Denmark Street, May 1983)

Stan Lee
(New Oxford Street, April 1987)

Alan Moore and Ian Gibson
(Denmark Street, November 1986)

Anne McCaffrey
(Denmark Street, October 1983)

Nichelle Nichols
(New Oxford Street, February 1995)

Sir Terry Pratchett
(New Oxford Street, November 1988)

 

Setting the Mood in Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?

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I’ve never liked Blade Runner. I know it’s innovative, I know it’s been imitated by countless other movies (I’ve seen at least a dozen of them) but I’ve never been able to forgive it for cutting out the beating heart of the novel on which it was based.

Gone is Rick Deckard leafing through his Sidney’s catalogue and gazing through the windows of pet shops. Gone is the electric sheep, and all the other animals which sometimes seem real but then turn out to be electric too. Gone too is the religion of Mercerism, whose central story is exposed by androids as a blatant fake, and yet continues to be true in a way that androids simply can’t comprehend—and gone is the subtlety of that whole paradox about truth which is so central to Dick’s vision. And where is the Ajax model Mountibank Lead Codpiece? Where is the counterpart of Dick’s lovely prose, sometimes rushed and careless, but always muscular and vivid? And above all, where is the humour, the humour and the good humour, that characterises Dick’s work? In their place—what? The lazy sentimentality of ‘attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion’?

Yes, sentimentality. Sentimentality is not a particular kind of emotion, but emotion of any kind that’s triggered rather than truly earned. Unearned darkness can be as sentimental as sugary sweetness. Dick earns his darkness by not wallowing in it—we only wallow in fake darkness—but rather by fighting it all the time with humour and Quixotic hope: Deckard outside the petshop in a dying world, dreaming of a real sheep.

The book is full of delights, but one of my favourite parts is the opening passage, four pages long, in which Rick Deckard and his wife Iran are arguing about the Penfield Mood Organ as they get up in the morning. The Mood Organ is a device with which, by punching in a number, a human user can instantly alter his or her mood. Deckard routinely sets it to have him get up in a cheerful mood, and advises his wife to do the same. Her objection to this is almost exactly the same as my objection above to sentimentality. Emotions need to be earned. She tells her husband that her mood organ schedule for the day includes a “six-hour self-accusatory depression” and when Deckard asks her why on Earth anyone would want to schedule that, she argues that it’s healthy to feel emotions that are congruent with the situation you find yourself in: in their case a poisoned and depopulated world. In fact, she tells him, she has programmed the organ to plunge her into despair twice a month.

“But a mood like that,” Rick said, “you’re apt to stay in it, not dial your way out…”

“I program an automatic resetting for three hours later,” his wife said sleekly. “A 481. Awareness of the manifold possibilities open to me in the future: new hope that—”

“I know 481,” he interrupted. He had dialed out the combination many times; he relied on it greatly.

Without reproducing the whole passage, I can’t convey just how funny it is. Among the other settings they discuss are 888, “the desire to watch TV, no matter what’s on it” and 3, which stimulates the cerebral cortex into wanting to dial.

What is so amazing, though, about this as an opening, is that it really oughtn’t to work at all. The mood organ plays no part in the story, and is never mentioned again. It is also wildly implausible, raising all kinds of questions which are never answered. And it doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the invented world of the book. In fairness to Blade Runner, you can also see perfectly well why it didn’t make it into the film. It’s not just that it wouldn’t fit in with “attack ships on fire,” you wouldn’t think that it would fit in either with Dick’s own descriptions of the novel’s world (the part of the book to which the film is most faithful):

Silence. It flashed from the woodwork and the walls; it smote him with an awful, total power, as if generated by a vast mill. It rose from the floor, up out of the tattered gray wall-to-wall carpeting. It unleashed itself from the broken and semi-broken appliances in the kitchen, the dead machines which hadn’t worked in all the time Isidore had lived there. From the useless pole lamp in the living room it oozed out, meshing with the empty and wordless descent of itself from the fly-specked ceiling…

This incongruence means that, by conventional SF standards, Dick’s world-building is poor. He moves from ridiculous comedic inventions like this, to bleak naturalistic descriptions like the one above. He doesn’t make everything consistent or plausible, or deal with glaring unanswered questions. And yet somehow it works.

How? Well if I really knew, I would try and emulate it, but I think part of the secret is that the characters are consistent throughout. They’re not cardboard cut-outs, but ordinary, flawed human beings, and, as I’ve already mentioned, they don’t give way to grandiose despair, but keep bumbling along, as we all do, with the help of unlikely props like Mercerism and electric animals. (What are your props? Are they any less absurd?) And this allows us to see that, ramshackle though Dick’s invented worlds may be at a surface level, they are at another level more realistic than many more consistent and carefully thought-through ones. In real life, we do move constantly from the comic to the tragic. We are surrounded by things that are inexplicable and absurd, and most of the time we don’t even notice it.

As to the Mood Organ scene, it works as a kind of overture. It’s not part of the plot—except insofar as we learn a few things during it about Rick’s work and his marriage with Iran—but the argument between Rick and Iran sets the scene for the entire book. There is no such thing as a Mood Organ in reality, but it’s a fact that our entire perspective on the world can be changed by chemicals, by whether the sun is shining, by how long it is since we’ve eaten. (One study, for instance, showed that judges granted parole in 65% of cases heard immediately after lunch, but hardly any at all immediately before it.) All this being so, what exactly is the difference between a human being and a machine?

This article was originally published in May 2015 as part of our Writers on Writing series.

Chris Beckett is a university lecturer living in Cambridge, England. His short stories have appeared in such publications as Interzone and Asimov’s Science Fiction and in numerous “year’s best” anthologies. He is the author of the Eden Trilogy, and his latest short fiction collection, Spring Tide, is published by Atlantic Books.

The Hard Working Horses of Epic Fantasy

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Who works harder in a fantasy novel than the trusty and ubiquitous horse?

I have my favorites. I invite you all to tell us about yours in the comments.

Light spoilers for The Lord of the Rings and HBO’s Game of Thrones.

So, to begin, here are three fantasy worlds and the horses whose labor helps to keep them running (and traveling and fighting and hauling and plowing and…):

 

Andre Norton’s Witch World

Illustration by Laurence Schwinger

Horses in the Witch World are mostly transportation, and almost never individuals. But I have to give props to the rare and unusual breed ridden by the Wereriders.

The common or garden variety of horse cannot tolerate the presence of a Were, as poor misplaced Kethan learns all too quickly in The Jargoon Pard. Clearly horses are picking up the presence of the predator behind the human guise, and they’re not having any.

The Weres’ mounts are different. They’re built differently, and their brindle coloring is distinctive. And most important of all, they don’t mind being ridden by beings who can transform into their natural enemies.

Yes, yes, one of the Weres takes stallion form, but stallions are the enforcers of the horse world, and can be quite aggressive. Add the peculiar magic and the air of otherness that goes along with being a shapeshifter, and you’ve still got a combination of signals that says to a horse, Danger. Run Away.

So Weres are best served by their own breed, which does not share the instincts or the reactivity of the rest of the species. They serve well and with minimal fanfare, and I wish we knew more about them. As, you know, one (if one is a horse person) does.

 

The Lord of the Rings

Tolkien was not a horseman that I know of; he certainly wasn’t noted for his real-world interactions with the species. And yet he paid attention to them. He gave them names and personalities. He populated his world with different breeds and types. They were more than mechanisms to move people and armies from place to place; they were characters in their own right.

The big blazing star of the epic of course is Shadowfax, the King of the Mearas, which essentially makes him the ruler of the horses of the West. He’s a classic fantasy horse: pure white, royal, exceedingly intelligent, with endless stamina and world-beating speed. And of course, no mere mortal may touch him. He’s a one-Wizard horse, and he and Gandalf are partners through the War of the Ring.

At the other end of the noble-hero spectrum is good old Bill the Pony. He’s a rescue, saved from an abusive owner by Sam Gamgee (who is the same kind of homespun hero), and in his way, he’s as valuable to the story as Shadowfax. He serves as pack pony for the Fellowship, and has to be abandoned outside of Moria—but being a smart and practical pony, he finds his way to Tom Bombadil’s stable, and Tom sells him back to a much better owner in Bree. In the end, he and Sam are reunited, and we can presume he lives out his life as Sam’s friend and regular mount.

These aren’t the only named horses in the books. Glorfindel, the High Elf who helps to rescue Frodo from the Black Riders, rides the Elf-horse Asfaloth, who clearly has powers of his own. (I wonder if Elf-horses are immortal, too?) And Tom Bombadil has a whole herd of ponies led by the somewhat insultingly named Fatty Lumpkin.

And of course there are Hasufel and Arod, the horses of Rohan given by Eomer to Aragorn and Legolas. They’re quietly there through much of the story, though Hasufel slides from sight after the Dunedain arrive with Aragorn’s own horse, Roheryn. Arod continues to carry Legolas and the very unwilling Gimli, all the way through to the harbors of Umbar. Then I hope he’s taken care of and returned home to Rohan, though we aren’t told what becomes of him.

Most of these don’t make it into the films, or aren’t named when they appear, but in the extended versions more than the theatrical releases, there’s sturdy and loyal Brego, who had been Theoden’s son’s horse before he was killed, and whom Aragorn claimed for himself in Edoras. Brego rescues Aragorn after the Warg-rider attack, which is excellent service in any universe. (And actor Viggo Mortensen bought him after the films wrapped, which has always made me happy.)

Finally, let’s give a moment’s thought (and prayer) to the horses of the Nazgul, who like Norton’s Were-mounts are distinctively able to tolerate riders who would drive any other horse mad with fear. That’s heroism of a quiet and terrible kind.

 

Game of Thrones

I’m referencing the television series here; I confess I’ve only read part of the first book. There aren’t any named horses that I’ve observed (though I gather they exist in the books), but the series is still full of horses-as-subtle-characters. Horse people notice; it’s a thing.

Khal Drogo’s wedding gift to Dany: In the books I hear she’s named The Silver, and she doesn’t drop dead the way she does in the series. I’m glad about that. She doesn’t get much air time, but she’s lovely and she says a lot about how the Khal feels about his new wife.

Ser Loras Tyrell’s mare and the Mountain’s stallion: Ouch. Evil trick on Loras’ part, and graphic demonstration that the Mountain has serious anger-management issues. I will note that while tempting a stallion with a mare in heat can work, [a] a properly trained war stallion will have learned to control himself regardless of his hormonal status, so this is a poor reflection on both his trainer and his rider, and [b] the mare would telegraph her own status for the whole world to see, by standing at the end of the lists, throwing her tail up over her back, squatting, and peeing a river at the stallion. With probable sexy sound effects.

Normally I’d say this would be problematical on screen, but this is premium cable and very little else has been left to the imagination. Missed opportunity here.

Jaime Lannister’s white charger: He will do anything for his rider, and in the end he does, in a crazy, suicidal charge against the biggest of all big predators. R.I.P.

With brief salute to the next horse Jaime is seen riding, a rather nice Friesian. (We will not discuss here why this breed is not one I’d choose for a long journey in winter. It’s the optics that count. Black horse, white landscape. Hokay. Also perhaps some symbolism in the shift from white horse to black, but that remains to be seen.)

Uncle Benjen’s horse: First seen carrying the Stark kids’ favorite uncle. Later seen coming back to Castle Black minus his rider. Much later, seen again, more than once, with Undead Benjen, or is it a different horse? And is it alive? Or undead? Last seen in a desperate last-ditch rescue, with one final dramatic return to the Wall. That horse gets around.

They’re dead and presumably long past caring, but the White Walkers’ mounts have a lot of work to do out there in the ice and snow, packing their riders from one end of a large land mass to the other, and doing it at the same funereal pace regardless of where or when they are or who is charging against them.

And last but far from least, a tip of the helmet to the mule pulling the Wight wagon. This tidy, shiny, well-kept equid joins the Were-horses and the Nazgul mounts on the roster of horses doing their job against all their natural instincts, hitched to a cart carrying an existential horror, and barely turning a long elegant ear. Respect.

 

And that’s my shortlist of favorite working fantasy horses (and mule). I’d love to hear about yours.

This article was originally published in September 2017.

Judith Tarr is a lifelong horse person. She supports her habit by writing works of fantasy and science fiction as well as historical novels, many of which have been published as ebooks by Book View Cafe. Her most recent short novel, Dragons in the Earth, features a herd of magical horses, and her space opera, Forgotten Suns, features both terrestrial horses and an alien horselike species (and space whales!). She lives near Tucson, Arizona with a herd of Lipizzans, a clowder of cats, and a blue-eyed dog.

Reductio Ad Absurdum — Watchmen

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Charlton Comics was never one of the heavy hitters of the comics industry, but the company had a long and respectable run as a publisher from the end of World War II until the early 1980s. They had a reputation as a “minor league” comics company, as a lot of people who became well regarded artists for Marvel and DC started out doing work for Charlton: Steve Ditko, Sal Trapani, John Byrne, Roger Stern, Denny O’Neil, Jim Aparo, Sam Grainger, Bob Layton, and Mike Zeck, among many others.

In response to both DC and Marvel reviving the superhero comic book in the late 1950s and early 1960s, Charlton created their own superhero line, including Captain Atom, Blue Beetle, the Question, the Peacemaker, Nightshade, and Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt. That line eventually petered out, and Charlton did mostly licensed comics in the 1970s.

This all relates to Watchmen, trust me.

By 1983, Charlton was in deep financial trouble. Their printing presses were old and worn out, and they didn’t have the money to do maintenance. They started running contests for new writers and artists, ostensibly to foster new talent, but truly because they didn’t have to pay them as much.

In an attempt to infuse some cash into the company, Charlton sold all their superhero characters to DC. Around the same time, Alan Moore—who was one of DC’s top writers—was looking to do something similar to what he did with Marvelman: take an old defunct superhero line and redo it in a more realistic setting. The notion was to deconstruct superheroes, in a way, to more closely yoke them to the real world and truly think through the consequences of what it would mean if people dressed up in silly outfits and fought crime.

His starting point was a murder. The initial pitch was for Archie Comics’s Mighty Crusaders, and then he adapted it to the Charlton characters when he learned that DC had bought them up. Dick Giordano, DC’s executive editor and the former managing editor at Charlton, ultimately rejected the idea, preferring that Moore create new characters.

Moore met him halfway and simply redid the existing Charlton characters. Captain Atom became Dr. Manhattan, Blue Beetle became Nite Owl, the Question became Rorschach, the Peacemaker became the Comedian, Nightshade became Silk Spectre, and Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt became Adrian Veidt, Ozymandias. Meanwhile, the originals were all incorporated into the DC Universe after 1985’s Crisis on Infinite Earths miniseries, many of them becoming major characters in the DC pantheon. (After the Watchmen trade paperback came out, Denny O’Neil and Denys Cowan did a delightful issue of The Question in which the title character reads the book and finds himself taking a shine to the Rorschach character—who was, of course, based on the Question.)

Moore collaborated with artist Dave Gibbons on Watchmen, a twelve-issue miniseries that took the world by storm. Superhero stories have always taken place in our world, just happening to have these costumed heroes and villains in it. Watchmen took a more aggressive look at what having such people in the world would actually mean to the world. In particular, if there was a superman, if there was a person who could change the course of mighty rivers, as it were, what would it do to the socio-political landscape?

As the miniseries went on, the plot almost became secondary to the examination of the history of superhero-dom through flashbacks and back matter; to the in-depth characterization, examining the psychology of a person who would dress up in a costume and beat up bad guys (or be the bad guy beaten up); and the changes to the shape of the world.

The back matter was a particularly amusing development, as originally Moore wrote up the excerpt from the original Nite Owl’s autobiography Under the Hood as something to put in the first three issues in lieu of a letters page, which would then start with the fourth issue, as the letters for #1 would have come in by then. But the Under the Hood excerpts proved so popular that Moore wound up continuing doing such pieces—an article on Dr. Manhattan, an interview with the first Silk Spectre, etc.—throughout the whole series. And they’re some of the most compelling stuff in the miniseries, in truth, adding texture to the world.

The film rights to Watchmen were purchased in 1988 along with Moore’s V for Vendetta, and it then went through the textbook definition of development hell. It hopped from 20th Century Fox to Warner Bros. to Universal to Revolution Studios to Paramount and back to Warner. Among the names attached to write or direct: Sam Hamm (who wrote the 1989 Batman), Terry Gilliam (who later declared the graphic novel to be “unfilmable”) and Charles McKeown, Michael Bay, Darren Aronofsky, Tim Burton, Paul Greengrass, and others. However, one constant throughout most of this was a script by David Hayter, who retained credit even on the final version that was released to theatres in 2009, though Hayter’s script had the present-day portions in an early-21st-century setting.

After going through eighty bajillion directors, Zack Snyder was approached on the strength of his adaptation of Frank Miller’s 300. Snyder had pretty much used Miller’s comic as the storyboard for the film, and he did the same for this, with Alex Tse rewriting Hayter’s screenplay. (Among other things, Tse re-set the present-day portions in 1985, leaning into the Cold War tensions that were part of everyday life when Moore wrote it.)

Snyder and his casting people did a fine job finding the right actors for the comics roles. In particular, Jackie Earle Haley, Billy Crudup, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan look like they were drawn by Dave Gibbons when they play Rorschach, Dr. Manhattan, and the Comedian, respectively. In addition, Malin Åkerman and Carla Gugino play the two Silk Spectres, Patrick Wilson and Stephen McHattie play the two Nite Owls, and Matthew Goode plays Ozymandias. Plus, the secondary roles are a veritable who’s-who of Canadian thespians: besides McHattie, there’s Matt Frewer, Jay Brazeau, Niall Matter, Robert Wisden, Chris Gauthier, Alessandro Juliani, Fulvio Cecere, Rob LaBelle, Frank Cassini, Sonya Salomaa, and Garry Chalk, among others.

Gibbons consulted on the film while Moore refused to have anything to do with it, taking neither money nor credit. He did read Hayter’s original screenplay (written in 2001) and said it was as close as anyone could come to making a Watchmen film, but that he wouldn’t be seeing it.

The graphic novel has never not been in print since its initial release in 1987 following the final issue of the miniseries, and sales and interest spiked when this movie came out in 2009, leading DC to create an entire series of “Before Watchmen” prequel comics, and later incorporating the Watchmen characters into the DC universe.

 

“This is all a joke”

Watchmen
Written by David Hayter and Alex Tse
Directed by Zack Snyder
Produced by Lawrence Gordon and Lloyd Levin and Deborah Snyder
Original release date: March 6, 2009

It’s 1985. Edward Blake, a.k.a. the Comedian, sits watching the news in his high-rise apartment in New York, as they discuss the possibility of the Soviet Union invading Afghanistan, including footage of President Richard Nixon, now in his fifth term, posturing.

Someone breaks into Blake’s apartment. Blake seems to have expected him, and after a brutal fight, the assailant tosses Blake out a window to his death.

The opening credits show the history of superhero-dom, starting with a bunch of people in the late 1930s becoming costumed vigilantes. The Minute Men include Nite Owl, the Comedian, Silk Spectre, Hooded Justice, Silhouette, Mothman, Dollar Bill, and Captain Metropolis. A World War II fighter plane has Silk Spectre painted on the hull, while after V-J Day, Silhouette, rather than a sailor, kisses a woman in Times Square. Silhouette is later found murdered with her lover, “WHORE” written in blood over their bed. Dollar Bill is shot and killed when his cape is caught in a revolving door, while Mothman is institutionalized. We see Dr. Manhattan, a large blue superhero, shaking hands with President Kennedy, and then the Comedian on the grassy knoll shooting Kennedy in Dallas. Another gathering of heroes, this time with a new Nite Owl and a new Silk Spectre (the original’s daughter, Laurie), along with Ozymandias, Dr. Manhattan, and Rorschach, called the Watchmen. We see Ozymandias, a.k.a. Adrian Veidt, going into Studio 54 in New York, and also riots in the streets.

Cops investigate the Blake crime scene. Rorschach shows up later, and finds the secret closet with all his Comedian gear. Fearing that someone is targeting masked heroes, Rorschach goes to inform his remaining colleagues, starting with Dan Dreiberg, the second Nite Owl, who’s just home from his weekly beer-and-bull session with Hollis Mason, the first Nite Owl. After Rorschach tells Dreiberg about Blake, Rorschach goes to the Rockefeller Military Base to tell Dr. Manhattan and Laurie, while Dreiberg tells Veidt. As it happens, Manhattan already knew, and he teleports Rorschach away because he’s upsetting Laurie. Laurie, however, is still upset, as Manhattan is barely even noticing her anymore.

She and Dreiberg go to dinner to catch up. Afterward, Dreiberg, Manhattan, and Veidt attend Blake’s funeral, while Manhattan teleports Laurie to California to visit her mother at the retirement home. Sally Jupiter feels bad about Blake’s death, which disgusts Laurie, given that he raped her, an event we see in flashbacks. We get a series of other flashbacks through the characters at the funeral: Veidt remembers their attempt to form the Watchmen, when Blake ridicules the notion. Manhattan recalls their fighting together in Vietnam, with Manhattan’s powers allowing the U.S. to win the war handily; afterward, a woman pregnant with Blake’s baby confronts him, attacking him with a broken bottle, and Blake shoots her while Manhattan watches. Dreiberg recalls the riots in 1977 before the Keene Act was passed banning costumed heroes; Nite Owl and the Comedian tried and failed to maintain order, the latter doing so with a rifle.

After the funeral, a man with pointed ears lays flowers on the grave. This is the former villain Moloch, and Rorschach later confronts him in his home. Moloch admits that Blake visited him before he died, crying and drinking and rambling about a list and Moloch was on it, as are Jenny Slater (Manhattan’s ex-girlfriend) and others. Moloch also reveals that he’s dying of cancer.

A young man reads a pirate comic book at a newsstand while the news vendor waxes rhapsodic on various subjects. A person we’ve been seeing throughout the movie carrying a sign that reads, “THE END IS NIGH” comes by asking if this month’s New Frontiersman has come in.

Laurie and Manhattan have a fight after she realizes that (a) he’s duplicated himself so she can have sex with him twice at the same time, and (b) a third version of him is off working with Veidt on their project. She leaves in disgust, and winds up at Dreiberg’s.

Manhattan goes on TV for an interview, with various reporters in the audience asking questions. One asks about the many associates of Manhattan’s who have been diagnosed with cancer—his best friend Wally Weaver, Moloch, a few other folks, and finally his ex, Slater, who shows up with chemo hair. Reporters gang up on him, his government handlers go ballistic, and Manhattan gets fed up and teleports everyone out of the studio and himself to Mars.

Dreiberg invites Laurie to join him for his and Mason’s weekly gathering, and en route they’re mugged. However, despite being eight years out of practice, they mop the floor with the muggers. Laurie begs off continuing to Mason’s, having had enough superheroing for one night, and Dreiberg arrives at Mason’s to see the news about Manhattan going batshit.

Laurie is questioned by the government, then she escapes their custody and flees again to Dreiberg, having nowhere else to go. He shows her around his basement lair, with his old Nite Owl costume and Archie, his airship. They start to have sex on the couch, but Dreiberg finds himself unable to perform, as it were.

Manhattan creates a structure on Mars, and we also learn his origin. A physicist named Jonathan Osterman, the son of a watchmaker, he worked at Gila Flats, and started dating Slater. Osterman got stuck inside an Intrinsic Field Generator that disintegrated him. He eventually re-forms himself, albeit as a bald blue person, and demonstrates amazing powers. Weaver goes on TV and says that “God exists, and he’s American,” adding that if that fills you with existential dread, that’s okay, it just means you’re still alive and thinking. Manhattan also recalls the Watchmen meeting and being attracted to Laurie, his and Slater’s breakup, his ending the Vietnam War, and so on.

Someone makes an attempt on Veidt’s life while he’s meeting with representatives from the auto industry. He survives, but his secretary, Lee Iacocca, and several others are killed—and the assassin swallows a cyanide capsule before he can say anything.

The guy with the “END IS NIGH” sign buys this month’s New Frontiersman. The kid keeps reading the pirate comic. The news vendor is initially annoyed that he’s reading without buying, but given that Manhattan’s departure has led to the Soviets moving on Afghanistan and nuclear war seems imminent, he just gives the kid the comic.

Rorschach investigates the assault on Veidt, noting that the assassin posed as a delivery person from a company called Pyramid, which is also a company that sent Moloch pension checks. Rorschach goes to Moloch’s apartment, only to find the villain dead of a gunshot wound to the head and the police surrounding the place. After a protracted fight, the cops arrest him, and ripping his mask off, we all learn that Rorschach is the “END IS NIGH” dude. He’s brought to prison, and he tells the prison shrink how he became Rorschach. He’d already started his career as a masked vigilante, but he didn’t become Rorschach until he took on a child kidnapping case, only to discover that the kidnapper had killed the girl and fed her to his dogs. So he kills the dogs and the kidnapper.

Several prisoners are there because of Rorschach, and one tries to stab him in the chow line; Rorschach instead hits him with a tray and then pours boiling oil on him. A crime boss Rorschach put away named Big Figure informs Rorschach that as soon as that prisoner dies of his burns, the prison will erupt.

Feeling inadequate, Dreiberg stands naked in front of the Nite Owl costume. Laurie suggests they go out on patrol in Archie, and they wind up rescuing a bunch of folks from a tenement fire. That’s enough for Dreiberg to finally get it up and he and Laurie rip their costumes off and have hot monkey sex while Archie hovers over the Big Apple. Laurie even hits the flamethrower at the moment of climax, and Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujiah” is playing on the soundtrack, just in case we weren’t sure it was a sex scene…

During their post-coital snuggle, Dreiberg says they should spring Rorschach. Laurie reluctantly agrees, and they arrive shortly after the riot Big Figure promised. Rorschach is able to dispose of Figure’s two thugs and Figure himself, then leaves with Nite Owl and Silk Spectre.

Manhattan shows up at Dreiberg’s brownstone and takes Laurie to Mars. He has no reason to care about Earth, and Laurie’s arguments fall on deaf ears. Over the course of their talk, she realizes that Blake was, in fact, her father, that Sally slept with Blake a second time after the rape and that was when Laurie was conceived. Manhattan realizes that the random amazingness of life is pretty awesome and accompanies Laurie back to Earth.

Mason sees the news story on Rorschach’s breakout, and calls Sally, and the pair reminisce. Some thugs find out that Nite Owl freed Rorschach, and think it’s Mason who did it, so they go to his house and beat the crap out of him, killing him.

Rorschach found a matchbox in the apartment of Veidt’s killer, and they go to the bar on that matchbox, only to find out that someone there is also employed by Pyramid—hired by Slater. They go to Veidt’s office to consult with him, but there’s no sign of him. However, they find evidence that Veidt owns Pyramid—he’s the mask killer. (He hired the person who killed his secretary and Iacocca to deflect Rorschach’s inquiries.)

They also discover that he’s at his Antarctic base. After stopping to drop Rorschach’s journal off at the New Frontiersman offices, they fly Archie to Antarctica, where Veidt has killed the other scientists working on the project he and Manhattan were collaborating on to create a new energy source. Nite Owl and Rorschach arrive and they try to fight Veidt, but Veidt makes a fool out of them both, then reveals his plan: to destroy sections of several large cities and make it look like Manhattan did it. The world’s super-powers will unite in fear of more retribution from the superman.

Manhattan arrives to stop him, but Veidt uses an intrinsic field generator to disintegrate him. Manhattan is able to pull himself together—that was the first trick he learned, after all—but by that time, the cities have been attacked, thousands have died (including the news vendor and the kid reading the comic, who were in Times Square when Vedit’s weapon hit), and the world’s powers have, indeed, come together. Laurie, Manhattan, and Dreiberg agree to keep Veidt’s secret for the sake of this new peace. Rorschach refuses, and Manhattan is forced to kill him.

Dreiberg and Laurie think about restarting their masked adventurer careers. Manhattan buggers off to another galaxy. Veidt thinks he’s won. Meanwhile, the New Frontiersman needs a front-page story, and the intern finds this journal in the crank file…

 

“The end is nigh”

In a lot of ways, Zack Snyder made the best Watchmen film possible. But the real problem is in making Watchmen into a movie in the first place, which is a dangerous and difficult proposition. And it’s not because the movie is “unfilmable” as Terry Gilliam declared, because it is filmable. It’s just what you wind up filming that’s the problem.

When you adapt a longer work into a shorter work—like, for example, adapting a 300-page novel into a 100-page screenplay, or a twelve-issue comics miniseries into a three-hour movie—you have to, in essence, boil it down. You get rid of the subplots, the extras, the grace notes, the character bits, and focus on the main plot. You excise Tom Bombadil from the story, you get rid of the flashbacks detailing Domingo Montoya’s life, you combine Dubois and Rasczak into a single character, and so on.

Here’s the thing: the reason why Watchmen is so appealing is because of the subplots, the extras, the grace notes, the character bits. The actual plot is, bluntly, dumber than a box of hair. You can forgive that in the comic book because it’s been such a great ride up until then. Well, mostly. I still remember the “wait, what?????” moment I had reading the graphic novel in college when I got to the part where Ozymandias fakes an alien invasion to bring the nations of the world together. But I was captivated by the world building and the characters, so I forgave the dumbshit climax.

Harder to do that in a movie. Snyder tries his best, but in truth the ideal format for a Watchmen adaptation is to go along with the structure of the comic: a twelve-part TV miniseries.

But that’s not what we got. Instead we got this mess.

This movie winds up telling its story in four distinct sections that don’t really cohere as well as Snyder wants them to. We start out with a section that’s all about the Comedian, as we slowly learn more and more about this guy who’s been killed. But once we dispense with the flashbacks, it becomes about Dr. Manhattan, with Blake seemingly forgotten, and the focus is on how Manhattan is led to leaving Earth, culminating in a lengthy sequence that shows Manhattan’s origin. Then we cut back to Rorschach, and it’s rather a shock, as we haven’t seen Rorschach in a while and we’ve kind of forgotten about him, but he’s captured, and then we focus a lot on his travails in jail until Nite Owl and Silk Spectre break him out. Then we have the climax.

The biggest change in the plot is that Veidt’s plan is to frame Manhattan for the destruction that brings the world together instead of creating an alien monster who teleports into New York and kills a ton of people. The thing is, while that’s a bit better than the comics’ version (which was just goofy), it’s basically the same idea: a fictional, but destructive, threat brings the world together. But it’s a temporary fix in either case, one that won’t result in a lasting peace, especially since neither the alien monsters nor Dr. Manhattan are ever going to follow up.

And the movie suffers from Veidt’s plan being so much of the focus, because it’s still really dumb. We’ve gotten three character studies up until then, and they all fail on one level or another.

The Comedian section actually works well, mainly because Jeffrey Dean Morgan so perfectly nails it, but then Blake really has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. The revelation that Laurie is his daughter doesn’t land at all, nor do the “joke” references made by Dreiberg made at the end, because after being the focus for the first section, Blake’s been no kind of presence in the movie for way too long. (In addition, the whole part of the plot involving Sally going back to sleep with Blake after he assaulted and raped her has aged really badly—more so the comics version, in which Laurie talks at the end like she’s going to be more like Blake in her superhero identity, which is revolting.)

Arguably the two best issues of the original comic book are the fourth and sixth. The former tells Manhattan’s entire story, in a rather non-linear manner akin to how Manhattan perceives time, the latter Rorschach’s. The movie tries its best to re-create these issues, but fails. Manhattan’s backstory grinds the movie to a halt, but doesn’t really do his story justice (and is a bit too linear, sadly).

And Rorschach’s story is completely botched. I always found one of the two or three most interesting characters in Watchmen to be Rorschach’s shrink, Dr. Malcolm Long. Watching him change as he gets to know Rorschach is one of the most compelling parts of the comic. But we don’t get that here—Long is reduced to a quick walk-on, and we only get the last part of Rorschach’s story, which is robbed of its buildup.

In both the cases of Manhattan and Rorschach, Snyder tries his best to include as much of these two strong issues of the original as possible, but in both cases, the pacing suffers for it. When you’re reading even the collected version of Watchmen, it’s in twelve discreet portions, each separated by the bit of back matter, so the pacing is set by the format. But a movie is a single discreet portion, and these moments need to be shortened so much in order to squeeze into the time that they don’t work as well as intended and come across as distractions to the plot.

(These pacing issues are exacerbated by the “Ultimate Cut” which incorporates the animated version of the Tales of the Black Freighter comic book that the kid reads at the newsstand. Those were among the worst parts of the comic book, and the parts I always skip over when I re-read it. It’s a nice exercise in nostalgia, but it just distracts from the storyline in both comic and movie. It honestly works best as a DVD extra—Gerard Butler does a fine job as the voice of the protagonist.)

And, again, the plot is really really dumb. I can’t emphasize that enough. On top of everything else, changing the alien monster to a simple frame-up of Dr. Manhattan makes Blake’s existential angst about the project when he learns about it and bares his soul to Moloch ridiculous. The new version of the plot doesn’t really track with Blake losing it that much.

It’s too bad because the movie does do some parts quite right. The look and feel of the 1980s, even a changed one, is nicely done, ditto the flashbacks to earlier times that are very well re-created. In general, the movie is a visual feast, with some very striking scenes, from the Vietnam flashbacks to Manhattan’s flying glass structure on Mars to the prison riot.

And many of the casting choices are letter perfect. In particular the three people who are the focus of the first three sections—Morgan as the Comedian, Billy Crudup as Manhattan, and Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach—are simply magnificent. Crudup nails the calm remove of Manhattan, Morgan (seemingly auditioning for Negan here) embodies the Comedian’s sleazy machismo to a T, and Haley is almost frighteningly spot-on as Rorschach. Props also to Carla Gugino and Stephen McHattie as the older versions of Silk Spectre and Nite Owl, though being slathered in old-age makeup doesn’t do Gugino any favors. I particularly liked Mason’s final fight, as each punk he punches flashes onto a villain from his hero days—it’s a nice little tribute to this world’s first masked hero. (I also must confess to being pleased that they didn’t go to all the contortions the comic did to avoid full-frontal nudity on Manhattan, who by 1985 has given up clothes as a ridiculous contrivance. They let Manhattan’s big blue penis just hang out there for all to see. In a medium where female nudity is perfectly fine but male nudity is often viewed as yucky, this is heartening to see.)

Sadly, not all the other casting choices work so well. Patrick Wilson is perfectly adequate as Dreiberg, but he never really conveys any kind of depth. Malin Åkerman has even less depth as Laurie, managing only the character’s frustrations but not her sadness or tragedy or strength. And Matthew Goode falls completely flat as Veidt—though, to be fair, one of the flaws of the original is that Veidt simply is too bland and uninteresting as a character. Goode does nothing to fix that, and in fact makes it worse by making him a lisping effete, leaning into Rorschach’s one-line description of him in the comics as being possibly homosexual. Given that Rorschach is the textbook definition of an unreliable narrator, focusing on that seems ill-advised, and succumbing to the stereotype of the gay guy being evil is just tired. (One of the folders on Veidt’s password protected Mac—another nicely retro re-creation—is labelled “Boys.”)

Also Snyder makes one filmmaking choice that undercuts the point of the story, which is the stylized and brutal fight scenes. I’m actually okay with the brutality—all too often, violence on screen is virtually consequence-free, so I’m fine with actual broken bones and blood and such. What I have a problem with is Dreiberg and Laurie being so incredibly good at hand-to-hand combat even after being inactive for eight years. What I have a problem with is all these normal people doing superhuman things, from Rorschach’s jump up to Moloch’s fire escape to the punishment that Nite Owl and Rorschach take at Veidt’s hands to Veidt’s fight with the Comedian, which has both of them showing strength no normal person would have. The whole point of Watchmen was to insert masked adventurers into the real world and see what happens, but making the fights so stylized and over-the-top messes that up.

I enjoy watching this movie for Morgan’s and Crudup’s and especially Haley’s performances, but it’s ultimately a failed adaptation of a great work, because the very process of adapting it into a shorter form can’t help but expose the great work’s one major flaw for all to see. It’s a noble failure, but it’s still a failure.

(This movie was also the last time I’d think well of Snyder as a director. But we’ll talk more about that when we get to Man of Steel later in this rewatch.)

 

For the next three weeks, we’ll be back with the X-Men franchise, specifically the three movies focusing on its breakout star, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Next week, X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Keith R.A. DeCandido recently won the Scribe Award, given by the International Association of Media Tie-in Writers, for Best Short Story for his tale “Ganbatte” in Joe Ledger: Unstoppable, a Lydia “Warbride” Ruiz story about martial arts, the Florida Keys, and sexual harassment.

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